Still don't know what to do.

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Btw this isn't a personality profile.

Not much change from last time, I am beginning think that this is truly impossible. I'm not interested in dating sites. It's far too desperate I won't go that far down the devil advocate road to sink into the love pit from hell. I don't know what is going happen. I guess I figure I could occupy my life with nothing but ambition but I don't think that we last long. I am sick of this situation but I guess if at first you don't succeed try and try again. So here me posting again. It made hopeless but it is worth a shot. On a side note I have seen various doctor's but nothing helps. My depression comes and goes but usually it's the thought of being alone is what making go back to this state. I guess I am trying to work out exactly what i am doing wrong. Otherwise I can only blame God for such a tragic state of affairs. Another side note. My younger sister of 16 had finally got a boyfriend. Though I don't show it front of her it depresses me that she can I can't any measure of love with the opposite sex.

Maybe I should begin with myself. I've had my share of infatuations and know that are just that. You can't love someone you don't even know or not well anyway. I write and love it. Suppose it the only thing that keeps me sane. I typically don't like that state of the world and don't like my home town. In fact I don't even like my own name. Shameful as it seems I don't find myself pleased by name given to me from birth. I just don't like it. Nothing to do with depression or anything. Anyway, my friend or what was best friend, I can only assume because I don't click with the clubbing lifestyle that may or may not want to talk, I not sure what my position is there. Nah I don't have a problem with loud noises or crowds or whatever. I am use that. Not really bother auditory stuff that some aspie people get. I must also admit I don't think I am very attractive at all but though some people disagree. I have been told I look good from parents, friends and etc. I can't say for sure I don't people would want to date me. I have given glances before and girls have I don't know have come up to say hi but I do have trust issues I guess. I tend not trust people, always picking at the subtle details. I tend to work people out, still though I have hard time finding any form of love at all. As I have said in the haven part of the forum I have cut a lot people off.

This did make me happier person overall. I had enough of dealing with said people. They would not offer help of any kind and certainly weren't much of a friend to me. I don't hypocrites I guess. Then again who does. I hear they call me this but I don't I agree. True I have lied but not about anything important. I lie about things I don't want people knowing the truth about. You know flattery all that goes along way to keep the peace. Apparently this hypocritical of me but I don't a lie is hypocritical until you live the lie. I don't. I just don't like whole need to get on the bad side of people. I drink but not worthy AA. I am just occasional drinker surprising as that sounds. My mother is very controlling, though I have did anything she asked beyond a gentlemen's help with carrying groceries. I say what I want to do in my life though she trys very hard to make that difficult. I do not have respect for aspie kind as once did. A female aspie's display of blatantly B.S destroyed any respect I had for her. I grew tired of all her moral remarks despite being able to slip completely and entirely under peer pressure. She constantly lies and makes me out to some sort of stalker despite the fact that we were once friends for 2 years of my life. Apparently her new group friends are real nice. Especially when goes up to me and similes at my dismay.

I figure the words "fu*( off" would be appropriate but decided I just wanted nothing more to do with her. Had enough of trying to be nice with all the B.S. (I Have censored this, I don't want to offend anyone). I don't have a type per say but I guess someone who I find attractive while also be amazed by terrific personality. Perhaps another herself maybe. I love the appreciation of good literature. Can't stand twilight though. Sorry gals hate the series personally too much lust and not enough love. True those things go hand in hand but personality should matter somewhere along the lines. I could go for hours about the weird pedo and stalker love stuff that goes on in those books but I am not here to debate the worthiness of Stephanie Meyers book of horrible fan fiction. (Sorry I just have to say, I gotta have a laugh some time). I guess my big problem figuring out who likes me and who doesn't. I recently got into Richelle Meads works. Gotta say I love her work. Lust and love. All well written and considered. (Not sure about reading the teen fiction though.) Still a great writer and I hope one day to follow in those same footsteps of becoming a publish writer.

Anyway I am going to browse that other part of the forums for now; I hope this gives a clearer picture.

Assuming you're a male as you're getting glances from women. But how old are you?

As a guy, I read something like that and my first instinct is "what can I do" but, as the reader, I need to pause.

Are you here to vent or is there a question or a problem you'd like help with?

If you're a guy, dispose of your V-Chip by any means necessary and then decide what you want to do.