My boyfriend doesn't flirt with me

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My Aspie boyfriend and I have been together for about six months and we are best friends (we started off as instant friends but only for three weeks before we started dating). I love my boyfriend and I feel that I'm in the relationship of my life, but I do have one problem and it's that he never flirts with me.

We talk and see each other many times a day and he initiates it sometimes (so it's not always me) and we are always very happy when we are with each other. But besides the frequent kiss or hug we pretty much just act like friends. Neither of us are big on PDA so that's ok, but it bothers me that he won't flirt back with me when I try, whether it's in person or on the phone or on the internet. It's a very important thing for me to feel like I am wanted, but he never shows it unless we're getting into bed for the night and he wants to have sex. He will never respond to any flirtatious or sexual comments unless we are in bed already.

I know he hasn't had a lot of experience with relationships and I think part of it is that he just doesn't know how to flirt, but I don't really know what to do to help him learn how to show that he wants me or appreciates me. I want him to be playful with me sometimes, and I'm not really sure how to teach him how.

It really bothers me because the only times he is able to show any sort of desire for me is when it's time to have sex, and I know this isn't his intention, but I feel a little used by that because he never expresses it at any other time, even when I try to initiate flirting.

It's hard to explain why it is so bothersome to me but maybe you know what I'm trying to say?

Perhaps he doesn't recogize your flirting with him. When I've been places with my parents, they seem to notice girls flirting with me that I certainly don't see. It doesn't help that they point it out LONG AFTER the possibility of acting on anything is over.

Why do you want him to flirt with you?

Have you told him that you want to flirt? Have you explained what flirting is? Have you defined playfull?

As he doesn't have a lot of experience (and has AS), he needs to have these things explained to him. A gentle discussion about it, be aware he probably has no idea that you want him to flirt and will need a bit of explaination of the hows and whys.

I behave a lot like your boyfriend sometimes. It might not be the same thing for him, but for me it's like putting things in boxes. Flirting is for the bedroom and is about sex. Hanging out is for being friends and not for being sexual. The two things are separate to me. So if someone flirts with me outside of the bedroom, then rightly or wrongly, I kind of blank it out - I don't know how to respond to it, because to me, it doesn't relate to the situation I'm in right now. It seems almost embarrassing in some way.

I agree with what the other posters say, the best way is to talk with your boyfriend and explain gently how you feel, in a non-critical way, and try and teach him what you need.... that might be quite a sweet thing to do and bring you closer together.

But also, maybe really try and grow and have an appreciation of the friendship element of your relationship, which might always be stronger than the flirting, even if you do teach your boyfriend about it. A lot of relationships don't have that... so you are really lucky.

Yeah, same here. I always put it down to wishful thinking on my mum's part

Ossa, I agree with Robinhood; it sounds like when he's not 'in the mood' he just thinks of you as a friend.

That works OK so long as both people want it that way, but if not, one person can end up feeling like they are the only one that actually wants a relationship and that the other just wants to be 'friends with benefits'.

I don't think sitting down and telling him you want him to flirt with you is going to work, because it's not just his actions that need changing for you to feel better; it's his whole attitude to the relationship.