Pointless, time for change.

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Lets be honest, realistically speaking how many of you have ever gained a bf or gf because of the help in this part of forum. As far I can see, there are quite a lot here who just harass others and the rest have no clue either. It saddens me that with all bs and name calling or etc that all that can be gained from this is a simple lesson. Don't trust someone on the internet to help you. I myself don't really give a s**t, this particular part of this forum seems to be only good in having a consistent flow of lulz to my amusement. Cold I know but I don't think matters anyway. Why is that everyone here is posting topics that attempt to anaylse love and attraction. I don't get it, why aspies need to do this when they have already been told to just go with the gut feeling. If you feel she or he is using you then cut him or her out of your life. Your in the friend zone right? Well break of with a polite but well affirmed assertion that I don't really see you as a friend but if you don't see me the same way then I really sorry but I can't do this. Most of the time this friend zone thing is used on men who easily controlled by women. Besides even if it was meant, having feelings for someone that will never see you the same way is just gonna hurt a lot more if you keep feeding it.

So what can be done about this, well this forum isn't going to help much. Too much calculation into something that is purely instinctual anway. See I have given you what you always look for here, a scientific explanation that isn't really useful. Look, how people feel about each sometimes it really doesn't matter but who or what but rather what they feel. Some are in it for a one night stand, some for long term and etc. You wonder why the divorce rates are up, because everyone is turning this into a f*****g science. It's not. Just trust your feelings but than again sometimes you have a hard time knowing that. I think there was a poster named robo something I think that had the weirdest story I have ever read. I think his problem was pro his attraction went to someone he didn't like in the first place. I thought it was quite misplace understanding of love and from the looks of that post, the help there didn't go so well either.

Steps to take to change this.

1. Spend time in envrionments where there are people with similar interest such as yourself (assuming it is rational one, I have read the stories of some aspies). Thats why people tell you to wait until the right one comes along, unfortunely they have to much faith place in that you understand the implications.

2. Avoid being restricted. If your parents are holding you back that seems a little too overprotective (it probably is) then break free. Their protection can't around forever and being held back hasn't done anyone any good. Ugh all that speculation and opinon, sometimes I wonder if parents really do understand that they aren't doctors and should stop acting like ones.

3. Avoid false prophets, some people are full of s**t, lets face it. You get that feeling about them and you run first chance you get.

4. Aviod internet dating, I don't give a crap what they say, it's silly, it's stupid, and long distance relationship never last.

5. Avoid thailand or any country with a history of gold diggers. Yeah they're in the west too but with a small amount common sense they seem very obvious in these sorts of countries. Go on look for yourself and read the stories.

6. Avoid clubs. Unless you want a casual encounter I doubt you will get anymore than that. People that go there, probably won't ever interested what an aspie will be interested in. EVER.

7. Bars are for drinking mate. Why the hell you want to find a girl there. If you're taking one there on a date or as part of a date then thats different. Otherwise...... you get the idea.

8. Be careful of tight knit groups or communities. These will be a hassle if you make a mistake. Lets face when has an NT ever understand exactly what an aspie really wanted to do. All it takes is one these people think you are a psycho or anti social or whatever that considered an unhealty personality trait and you won't get a chance with anyone else in those groups and communities. Word spreads fast my friend.

9. Do not compromise your beliefs and ideals for someone else. People should love you for you and not what they want you to be. Ever watched Treasure Planet and listened to I'm still here. Well that song reins true here too. Same for ambition and career but we are talking about love atm.

10. Trust true friends to help you. Those who don't aren't really friends. Friends help each other in times of need. You want help with this singlehood of doom thing or whatever you call it then ask them for help. Beware they are human and can f**k up just as easily as the next person. Ya don't to have AS or anything to be able to do that.

11. Co-workers, well this one I tend to stay away from. Something f***s up (breakup) and then work is a s**t storm of worst s**thole that you will ever find yourself in. Haven't experienced it myself but friends have. I took their info to heart I think you should do the same.

Please no response of nastyness, I have seen the posts, not pleased with how people get treated by other people here. I don't want any part of that. Please respect this and I will respect you.

