how to get a gf

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This is directed at adult AS males. Most people say you need confidence first, yes, but that comes from hard work. You will need:
-a job that you are proud of
-a house or apartment of your own
-disposable income
-look presentable.

This stuff breeds confidence, and for better or worse most women won't consider yourself a man until you have the above. Make sure you learn how to dress well, not sloppy. Invest in some nice designer jeans and some sweaters/jackets. Get a hair cut, and style it if you can. Women love muscles, so working out at the gym helps. You don't have to be ripped, but women love feeling protected.

If you can get the above down, you are most of the way there. Next you need to work on your mind set. Do not look at women as objects for sex, and do not be focussed on looks alone. This is a whole topic in and of itself. You want a woman who is not going to be too much trouble for you, and will treat YOU like a king. Most very attractive girls are extremely demanding. Do not overlook the cute girl who is a little chubby, the goal is a physically intimate relationship that you can sustain, not to get the attention of the most sought after woman out there. Go for a girl with a good heart who loves honest and genuine men. Be a good man with a good heart and she will see that, this turns them on way more than trying to be a player. That being said it is not a simple task to find these girls, but if you have the prerequisites for an adult relationship, it is possible to at least be eligible to date them.

Many AS guys also struggle with shyness, but if you get the top things down then you can easily become more extroverted as your confidence raises. You don't have to become a cocky loud guy, just someone who exudes strength and won't take crap from anyone. If you want to read books that will help you get a relationship, I suggest books related to overcoming shyness, reading body language and posture, and basic dating advice like how to ask a stranger out on a date.

Hope this helps.

Does this involve purchasing anything?

lol, yes. You'll need ome $$ to buy the latest designer clothing. And of course ready disposable income for whatever purposes may arrive.

More tips:

Never disrespect your parents or teachers. Potential mates would wonder how you will talk about them when they are not around. Never say you are better than your parents or teachers.

Everything is judged by appearances, what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself to be lost in the crowd. To be noticed you need to make yourself noticed. Be more colorful and more mysterious than the bland masses. Johnny Depp is not the sexist man alive just for how hot he looks.

Have them come to you, use bait if you have to. Find a way to make them depend on you, open doors, help with coats & chairs. Have a party, become a tutor, fix their PC, ect... avoid going to their house or apartment. Meet at your place or a place of your choosing. The more cards you hold the better.

Appeal to their self-interest. Find something that would benefit the girl and blow it out of proportion. Never use things from the past like "I was there for you when.." or "You were thankful when I.."

Play to her fantasies. The truth is often avoided because it's ugly and painful. Talk about what you would do with her if you won the lottery.. or where you would like to take her. If you see an obscenely expensive dress or piece of jewelry, comment on how good it would look on her.

Suppose you don't have all of those things but you have a reason for not having. Like for instance, you can't afford to live in an apartment of your own and don't have a job because you are studying at a university with a bursary. Would women then consider those valid reasons?

Any decent woman would, yes. My boyfriend does not fit any of the above criteria that Space provided for men to get women. Before I moved in with him, my boyfriend's rent was payed for by state benefit, now I pay for it. He wears only clothes that he finds comfortable which, for him, is more important than his physical appearance and looking presentable. He has no disposable income to speak of as I prefer to let him have all the benefits he gets, which is absolutely sod all. He also, as you may have gathered, has no job. Why does he lack all the above you may ask? Because he lives in constant pain every single day and is disabled. He had an accident when he was in his teens on his back and the damage was extensive. It healed up incorrectly and had to have 2 operations on his back as a result just so he could stand up straight. He is on painkillers for the damage and will be for the rest of his life. He will also require further operations on his spine. He also suffers from Crohn's disease quite aggressively and is having extensive treatment for that. He has also had half of his large bowel removed (it was either the Crohn's or the ulcerative colitis that caused him to lose this bit) and a third of his small bowel removed. Yet he still suffers and nothing seems to remedy it. Despite not meeting the criteria above, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 and a half years. Why? Because he is an amazing bloke without any the above, he doesn't need any of the above to impress me, his great personality did that.

