is this appropriate? (dating a preganat person)

Post Reply New Topic

hey so one of my friends recently came back to my high school (in the e.d. program where i have my classes) recently (she was at the other highschool in my city for a while) and she came back about 3 month prego with her ex boyfriends baby (who is a f*****g dick). and its been about 2 months since she got back to my school and she is interested in going out with me. and im kindave depressed about breaking up with my on and off girlfriend (who i had loved for years but finally for once i broke up with her just cause i was tired of being almost suicidal when she broke up with me for pretty much no reason) and i am also interested in her. and am thinking about going out with her. but i dont know if it is appropriate to out with her while preganat? i would go out with her but i dont know if it is socially appropriate.

another problem im having is my best guy friend (who is bi) (i am bi also) is having trouble with his girlfriend and hes thinking about ending it. and he asked me yesterday at school if he broke up with his girlfriend if i would go out with him. and idk what to say because im not really atttracted to my friend. and idk what to do cause i dont want to hurt him (i never thought id say that as its always people saying they dont want to hurt me lol) and i dont want to ruin our friendship.

any comments would be appreciated.

Are you prepared to help with the baby, pregnancy, etc.? I could not imagine dating someone pregnant and not being expected to help or take care of said baby. Sounds like a responsibility.

I'd tell you what I think that "socially appropriate" can go and do to itself, but I'm pretty certain that that sort of language isn't allowed here.

Well, as already stated, the kid would be a huge responsibility. Also, the fact that her ex was a 'dick' as you say does not bode well for a relationship in my mind. So as far as appropriate goes, it's probably not the biggest issue. I imagine it would be very touchy. (the other stuff)

And as far as breaking up with the other person, I can completely understand. I will never be involved in an on-again off-again relationship. One break up? OK. Two? Maybe. Three is final.

Be careful, Ive heard people talk about this kind of thing. She may not necessarily be interested in you, but rather might be simply using you to help aid/support her with the pregnancy. Dont put too much stock into getting too close, but you can be supportive, just dont commit yourself to her (unless you find out that she really does want to be with you, pregnancy help aside). Personally, i wouldnt date a pregnant woman (not much one for the thought of having to help raise someone elses kid).

I don't think it's inappropriate and I've known some guys who have gotten along well with women who were pregnant my uncle was one of them.

But like some of the comments here I would be precautious. You may or may not be involved with this woman's child. If you do though, there's a lot of responsibility that goes into it. I think one of the major factors isn't so much just that children are hard to take care of but the fact that the child has a father by another man.

Also I think it is presumptious with some of the post to only assume that this woman is only dating the OP for support. That is not true of all women who date while with child/ren from another previous marriage just as it isn't uncommon for men with children from a previous relationship to date women. So there is no black or white way to really look at it other than the fact that yeah you might be involved with the child's life depending on your relationship.

You may want to communicate this to her if the relationship should ever get serious. You don't need to take the responsibility of another woman's child if it's not in your cards. It's especially hard for some of us who have sensitivity issues like noise, multitasking, stress and unpredictiability which is a strong trait with children.

but if they're no other woman willing to date you, doesn't that mean you're stuck being single forever?

I stopped reading at the point where I realized your still in High School.
Your 16. Get your education. Get your college degree. Get a job. Support yourself.
Only after all of that is over then you can start to think about those other problems.

Drama will always be a part of your life. Remember, your only 16 and your still in Highschool. This is the time to get your education. There is no returning to being 16 again.

Ehhh, i don't think it's so much a matter of whether it's socially appropriate so much as it is of whether you want to shoulder the additional responsibility of her kid once it's born.
Because as far as socially appropriateness goes, it's appropriate, in fact most would prolly see it as downright admirable that you'd still want to be with her even though it's not your kid & that you'd be willing to be with her even though you could just be with someone else who's not pregnant and not have to take on that kind of responsibility if you didn't want to.
& with a kid on the way she could certainly use the support. You prolly couldn't provide the financial kind at your age, & that's what her family's there for for the time being, but she'd appreciate the emotional support, surely.

However i guess it might possibly seem socially inappropriate though if people thought the kid was yours.

Do her, and her kid, a favor and stay out of it. You seem like a nice guy but she's going to need a lot of help and support. And you are conflicted about more than a few things here. There are 1000000 problems with this. Like, when the baby arrives it will be a bomb going off in her life and your relationship (if you've been married 10 years, this is the Biggest Transition Ever (tm)). Like, the baby, if you are still there, will become accustomed to you and that is another responsibility and another large consideration for you. Like, sex all the time while pregnant and NO SEX after the baby for what seems like ages - not appropriate for an otherwise healthy teenage relationship.

I'm sure you are sorry for her and concerned. I'm sure she is frightened and clearly reaching out for someone kind, and helpful. But run run for your life.