This is not a dating site. It is not here to help your hook ups. Reading some of the posts here and getting more posts under your belt, you will come to understand this. Might be wise before you start telling us how we're running the forum the wrong way <rolls eyes>.

You claim to be saddened by name calling (your words up above there -- didn't you read them?) and yet, here you are calling people names based on their ethnicity. Most Thai people I have met (some being users here) have more common sense than you appear to, and are not interested in "gold digging". You want a country with a "history of gold digging"? Look down. Yup. Sorry, kid.



Yeah, you were really respectful there, werent' you? Throw some rocks and then hide behind "no nastyness [sic]". Maybe you simply made a mistake. Perhaps you want to retract the bigotry, being a new user and not knowing what you were doing? Or does the thought process match the post title?

Did you miss the part where this is an Autie/Aspie/PDD-NOS forum? Some of us don't even know what a gut feeling is. I certainly do not. I live with reason and logic and in those rules love makes no sense. This is my confusion and others as well.



How in the world do you call that a scientific explanation? If instinct was the answer, then there would be a LOT more rapes in this world. If I went with pure instinct I know for a fact I'd've raped Kelly Hu by now just because I find her extremely physically attractive. But I have a mind and I do not listen to instinct because it is not reason or moral. Attraction is instinctual, love would be compatibility and thought, not instinct.

Ah glory to the ability for aspie to see things ONLY (in black and white) drawing extreme conclusions based on weak assumptions. [content removed - M.] Anyway as for the other guy that posted, why does every single thing that is ever posted of these forums has to be turned into a moral debate. Did anything I said needed to be debated on a moral issue, no you moron. Besides I was only stating facts, not assumptions or discrimitory opinon as much you would like to rebuff on that one I should remind you to use (GOOGLE). You will find that low socio-economic status people found in those countries like thailand are far more inclined to marry for money and/or citizenship of a western country. Personally I don't like how you like to spout all these well... misguided self-righteousness. I prefer things to be seen of a neutral prespective. Mates, love is instinctual, initial attraction must be there in order to progress further. I don't know about you but do you believe everything that people tell you is noble or do like, I don't know. Think for ya self. Your wrong about the reason part, and the latter doesn't matter in any sense because morality is different everyone, sure we have similiarities that allow us to live in semi-harmony but not everyone thinks that morality is the same as you seem to think it is.

Can we be a little more constructive and avoid the moral debate that you aspies love with all your hearts. It's getting really old.

Fortunately, you do not control who responds to a thread or the expression of their beliefs. You seem to imply that those on the spectrum have the same responses, or even the same ability to interpret scenarios, as others... which isn't an accurate assumption.

I find it interesting that while your profile states that you are diagnosed with AS, that you refer to those affected as "you aspies" - quite curious, indeed.


M.

Congratulations, you just described someone with a diagnosed mental disorder as having maladaptive cognitions. This is an autism spectrum disorder forum. These are issues some/most of us have.



Glaring exaggeration, not everything on these forums is a moral debate. That's a maladaptive cognition like the one you described above to me. Second, I was not debating your morals, nor mine. I made a statement that I do not follow my instincts, I follow reason and morality. Following instinct is to give up reason and essentially your sentience. Every animal on the planet follows instinct. Humans that follow instinct allow their base urges and desires to overwhelm their logic and reason and this leads to gluttony, rape and murder.



I never argued this fact, nor will I as it is indeed a fact. An unpleasant one, but a fact nontheless.



I am not self-righteous. My point in the first part is true. I do not understand what a gut feeling is. I have never had a gut feeling, despite how much I may have wanted one. I also try to view things from a neutral perspective, with very few exceptions, notably gaming, conservative religions and theocracies, and prudishness. Everything else I try to be as unbias as possible. Love is not instinctual. Lust and physical attraction are. Compatibility is the attraction between two personalities that grows into a strong attraction, physically, mentally, emotionally. Instinct is physical and base emotion. There is nothing involving higher thought. And if you cannot connect with someone on that level, then I know I could not be in love with that person. While I concede the point that others quite possibly could be, I cannot. Without a logical, rational connection between my mind and that of a partner, I do not believe I could experience love.



