loneliness

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I'm lonely. I have been for about a year now aside from a short blissful month in a relationship that didn't last. I'm in college and I want to meet women so I can find the 'right one' (or rather one that's compatible enough) but I'm too socially ret*d for things to 'just happen'. I've been researching dating advice, body language, social skills etc. but I never seem to have any meaningful interactions with people. My acquaintences never become friends. I never date girls I meet. I feel like something fundamental is missing from my social abilities (no doubt something part of AS). But I don't know what the problem is and consequently I can't go about fixing it!

But let me just start with this: how does one keep a good conversation flowing? Sometimes my brain is scrambled and I can't be spontaneously witty like I usually am and I can't contribute anything of value. I have precious little opportunity to interact with people and I want to always make a good impression when I do so that I actually have a chance at furthering any interpersonal relationships (ultimately so I can find a woman for me). What are some default tricks to have a pleasant conversation when your ability to think on your feet is impaired?

Even when I've made a good impression, I'm never sure when it's appropriate to escalate relationships (such as asking a girl out for a date). Are there some signs to look for that would indicate this? general rules of thumb?

halp?

Well, you are unlucky that I am your first responder because I am a thread killer... However, stop trying to find the magic secret to finding love; there isn't one. By the time you are my age you will have your own answer to this question, but be bold, don't shy away from life's challenges or think that if you "change" you will find the right woman. There is a woman out there who is waiting for a guy just like you. My boyfriend is perfectly normal, but far from perfect, and while sometimes I can't imagine why he loves me, he does... more than I really deserve. Just keep fighting the battles that are in front of you and somewhere along the way you will find the girl that you have been dreaming about. Maybe that's cheesy but damn it, you have to have faith in yourself!

It's hard to have faith in yourself when you keep failing, though...

I keep hearing that there's someone out there. I think I may have met him but things never progressed past a certain point because of various factors-one of which is he lives 75% of the time overseas and is married to his job and probably a number of other mutual relationship phobia factors. I'm sick of my ineptitude.

delete double post

I just hate seeing young people so discouraged and lonely. I know it's probably not true that everyone has a soulmate but sometimes we push people away because they don't live up to certain standards, when they might be good for us.

I'm probably giving a few people a stomach ache, too.

The reason I didn't address all of your "how do I keep a conversation going" or "how do I know when to ask a girl out" questions is because I really have no idea. At my last job, before I met my boyfriend, I only talked to 2 people out of the 30 or so employees, and that was only because I had to work directly with them. I had this crush on this really cute guy but I could never say a word, so one day I called him (all of our numbers were on the wall in the manager's office) and asked if he wanted to hang out. Well he shot me down, but he probably thought I was a little weird for never speaking to him and then asking if he wanted to hang out. So yeah, don't do THAT... Anyway, one of the people that I was friend's with at work thought I was the kind of girl her brother was looking for and told him lots of good things about me. Eventually, he ended up working at the same place and had this picture of who I was already in his head. I didn't have to try to give a good impression. He would tease me and I would get pissed off and think he was being a jerk, but he was just trying to get my attention. Anyway... we've been together a while and he has issues too and maybe I could do better but he loves me unconditionally and that is hard to give up. I guess the moral of the story is: don't expect the woman you are looking for to be perfect... ( I might have been exaggerating when I said you'll find the woman of your dreams. )

Don't worry, I don't harbor any unrealistic expectations. In fact, I'd prefer her to be flawed enough that she feels lucky to be with me. I don't want to constantly worry about her being disatisfied with our relationship. Not saying I wont try the best I can to make her happy, but sometimes my best is ehhhh... sub-par. But those are worries more down the road.

For now I'm more worried about actually finding someone interested in a relationship with me. I'm always trying to improve myself. I'm a professional pianist, a mathematics and engineering major, I exercise and eat healthy, and I'm the kind caring and commited type (even though I don't always show it). My real problem is that often times I lack social grace. It's hard for me to get to know anyone well enough that they get a chance to know who I really am.