A few questions about internet dating

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Of course I haven't started yet but I have some questions. Suppose you get a reply and have sent each other e-mails and now you want to meet. You have to tell her/him that you can't drive. I've heard that from an internet safety point of view, it's not really a good idea to give personal information to people on-line who you've never met in real life. But in this scenario, surely it would be simpler to let the other person pick you up? So, how would you do that without giving them your address and/or contact details? The next question may sound a bit odd. Could you tell them that you don't want to kiss during the date, given that you've never done that before?

P.S. I'm not on any dating sites, these questions came out of a discussion I had with my mom.

You meet in a public place. You can walk to a near place to be picked up at. Do you take any public transportation? You can go somewhere and have them meet you there.

Get someone to drive you to a place near where you want to meet and then walk to the place. At the end of the evening, they can pick you back up again. You shouldn't need to worry about kissing on the first date other than on the cheek or the back of the hand (sweet and old-fashioned, definitely a good thing, IMO).

Do dress neatly -- it doesn't have to be fancy, just clean and pressed. I've known guys who made this mistake, thinking that it was just the first meeting and they'd put in an effort on the second. It sends a message that the person you're dating isn't worth the trouble of looking tidy, which means there very likely won't be a second time.

Good luck.

Yes, definitely. Have your Mom or someone drive you to a public place (maybe some kind of cafe at a shopping mall?), then call them to pick you up when your date is over. (Be safe: you're in Jo'burg!! !)

And as far as the kissing goes, if I were you (which I am not), I would--if I could--bring up the subject of kissing if it would fit in with what you've already discussed. If you could get some conversation going about this, then you could mention that you don't like to kiss on first dates. (Lots of people feel this same way.) If this is too awkward for you, then just let it "happen" or "not happen" naturally. You'll know soon enough after meeting if this is someone you would like to kiss (and they will know the same thing about you). If it all goes well with both of you, you might find that first first kisses can be wonderful!

i've internet dated. it went great. i've done many things people would call unsafe -- and have, seriously, actually had my life in the balance a couple of times due to not thinking beforehand.

simpler? yes. unsafe? you bet!

just meet somewhere you can get to on your own.


there's another reason to do that as well: if you end up hating the date, you don't have to get a ride back from the person.

I don't actually have a date. I have thought about internet dating though and the reason for starting this thread is to ask about internet safety. At any rate, with respect to public transport and that sort of thing, it would depend on where the place is because I wouldn't want go some place that I'm not familiar with and not know where to go.

sure, pick a place you know.

as i said, tho, my internet dating went well. (my troubles were from other dumb things). went well in that the experience was enjoyable and no bad stuff occured.

didn't end up dating, tho. darn it.

Thanks for the suggestions. One more question, is it true that free dating sites are less safe than pay ones? Are there ways to avoid the dangers?

I would not call the paid sites any more safe. Personally I have dated several folks on OK Cupid, which is free and i have found it to be a great site for dating. I have found many of the paid sites to be lacking comparitively. I would say craigslist is suspect, so I would avoid that one. But I would not put much credit into the paid sites...as some have been found out for setting up fake female profiles. They do have more of a profit motivation to keep members.

Fair enough. I suppose it also takes a bit of knowledge and common sense to avoid scams.

I got married way before there was an internet, but I have friends who have met people online, and here are some tips.

1. No personal info other than your first name. Maybe a phone number if it's a cell phone, but not a landline that they can use to find your address.

2. Meet in a public place and have a way back home, even if they seem nice.

3. Make the first meeting short, so that if it's a disaster, you can get out of there fast. Something like coffee or a burger somewhere.

4. Remember, that a lot of people will send a picture of themselves from ten years ago. They may not look anything like that anymore. That happened to a good friend of mine and she actually met him for the first time on a weekend getaway. They had talked on the phone before many times, but all the pics he sent her were from about ten years before. And about 150 lbs earlier too. She ended up booking another room for herself because she was stuck at the spot for the weekend and couldn't change her tickets.

5. Have a safecall. This means set up a time to call a friend and have a code word etc to tell her that things are ok or they are not ok. This is especially important if you go to his place or he comes back to yours. You never know what kind of person they are, so a safe call is a must. Make sure you discuss with your friend what they should do if things are not ok. IE: call the cops, come over, call someone else to come over, etc. Have the code word something you can drop in the conversation without the other person noticing it.

6. Don't worry about the kissing. Usually somebody won't try and kiss you after you only met for a cup of coffee. It's really not a good idea to mention beforehand anything like kissing etc. Just play it by ear. If he tries to kiss you and you don't want to kiss him, then kind of pull away and say something along the lines of "not quite yet" or something like that.

7. I know all these things make it sound terrible, but you really can find some great people online. I have a cousin who married a girl he met online. It's gotten much more common to meet people online than it used to be. Just remember to stay safe, cover all your bases, and have an out in case you need one.

PaganMom