What I see as a double edge sword in aspies and relationship

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I just had this thought. Most people with AS have trouble reading the signs other people send out, we have trouble telling if the person likes us as just a friend or something more. Because of this me and I think many people with AS will ask the person they are interested in if they are a couple or just friends and all that. This will put pressure on them and scare them off. So on one hand we need to know where we stand, but if we ask them this will scare them off.

Thoughts?

I think you are right. How to get around this hurdle is the trickier thing. Perhaps you would have the most success with a woman who is very blunt by nature. That way she may be the one asking you as well or would be less put off by the question. Many woman would feel very uncomfortable being put onthe spot by that question and the very act of asking it would affect the answer negatively. But a blunt woman wouldn't be put off by it.

I agree Ken and Janissy!

I think a relationship will only work with someone who is not easily put off. I think as well probably 'asking for clarifacation of the relationship status' is probably the least of our worries, I know in my own case I have so much more to put people off with!

Another way to do it would be to first explain that you have difficulty reading non-verbal cues and then to ask where she thinks the relationship is going. This is something best left until after a few dates, asking this early is likely to scare someone off.

Now if you're talking about someone that you find interesting but aren't sure if they're interested in you, then my advice is to ask them out regardless. Since we can't read many nonverbal cues chances are good that you won't know if they're interested unless they tell you. Rather than putting her on the spot by asking if she's interested, ask her out on a date of some sort, if she's interested she'll say yes, if not she'll turn you down.

As for first date ideas, it's usually best to choose someplace casual that doesn't put too much pressure on her and doesn't seem like a serious date. If you make extravagant plans it's more likely to scare her off than if you invite her out for a cup of coffee or lunch.

What I generally do with girls is to go until she resists or says no. I'll ask a girl out, if I know it went poorly then I might not ask her out again, but if I feel it went well or I don't know how well it went, I'll ask her out again. Same goes for how far to go physically/sexually. I'm getting better at reading when a girl wants me to kiss her but it's still difficult to tell, and after that I don't know how far to go. I'll start by kissing her, then if she doesn't go further, and I don't know that she doesn't want to, I'll go further until she either resists what I do in some way or says not to, after that I back off and don't press the issue. I've found that girls are generally forgiving of guys moving too quickly if you aren't forceful and you respect their wishes not to get too physical.

Well there I go getting sidetracked again. My point is that it's best not to bring up the question directly, that can scare them off, but to find out if they're interested by other means, such as asking them out. Try to be casual about it so that if they do turn you down it's not a big deal and it doesn't end up becoming awkward between the two of you.