I never allow someone to do my thinking for me, and those that do are ones I hold in contempt. This is why I despise most organized religions.



No, I'm not wrong about reason. Second, morality is always subjective, this is true. But at the same time, parts of morality are similar in all. Those that disagree are outcast, quite often as murderers, rapists, abusers or just evil. It was moral for Hitler to kill 6 million jews by his standards. However, the other 5 billion people disagreed with him on that. Therefore, he was wrong. Lastly, this part has absolutely nothing to do with my earlier argument.

Autism Spectrum Disorders are characterized primarily by an impaired understanding of societal rules. Not laws or government, but how people interact. Love, if I'm not seriously mistaken, is pretty much the deepest form of personal interaction you can achieve. Therefore, by definition, it's going to be difficult for someone with an ASD to either understand love or participate in it. Some can and do. But there is a reason those here constantly ask questions about it.

In answer to your particular steps:

1. Agree, though this is difficult for some to do, either because their interests are not shared by many, to spread out, or simply strongly sociophobic.

2. Agree, however, parents will almost always be overprotective of their children, especially the ones that recognize their child has a disorder. This is the nature of a parent.

3. Agree, when you can determine that's what it actually is. Alot here however are actually quite helpful. Regardless of whether they are spouting something from a self-help book or w/e doesn't matter. Someone reading it off these forums from what they consider a real person they are able to talk to can and does help people. How it comes doesn't matter. In this case, the goal is achieved regardless of the means.

4. Some do not work out, others do. Never close off an oppurtunity no matter how remote the chance. I have seen it work successfully personally and if you "don't give a crap" then stop attempting to force your incorrect exaggeration onto others.

5. Change this to "Avoid gold diggers" and I'll agree. Stereotyping an entire country, even though they do have more is bigotry and prejudice.

6. Disagree based on person. For the most part very very few aspies will enjoy this, however if any do, then this would be a good place to look because their interests will mesh.

7. Bars in Australia might be purely for drinking, I do not know, but they are not here in the US. Bars are also quite often clubs and dancing areas. In which case (assuming as an ASD you actually enjoy this and the people) then by all means. But for the most part, I doubt many with ASD will find much of anything.

8. Tight knit groups of what? Of people that have the same interests you do? In which case, there is no pretending and you are what you are and they will accept it because they care only that you care about the shard interest. How is this bad? Joining a group with a differing interest, yes this stupid. But say I join a group of gamers, which I have done and am in successfully and from which I developed my only 3 friends. This would be your best bet in my opinion. This also works with your #9. I agree with it completely and if you find those that fit with your beliefs in a group, there is absolutely no reason not to join them if you can.

10. Agree.

11. Agree, unless you develop a true friendship with a co-worker. It hasn't happened to me, but it has to one of my friends.

For the most part, I agree with your steps. It was the first two paragraphs of your post that irritated me. And your wording. You were being quite offensive with parts of it and that's not what this forum needs. If you see those that harass others and then turn around and harass pretty much everyone on the board except those that harass others then you sit yourself in the same boat. Had you composed your post more appropriately, I'm sure you would've gotten much more positive responses.

...

...<sigh>


Don't you believe him, Vyn. This is why I'm trying to quash this sort of ignorance in the first place. It breeds.

TO ALL READERS: People in Thailand or any other country are NOT of a lower social status, nor are they as a racial group more inclined to be after money. There are people in every country who are after money. It is not tied to a race or peoples.

I pretty much agree with you here. If people want a date so bad, they got to do it themselves and not listen to what others say here. Also, I agree with you about the whole dating people at work thing. I see thread after thread of people saying some stupid story about how people think someone at work is interested in them and how they want to go out with them and yet I keep telling them how bad of an idea it is. Of course they all ignore me but that's their stupid problem. Let them #### up their job. Not my problem.

So, on one hand, you're telling people to not listen to what others say here, and then you complain that nobody listens to your advice?

Personally, I have great respect for the people that can pull off a relationship with a coworker (although I will always mention the disclaimer that many employers have anti-fraternization policies)... at least they're getting somewhere. As a full-time college student (at a school that's 80% male) with no job, that option is not open to me until I graduate, but it represents my only chance now...

