should we get back together?

Post Reply New Topic

my ex (aspie) and i (NT) were together for 4 and a half yrs in high school for 3 yrs together and 1 yr in a distance relationship but i always went to him every month. once summer came i worked all the time and when i took the time off, i would want to see him. he didnt put any effort in seeing me. i made the plans and if the plans were not more interesting than a game he was doing he wasnt going. it made me feel like i wasnt worth his time. i started nagging him about caring, being intimate, and wanting to feel wanted. we ended up breaking up. not a messy break up at all. we still talk just as we have before just labeled it as friends. it wasnt much of a transition because we hadnt been intimate for 6 months and once we said just friends the tension was gone.

now i transfered to his college (not because of him but because i wasnt liking where i was). its been 2 and half months and i still like him. mainly because we have gone back to just having fun w/ each other and its very laid back. he has done more nice things in the last 2 months than he has in 2 yrs. also being a block away from each other there isnt planning, its just me going over to his place to hang out and most of our friends live in his dorm. he has said that he is more willing to do the nice things when we r just friends. but when i started flirting w/ him he would literally push me away and feel more like im a chore to deal w/. he has said he doesnt want to get back together cause he doesnt want to go back to me nagging about caring, being intimate, and wanting to feel wanted.

i think i have learned that nagging does nothing, doesnt help and only makes the relationship a pain. but im not going to stop wanting to be cared about, having intimacy, and wanting to b wanted. is it even a good idea to start this up? if we did get back together do i just leave him alone when i want to be treated better? or talk to him once and let it go? anyone have and inputs?

trying to get back together with someone is always an iffy prospect at best... if your partner broke up with you once, that person can easily do so again... that's why I have a strict "no re-associations" policy... all breakups are final. Sure, I try my best to stay friends if that's what is warranted... But I'm not going to expose myself to even more hurt...

Welcome to WP!

i agree i think if something doesnt work once, its not going to work again. on the other hand we have both changed in the yrs and i believe we learn and fix things.

thanks for the welcoming

I disagree, to a point. Something which failed once will not suddenly succeed on another attempt; however, if both parties have changed over a period of time, then there is no reason why both parties may not have 'grown closer' in terms of their needs and desires. Running back after a week to a wrecked relationship may not pay dividends, but returning to one in the past with discussion could bear benefits. After ten weeks... it is risky, admittedly. But time does change things. Ten years ago, my wife and I would not have made a successful partnership - but we stayed close, kept evolving together, and now we are more in love than ever before as well as newly married.


M.

Personally, I wouldn't go back to someone if we ever broke up. It doesn't matter who broke up with who, people break up for a reason, and that reason means the relationship didn't work out. Getting back with an ex, in my eyes, is a recipe for disaster and further heartache for both parties.

Well it's good that you learned nagging is a waste of freaking time. But unfortunately it looks like getting back together with this guy is also a waste of freaking time.