Why Isn't He Emailing Me Back?

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I just went on an organised tour in Russia. I met a nice man (who had a girlfriend who was on another organised tour in another country). I developed a bit of a crush on him and I didn't make any moves on him because he had someone. He didn't seem like a player and didn't flirt at all with me.

However, during the tour - I noticed some things, which are confusing me. He seemed to stare at me a lot when I wasn't looking. Sometimes, I would look up and make eye contact quite my accident. He had quite an intense stare that I felt a bit awkward because I didn't know what I was supposed to do. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, such as if I smoked. I remember thinking that was strange because I wouldn't be seeing him ever again after the tour - why would he care to know? Also, one day I was with him and some other tour group friends. Two more friends walked through the door and he announced that I had been drinking tea all afternoon. Again, not too sure why he felt it important to tell everyone?? I noticed that when I turned around, he was always close by but he didn't really talk to me. I couldn't figure out why he was so friendly and teasing with the other girls but he didn't do that with me. I had heard that boys like you when they tease?

On the last day of the tour, he came over to me and kissed me on the cheek and said "keep in touch". A few weeks after the tour, I emailed him to say that I enjoyed his company, - very short and sweet. He replied to me and said "let me know if you have any plans to be in Scotland anytime because it would be great to meet up". He had heard me saying over dinner (sat next to me) that I was heading to Scotland next year to visit family. I emailed him to say that I would be there in April and I would very pleased to meet up. Gave some details on how I thought my trip would run - two weeks there, etc. I haven't heard back from him yet. I don't want to be a pest but why hasn't he emailed me back yet? Has he changed his mind and doesn't want to see me anymore?

There are some other explanations. If he is nervous about e-mailing you he might take a while. Or, he might be thinking that since he has some time before your trip there's simply no need to write you at all. There's nothing to lose by writing him again and asking, but make sure to wait at least a couple of weeks.

So there's this good mologue called "Shirley Valentine" where the main character relates a story about going to Greece on holiday and falling for the local guy with a sailing boat and had a wonderful affair for the week and then, when she was to go back home, decided she would run back to her lover and stay forever in the picturesque sea side village only to find out her friend had already met the next tourist bus and had moved on to the next interesting lady.

Holiday romances are lovely but that is what they are. He meant it in his heart about seeing you again, but he is not going to plan it all out in December what may never happen in April.

Why do non-aspies do that? Why do men flirt like crazy or act as though they're interested when they know that they won't ever see you again after the two weeks (in my case). What's the point? I just don't understand if they don't plan on keeping in touch?

The idea is to spread his seed far and wide. But some intelligence keeps him from it. It's a strong male instinct.

Oh sweetie....I don't think the issue is NT vs. Aspie on this one. I think it's more like nice guy vs. jerk. There are so many reasons why a man (or woman, for that matter) flirts when he has no intention of following through. Maybe he was looking for an ego boost? Maybe he was bored in his relationship, and was testing the waters to see if he still had what it took to attract a woman. Maybe he was hoping he'd nail you during the trip, and you didn't fall for it.

I've got to be honest with you though, hon....this guy sounds a little creepy to me - the staring, the lurking - yuck. It's impossible to know why he's not emailing you, but I think it's probably best to forget him (even though I know that's got to be difficult to do). And please remember that while this guy's behavior is odd (and if affected you), it's really about him and not about you: it doesn't mean you're unattractive, or there's anything wrong with you. To the contrary, you responded to someone who showed interest - that's completely normal. I hope you'll meet someone who is as nice as you seem to be. Good luck, honey.

- Maybe he's not sure how to respond.
- Maybe he just a jerk who saw you as someone to have fun with and never intended to actually meet again.
- Maybe he saw you more as a friend and sensed you saw him differently.
- Maybe he moved on to someone else and doesn't know what to say to you.
- ...

Without any details, one can only guess about his motives. Still, why don't you give it a few days extra? Maybe he's just too busy to give your mail the attention it needs.

I just have to mention the questionable morality of pursuing a connection with someone in a committed relationship.Usually doesn't end well for either party.

I don't know. Some guys are just like that, especially if you were on holiday. I met a guy on holiday once (nothing happened, we just flirted), and we exchanged email addresses. I never heard from him again. But I didn't actually care in the slightest, because it was so obvious that he wouldn't email me. You know why? He never even asked my name. Not once, in a week.

EDIT: dammit, I said "holiday" meaning "vacation" again, didn't I? I'm trying to stop doing that, it confuses Americans (I'm British).

Honestly, flirting itself is fun. He was on tour, and he has a girlfriend. Most likely he wanted a quick fling. Or at least, he wanted to want to have a quick fling.

When he asked you if you smoked, did he say what? Because as somebody that smokes a LOT of marijuana that is what I ask if I want to smoke with a girl. I say "Do you smoke?" and if they say yes, and I have weed on me. I smoke them up.