Finally someone who actually gets it.

ViperaAspis, care to provide a link to your "statistics" would like to have look for myself thank you very much.

makuranososhi, and what are you, james [](That was dilberate kido) bond or something. That being said, you're catching on (when I signed up I really couldn't bother with changing the pull down menu thingy). Although it is kinda creepy that you take the time to "check out" my profile but whatever.

Vyn, you're just proving my point with every post you make. You are far to stubborn to take in anything that is being said by someone else. Besides some of those comments were directed at that so called genius ViperaAspis.

Final note, I do find it very interesting that makuranosohi found the need to remove my first line comment on my last post. I didn't know being a nazi was also a trait of aspie too. Go figure.

[] mate, I didn't say race, just a country. Besides I am talking about the thailand bar girls and etc that usually end up with foreign boyfriend for the same reasons I keep stating mate (making it a very bad idea for a lot the aspie on this forum to go to, for love finding). Correcting it is socio-economic not social. Vyn has more sense than you and he still at too. Go figure.

Your profile is attached to your post; is it really so surprising that a moderator would check on the profile of a new user? Your post was redacted due to use of language and content - if you have questions, you are welcome to contact me or any member of the moderation team.


M.

According to your first post, I'm actually listening to you. According to your next, I'm not. Make up your mind and stop being hypocritical. You are doing exactly what you said is useless by trying to tell people what to do on an internet forum that you said is useless and not to listen to. Let me repeat myself. This is hypocritical.

Lastly, if I was far to stubborn to take in something from someone else, why in the hell would I still be going to a psychologist and actively listening? Why would I bother studying any of my interests if I was to stubborn take in something discovered or learned by someone else? I am perfectly aware that of how little I know in this world and it is my defining goal to learn all that I can in the little time I have. That said, hypocrisy is something that highly irritates me.

And the "socio-"part of "socio-economic" stands for...?


It's the same when the country and the population are identical (i.e. Germans vs Germany). Consider: "People from Germany never listen." "Germans never listen." It's the same.


Consider the American bar girls or Australian bar girls (if I may -- apologies to any female readers). Capitalism makes men AND women from our cultures FAR more likely to be marrying for money. If you change it to "avoid gold diggers" like Vyn suggested you won't tick people off.

Sure, I'm happy to! Especially when you're being polite and not nasty. I, too, went through your other posts. I'm starting to think that maybe you do want to help people here, but are very angry at something (no idea who or what or even why). It would be great to see you lose the anger and become more effective.

Because doing this
"...moron"
"...so called genius"
"...being a nazi was also a trait of aspie too"
is not helping anyone. It might feel good in the short term to get that venom out, but in the long run it can really come back to bother you.

Anyhow, those stats for you sir (since we're being polite now):
Economic information is garnered directly from Thailand itself via the Bank of Thailand http://www.bot.or.th/English/EconomicCo ... lance.aspx This is the main page, you can easily drill down for the specific economic information. Remember that the quoted GDP is adjusted for PPP and does not reflect a raw GDP figure in this instance.
The information about growth rate is from the governement at http://lcweb2.loc.gov/frd/cs/profiles/Thailand.pdf. Again, it's a big document, so you'll need to scroll for the information. Also, this is 2007 information so remember that the information from the bank site trumps it where there is a numeric conflict (since the bank site is current).

I would like to apologise to you and Visp, to you I didn't read you post throughly and reacted badly for that which I am sorry. To vyn I think you for the link and I do appreciated what you have done. With regards to my venom it has a lot to do with me being fed up with people in my home town. I see a lot fakes and well bad people without any regard for others, I could tell you stories but it would take forever to get all down here. Anyway yeah, in fact one of them is a female aspie with very studborn opinons yet she is willing to comprise her prinicples for fitting in with her female friends none which are good people either. I don't like it, and it irrates me to no end for having my opinons and being hounded by her for having them despite her own obvious faults. I don't like hipocryisy and I don't like being told what to do.

Anway, please accept my sincerest apologises for my impolite and rude behavior, if can say anything in my defence, I said things as a matter fact as I come to know from experience, unfortunely my wording came off as offensive. Once again please accept my apologises on the matter at hand.