What would you say is your main barrier in relationships?

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Zeek
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20 Nov 2009, 9:29 pm

This is all relationships, the asking out, once your together, getting married or even just friendly day to day relationships. etc.
Here's mine.

A mix of fear of rejection and not finding myself good enough.



Last edited by Zeek on 20 Nov 2009, 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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20 Nov 2009, 10:24 pm

Mine is foot-in-mouth and obsessions. Everything will be going fine & I will make some clueless remark.. most my friendships end that way.

Or I will become obsessed with something, I'm kinda an all or nothing type of person.. if I am going to become involved in a sport, game, club.. I jump in with both feet. I learn everything I can, change my behavior to try to fit in the activity.

I am amazed my wife puts up with me..


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Tim_Tex
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20 Nov 2009, 10:25 pm

I think it's not feeling like I am good enough for anybody.

Then it's finding someone compatible.

After that, it would be discussing intimacy--hard to do when one lives in the Bible Belt. It's like you have to be open and discreet at the same time.


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iquanyin
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20 Nov 2009, 11:40 pm

it helps me to remember that others also get lonely, and most people want others to be close too. not just me, nearly everyone wants this. also: remember that how you feel about yourself at a given moment is *just an opinion.* and one that changes, at that. and like all opinions, not everyone will share it. something you don't like, another might. etc.



sgrannel
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21 Nov 2009, 1:44 am

Lack of overlap in interests.


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sunshower
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21 Nov 2009, 3:09 am

The fact that I'm me.


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Danielismyname
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21 Nov 2009, 3:25 am

"Relationships" has too many plurals over here.

That would have to be transitioning from written to spoken. So, uh, not to sound...in the right place, but "autism". I have an abundance of care, love and all of those other things that are appreciated in a reciprocal relationship, even if I do have as much empathy as a tree stump, but putting those aforementioned things verbally and in the "real world" is pretty much impossible, which means that it won't feel reciprocal for the other, even if I feel that it does inside.

"autism" = "trapped in self", just fits

O, and to add, I'm too much of a burden. Don't drive, don't earn money, need meals made, and other misc. things that people would hate. Sure, I can do a lot of things (mostly farmhand/mechanical stuff), but all up, I'd probably function about 10% of a normal male.



sgrannel
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21 Nov 2009, 3:47 am

Danielismyname wrote:
...even if I do have as much empathy as a tree stump,


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-FClL2KTLM&feature=related[/youtube]


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anna-banana
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21 Nov 2009, 4:37 am

introversion


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i_wanna_blue
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21 Nov 2009, 6:23 am

sunshower wrote:
The fact that I'm me.

Ditto
anna-banana wrote:
introversion

Ditto

:(



SoulcakeDuck
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21 Nov 2009, 8:00 am

I don't mind a relationship, but I'm put of by the neediness and clingy behavior some women might surprise you with as the relationship develops. That's just something i can't relate to, I want a girl that is sure of her self and doesn't need a lot confirmation about her looks and emotional outbursts, emotional unstableness and vanity and self doubt is a huge turn off.
No go.



ProfessorX
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21 Nov 2009, 12:08 pm

The following is not only difficult for me to say but, gives me a great amount of anxiety in being able to relate such with others though, I'll do my best neverless.. For me my trouble in relationships not only relates to being able to carry out small talk but, also being able to pick up on certain cues whether verbal or nonverbal indicating various states of mood.
Also, I'll say that Trust & Honesty has always been difficult for me as, there has been many women I've come across whom, I thought were real but, more or less just another person whom dragged me around like and idiot and all.. Throughout much of this I've actually thought until myself,"What's the point with all of this if you have to go through so much torment." Seriously, I understand no relationship is perfect but, sometimes I find it difficult in just being able to hold onto to someone without running someone off or being looked upon as being a burden to someone else.. These days I do my best to acknowledge women though, I'm not someone whom goes around trying to be over-flirtatious.

Well, I've never given up hope of finding someone in my life no matter how many years it takes me for, I had managed to do it several years ago with my former mate whom, I had a long-term relationship for 4yrs though the duration of that was not super-long I was able to prove my capability in doing such.. I close by saying, that sincerely all things are possible just tend to be somewhat more problematic but, not without hope as, I've come to see such..



techstepgenr8tion
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21 Nov 2009, 12:26 pm

I have no idea, just that I've noticed its not my hygiene, not my social skills, not my looks - I just don't get good reactions, never have. I was out with a friend Thursday watching him stumble over his words with women and they were eating it up. The second I say something conversational that isn't strict business - they give me instant body language reflecting that they're not interested and that they're worried that I am. How two people could say the same things, one gets attention while the other has heads turning up and away is anyone's guess.

Its not looks, but having a certain look, I'm certain of that. What I'm also certain of - this problem is completely irrelevant of the guy in question or what he thinks of women. I know my own heart and there's nothing low or immature going through my mind, if anything my mind's probably a little above and outside the game in how I prefer to relate to people (then again I see plenty of guys chatting up a bartender or a girl at a bar more like a friend or sister and it doesn't get recoil). I don't know, just that when you've spent your entire life having interest shown and withdrawn as if it were cause and effect - you want to control your own ground and call what you'll react to and what you won't, mainly that if you know people have a proclivity to be very rude to you by some facet of how you look or move (men and women both), unless your a masochist its not wise to let the outside world reach in too much and yes - you will be a bit reticent and reserved as a result. My best hypothesis at this point - people can tell that I'm different, my appearance takes their minds on a jog and particularly with women and the life stresses they have to deal with - different, unless strongly proven otherwise, = unfit partner.



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21 Nov 2009, 6:01 pm

sunshower wrote:
The fact that I'm me.


Same here.


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Tim_Tex
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21 Nov 2009, 6:02 pm

sgrannel wrote:
Lack of overlap in interests.


That will destroy a relationship faster than anything.


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Laney2005
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21 Nov 2009, 9:02 pm

My biggest barrier is probably that I do not respond to emotions the way that most other people do. I do not have a handle on my emotions, even though I am a very reasonable and objective person, because I do not know what they are most of the time. This results in kicking holes in walls and doors when plans that were set, change. It results in trying very hard to articulate if something is wrong, but not always being able to get the words out right. It results in miscommunication, not from lack of trying, but from lack of ability sometimes. And when I start stuttering or stop talking, the guy I am with (or at least the last guy I was with) just figures that it's not important.

Another problem is that I am very strange about touching. I dated a guy on the internet once and when he came to visit me, he tried to be very intimate with me in a physical way almost immediately (as in I asked him where his pants went and if he could please put them back on... let's at least hug and kiss first, pal). We had a good relationship in the mental and even emotional departments (I am a better writer than speaker most of the time), but I had never touched him before. He didn't understand that I had to take that part slow because I have problems with touch. Yet the people I want to touch me-- I actually crave that touch. Even if it's just a friend I can hug.

I guess the last barrier is sort of what other people have been saying-- I am me. Yes, I am different. I am odd and can come across "the wrong way" (whatever that way is). I am guilty of being more interested in things than people sometimes (spinning things, ticking things, shiny things, water flowing or waves lapping at the shore) and that can make me seem uninterested. I do not dress in a provocative fashion and I am not the kind of woman that a guy looks at and thinks "I want to date her!". I am the kind of woman that guys look at and either try to rape (because I've naive... this has been attempted) or just want to be friends with. I don't know why.

The one thing I don't struggle with too much is the overlapping interests thing. My biggest obsession is knowledge as a whole. I want to know everything about everything, therefore I am interested in just about anything. I do have my "pet" interests, however and there are some things I am just not interested in.


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