Women have different tastes. You can't get a girlfriend, but you can attract one. Don't do anything inappropriate, do try to socialize at a level you are comfortable at, do try to make female friends, and eventually a woman might be interested in you and let you know.

I feel moderately comfortable in saying I've got three out of the four on the list. The job is the problem...I am gainfully employed full time, with medical benefits and several weeks off per year, but I absolutely can't stand the job. And it's hard for me to hide that. When I'm on a first date, or sometimes even earlier in email correspondence or a phone call, the "what do you do for a living" discussion comes up. And I can fake a shrug and laugh and "Hey, with this economy I count myself pretty lucky" and "not everyone is working in the field they wanted to" but I think the dissatisfaction comes through.

That can't be the only reason for my continued singleness,can it?

like my dad says, "ya gatta look good to be good"

confidence is KEY!

Just try hard but not harder.

No, there are low lifes without any of the things you mentioned that have no problem getting gfs. No logic applies, just try doing stuff you like, eventually you may find one girl that likes them as well. Then try it. You will fail the first time, so try it again later. The more you try the more likely it will work once. Trying zero times (by over analyzing or generating a huge list of things to do before trying) will only reduce your chances.

If you're at university then a job isn't a problem - you're busy being educated. Also hardly anyone at university actually owns their own house so don't worry about that either. The most successful people at university will probably rent a room in a house with a group of friends in their 2nd year and beyond.
I guess the list Space gave is about giving you some actual solid evidence of being moderately successful and 'worth something' (I know it sounds really bad written like that), which in turn will help with confidence. I reckon some of the rules are slightly different for students though, so don't worry.

If my current academic path works out well, I shall probably meet all these requirements in about fifteen years' time.

Fiz - great response, and your partner is very fortunate to have someone like yourself.

All those things seem to be components of confidence; more at issue is how one defines and establishes their own sense of self confidence. None of the four things on your list are consistent with my observations and experience in relationships. I sold my house in order to open my own business; while I enjoy my job, I am more proud of the work I do in music and education. As for disposable income... *shakes head* A rarity, at best. As for my appearance, I must leave that assessment to others as I have little capacity for that sort of evaluation. So across the board, I fail to meet the metrics above... yet, I am happy and newly married.



A good start. Having such expectations, and seeking someone who can fulfill a need or desire instead of search for a partner, are two of the biggest obstacles I have seen in others as they sought relationships. For those on the spectrum, there seems to be a great desire for predictability and assured success - like putting a punch card into an old computer and having the answer spat out after a brief series of whirs and beeps. Everything is measured through external comparisons with others instead of whether it satisfies the self. Dating equates to intimacy; a girlfriend is a sexual partner. There is "only one way" to reach the goal... strange, in that while there seem to be many for whom religion is unpalatable and arbitrary within the spectrum, that those same methods of thought are acceptable at dating dogma. That is -not- what dating and relationships is like, at least in my experience.


M.

this is just a bit of what has worked to help me, I am no authority on the issue. I can say with authority though, that having money to spend on a girlfriend, a job, a place of your own to take the girl, and dressing well will ALL greatly work in your favor. If women see these things are in place then you will be at least be taken seriously (deserving of an adult relationship).

In theory they help. But they are neither necessary nor sufficient.

I will agree that having private space to spend time together is important. Not having money to waste can be overcome by creativity; dressing well is a relative thing. Friends of my wife, who worked for the same company that she and I worked for almost a decade ago, remember me - not because I dressed to impress but because I didn't wear shoes to work, instead training and doing my job barefoot. Having a job helps, but having passion for something and working on it/towards it is an equal attribute. Different combinations of qualities define people, and the people they are seeking in a potential partner. And most people have their preconceptions of who they want severely warped by external influences or ideals built in the absence of actual experience.


M.