coping with ex's dating

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Whats the best ways to cope with your feelings when your ex starts to date other people?

Ive not had this previously as always before I happened to move away. But this time my ex is involved with the aspie scene so I shall hear of their exploits from mutual friends. I dont want to leave the aspie scene though, nor do I want to drive myself insane (with jelousy, bitterness and hurt).

any suggestions welcome

your worrying about & focussing upon a theoretical future episode of emotional anquish that hasnt hapenned yet, and might never happen.

Im sure he will be charmed by your estimation of his dating prowess

no he has put dating adds on the icke forum and a nude picture of himself and Im already getting very upset, how will I cope when he actually dates/sleeps with someone else?

there is an aspie scene?

The best way to not be bothered by whatever your ex may be doing would be to have something even better going on for yourself. Until you're there, you might want to just ignore everything you hear about your ex...even if you hear they are happy. Most couples looks great on the outside. The reality of the relationship is usually different.

Focus on yourself. Good luck.

I mean the various aspie forums and meet ups.

Thanks

I am going through the exact same thing right now (subject of a thread a few days ago).

I guess it all boils down to how "over" him you are.

I have the interesting situation of having to babysit my children whenever my ex-wife goes out on a date.

Last Friday, she ended her evening at her date's house and didn't make it home until 4:30AM, and this was after she made a point of modeling her new lingerie to me before she left. (subtle, no? juvenile, yes)

I felt a little residual jealousy, but overall it didn't really bother me all that much.

Much worse was the realization that I am now truly "single", alone, and completely without prospects - that's what I'm having trouble dealing with.

Do you think you still love your ex, or are you just afraid of your unknown future?

yes I still love him

That must be awful having to babysit while she goes on dates, just horrible.

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Im sure he will be charmed by your estimation of his dating prowess [/quote]
thats not what i meant

this kind of proves my point - you dont even go on the icke forum. (do you?) So it looks like its not just the situation thats upsetting you, but your actively upsetting yourself.

Its actually good thats hes looking on the icke forum, as those are potential girlfriends youll probably never have to meet.

I know that wasnt what you meant.

I know its my fault for 'stalking' his posts. I know I am upsetting myself. I know its good that I wont meet his girlfriend (hopefully he wont bring them to a meet up). I was not expecting to find that he had done that, i just thought I could read his posts and read what he had to say, we both do that, I was shocked and hurt to see he was actively looking for girlfriends already.

I dont know how to not upset myself. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow or next week when Im not so shocked by it, maybe I will get used to it.

I still need some coping mechanisms to stop getting myself upset though.

I'm so sorry to hear that - that is one of the most emotionally devasting feelings you can possibly have. I wish I had the words to help, but just know that there are people who care and you're not alone.

I actually look forward to spending time with my kids, even when my ex goes out on dates - so much better than hanging out alone in my apartment.

This is the biggest mess when it comes to dating. It's far worse when the ex is particularly exuberant about their sexuality or, worse, has every intention of milking your jealousy.

These? Seriously? Second time I've been tempted in two months to join. Stop it.

But seriously, nude pictures? When my ex-ex was at the height of his mate attracting he didn't even do that, and he was very...flamboyant (in every sense) about it. The guy is psychologically lowering himself substantially by giving himself such exposure (again, in every way). It's not often I'd say this so bluntly, but given that little nugget of information, for starters, be glad he's your ex.

And since the topic of David Icke has broken the ice in the way of strange, I'd like to help give some perspective. When my ex-ex and I broke up the first time, we didn't really belong to any certain social circles except one. We live far enough apart that seeing each other wasn't so much of an issue, but we did know one or two people on common. It was up to me to turn the other cheek and ignore everything he did, because I certainly had no reason to look other than curiosity. So, no problem. Right? Of course not.

The whole reason my partner and I ended up together in the first place was a connection between us that I refuse to call anything less than telepathic. For the first time in my logical life I was with someone who forced me to question the nature of the universe and our relationships in it. Prior to that, the concept of 'soul mate' was lost on me; I had no time for it and brushed anyone's claims of such aside, writing them off as infatuated limerence. But after our breakup, I was suddenly faced with a really twisted reality that tore my world apart. I didn't have to go snoop on him to fuel my emotional pain because the information came straight to me. I dreamt of his new crushes, his sexual fantasies, and his anger toward me. His psyche fought with mine despite our non-communication. After a couple months, the dreams turned and he started to show up in the midst of otherwise unrelated mental meanderings to tell me about his life. At one point, he introduced me to his new boyfriend. I couldn't handle it and I'm still reeling from the experience. I'm extremely afraid of this happening again.

My point? It could be worse.

My suggestion: remove yourself from the 'scene,' as you say, but keep your friends, even if they're his friends. Stop visiting the same forums he does. Clear yourself of him, purge him, do not let his visage cross your eyes for a while. You need to work through the loss on your own time, without his presence to keep you holding on. Once you've moved on a lot more, you can re-enter your familiar circles refreshed and free of the negativity you feel now. Remember, it wouldn't be a permanent exile, it's a healing hiatus.

I went on the icke chat room over the weekend, all the females on there were flirting with me and it cheered me up. I had and lt very down and broken hearted all week and it was the first time i felt happy and light for a few hours. One of them dared me to post my famous nude pic (they already knew about it from the other site) on the thread and i put it on for a short while and then took it off again when the joke was over. I felt very flattered to have them all flirt with me and it really cheered me up and calmed me as i had felt so down. I was on a high when i posted that ad. I am sorry it has hurt you and i am sure i will never meet any of them as most of them live abroad. I have felt so angry and down this week, it hurts me so much that you never let me stay an amount of time to help you while the social worker was there, or to help you on your trip to tavistock, it makes me feel such a failure. It made me feel so built up the times when you told me that you wanted me to stay while the SS was there, and that you wanted my help on your trips to hospital, it broke me down so much when you changed your mind and decided i was too crap after all. I feel so angry and down. I don't feel you love me as you would not have bought me down so much. And you wouldnt treat me with double standards of its ok for you be angry and stressed but not me, you would treat me as an equal. I get so angry and down, i just feel possesed by hate and rage. On the plus side though i do have a lot of happy memories such as our first weekends together in london and the time you came to visit me. They make me feel more calm and happy to think about.

The plot thickens. I didn't remember it was you, Tom. And being stoned would explain the nude pictures, I guess.

Who broke up with who?

I don't know either of the people involved, so please feel free to disregard this suggestion if you find it unhelpful. It might make life easier for both of you during the period of getting over each other if you agree not to post on each other's threads. Otherwise you wind up having a private conversation make more public, involving more people, than really works for you.