I want to love but...

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If there is already a topic like this, I apologize and this can be locked if needed be but I just need help on this:

Okay...I'm really starting to crush on this guy who is actually 21. He's an online person and we don't know each other very well, but he's very sweet, has an ASD like I do, Aspergers Syndrome to be more precise and I really want to tell him how I feel...

I've had these feelings for him for two months...I'm trying to focus on my education and I want my education as my first priority, but I really can't focus on relationships and school work at the same time. I find if I have a relationship...my grades fail and I really have a hard time functioning like a normal human being...

I'm so in love...it's painful but I know I can't be.

I really don't know what to do about this...and I'm afraid one of you is going to give an answer I don't want to hear...

You are NOT in love. You have never met this person. For all you know he could be a 60 year old pervert or a 12 year old having a joke.

Get a grip.

You've already answered this for yourself... Just focus on your school work, because he's probably a jerk.

You have feelings; whether it is love or not, another cannot say. But it does sounds like, as Sinsboldly has pointed out as a frequent issue for those on the spectrum, limerence more than actual love.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Don't destroy your goals for a short-term feeling; give it time and space.


M.

Actually...if you read his stuff he gets pretty legiminate....and accusing me of not being in love. You don't know me, so how can you say that I am not in love? And no offense, but what you just said was really rude.

No it's definitely not limerence....but thank you makuranososhi and FaithHopeChees for trying to help and not just judge my situation and toss it out the door completely though...I'm glad you guys answered honestly...but you guys really don't know me and what is going on.

Then why did you post asking for input? You said yourself that you can't be in love with him, and listed obstacles and sacrifices that you would have to make for something that, for all you know right now, is completely one-sided and without having met the individual in person at all. Just confusing.


M.

I'm smarter than I look. It's not good to allow yourself to be tormented the way you seem to be, especially over someone you haven't met. You know what you need to do, but your emotions are not in agreement. I have an old friend who met her husband online, but it was over 5 years before they began a relationship, and this was AFTER she graduated from college. I know it's cliche, but if it is meant to be it will happen. Maybe it would be ok to meet him, but lower your expectations so you don't get lost in this. Reality has a way of disappointing. Try to think with a level head - How will you react if he tells you that he doesn't have romantic feelings for you?

I think people can be interpreted differently online no matter how open and honest they try to be with one another, so whatever attraction you feel is best kept under control until you have an opportunity to make the transition to a real-world relationship and actually confirm it. Having experienced that transition myself after an online relationship spanning a few years, I know first-hand that you can't fully know someone until you've physically spent time with them in person, seen how they interact with others, how they're reflected in their family, etc. The relationship still survived and we even went on to marry (so this isn't an "Online Relationships = Bad" post), but meeting for the first time felt like starting from scratch and getting to know one another all over again - despite our absolute honesty when conversing online 365 days a year.

What you feel is what you feel, but whether the person on the receiving end truly exists as you think you know them is another matter. Hopefully acknowledging that might help you get those feelings under control enough to give your education the focus it needs.