asperger's not helping relationships?

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VioletTiger
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17 Jan 2010, 7:08 pm

so, at one point i thought i guy liked me, i thought he was showing signs, and i asked him out, and basically, he said no. i'm still confused about it. now i like a guy, and i think he might like me, and i'm waaaay to scared to ask him out, for fear of a retake of what happened before. is it because i have aspergers that i'm misreading guy's signals? i know i can't ask this guy out without the HUGE factor of being embarressed, because i have a premonition that he would say no. and if he says no, they EVERYBODY knows. are guys just confusing, or is it me? and what about this guy? he's showing signs that he is, like me, hiding it. and he's a lot like me (only minus the aspergers) so i think i might know that he likes me. argh! what do i do??


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Lene
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17 Jan 2010, 7:27 pm

I've been there before. I would actually recommend not asking guys out directly (I know I'm gonna get flack for that)

There's a line in 'He's just not that into you' which says that most men like the chase and don't actually want to be asked out by women. Whilst this isn't true for all guys (or possibly even most), there does seem to be a bit of a pattern in guys that I know whose girlfriends asked them out first; they tend to take them more for granted and work less hard at the relationship.

From personal experience, there have been two guys I have asked out after thinking they may have fancied me. One said no and I'm really glad now (we're still friends), the other said yes, but it turned out he didn't fancy me at all beforehand (I was just a replacement for his ex- in his own words!) and the relationship was very one-way.

There may be guys out there who fancy you and are too shy to ask you; The most I would recommend you do though is make things a bit easier for them to tell you like them (you'll find plenty of 'how to flirt' tips on the internet), rather than straight out ask them out yourself.

That's just my 2 cents; I'm sure others here will completely disagree with me.



KittenWithAWhip
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17 Jan 2010, 8:06 pm

No disagreement here. Every time I have thought a guy liked me, and I made the first move, they ran fast and hard. WTH?? In my experience, it doesn't matter if they fancy you or not. If they were ready to be dating you, they would ask.

That said, I don't regret doing it, any of the times. It was embarassing at first, but I learned a lot and was rather proud of myself for just doing it. You could try and be pleasantly surprised. If you can keep a "so what" attitude, even if this one says no, then go for it. It's just a no, and there are a lot of fish in the sea.

So...keep us posted okay?

P.S. I found my current bf by asking for love advice on here--turns out he's way better than the one that ran away. You just never know... :wink:


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17 Jan 2010, 8:13 pm

When I was 14, I thought this boy liked me. He was always asking me if I needed help, he was always poking at my panties, always running his finger on my back and at my butt, he always sat next to me but then one day a kid sitting next to him said he likes me and the boy said he didn't and said to me "Beth I don't like you okay." I felt hurt and confused. I never let him touch me again.



VioletTiger
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17 Jan 2010, 8:20 pm

"When I was 14, I thought this boy liked me. He was always asking me if I needed help, he was always poking at my panties, always running his finger on my back and at my butt, he always sat next to me but then one day a kid sitting next to him said he likes me and the boy said he didn't and said to me "Beth I don't like you okay." I felt hurt and confused. I never let him touch me again."

um, sorry but, that didn't exactly help.


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Wayne
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17 Jan 2010, 8:42 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
When I was 14, I thought this boy liked me. He was always asking me if I needed help, he was always poking at my panties, always running his finger on my back and at my butt, he always sat next to me but then one day a kid sitting next to him said he likes me and the boy said he didn't and said to me "Beth I don't like you okay." I felt hurt and confused. I never let him touch me again.


Boys sometimes try very hard to hide the fact from other boys that they like a particular girl. I don't know why.



17 Jan 2010, 9:40 pm

VioletTiger wrote:
"When I was 14, I thought this boy liked me. He was always asking me if I needed help, he was always poking at my panties, always running his finger on my back and at my butt, he always sat next to me but then one day a kid sitting next to him said he likes me and the boy said he didn't and said to me "Beth I don't like you okay." I felt hurt and confused. I never let him touch me again."

um, sorry but, that didn't exactly help.



Why?



VioletTiger
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17 Jan 2010, 10:22 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
VioletTiger wrote:
"When I was 14, I thought this boy liked me. He was always asking me if I needed help, he was always poking at my panties, always running his finger on my back and at my butt, he always sat next to me but then one day a kid sitting next to him said he likes me and the boy said he didn't and said to me "Beth I don't like you okay." I felt hurt and confused. I never let him touch me again."

um, sorry but, that didn't exactly help.



Why?



because it wasn't really advice, it is just a story with no moral. it didn't really help me with my situation. sorry.


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17 Jan 2010, 11:23 pm

Sorry, I didn't know I was supposed to reply to your post only.



VioletTiger
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18 Jan 2010, 12:03 am

sorry, i over reacted.


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