Relationship Rant. Feedback Please? Update: We're Broken Up

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::sighs:: Okay, my current situation: I've been involved with a very sweet guy for around three months now. He's cute, kind, and endearing. However, after getting to know him better I'm starting to think he's not the one for me. For one thing, he hasn't had a job for about a year now. He also doesn't have a car and I have to drive us everywhere we go. I am a hard-working graduate student with a part-time job, and I feel uninspired by someone who sits around and plays video games all the time. I also don't think he "gets me." At first when we were hanging out it seemed like we had a lot to talk about, but now every time I try to start a conversation he responds in two different ways: "yeah babe" or "it's whatever babe." I need stimulation! He also lives with his mother, and his mother does not know how to keep a house clean. So he always smells like dirty dogs.

The problem is I feel like crap about this because I just gave him a framed photograph of us for Christmas, because that's what he asked for. And now I'm thinking about breaking up with him, and I know he's craaazy about me. I hate to break someone's heart. I'm also frustrated because I've been through so many relationships, and none of them work out. Maybe I need to be more choosey? What does everyone think? I would appreciate some feedback so much right now.

I honestly think you should give it more time. It's only been three months and every relationship has its struggles. I'm sure he's TRYING to find a job. If not, maybe you should give him a talk about how important money is. I've found that although, it may seem like they don't appreciate you, they really DO. My ex said a few things to me, and I took it the wrong way and through that, I finally felt appreciated. But putting someone through the drama, just put a damper on our relationship and we broke up. Now, I wish I never did that and I miss the relationship, now that its gone. Also, you may find on certain days that you may not talk often but just the fact that you have someone thats there for you is love in itself. I hope I gave a good two cents worth.

Breaking up with him now (if that's what you really want) would be better in the long run than dragging things out and hoping he'll change. Just because you gave him a photograph for Christmas doesn't mean you signed a contract to stay with him for life and it's a lot easier to break things off after 3 months than 3 years...

I was in your situation last year; I wasn't sure how to end it with my bf (we went out 4 months) and I was always worried about my timing (too close to Christmas, New year etc...,) and how he'd cope , but looking back, I was a bit of a fool. He dumped me and didn't worry at all that it was the week before my birthday (well, until he realised other guys were interested ). The advice I would give myself now is end it when it's over.

You're only 26; lots of people don't meet the right person till much later, and at least you've got better idea of what you want in a person now.

edit: to the guys who posted above, come on... 2-3 months is a long time to give a relationship a go. If it were one or two dates, I would say try again (and only if you want to), but after months, you should be allowed throw them back and find another fish in the sea!

Is the reason he isn't working because he has trouble finding work?

I'd agree with what Lene said tbh. With my first boyfriend I never quite felt happy with him, and although he actually told me he loved me, I think I hurt him more by trying to be with him when my heart wasn't truly in it. I guess only you know what you want and how you really feel, but if the only reason you don't want to break up with him is hurting his feelings it might be kindest to do so in the long run.

It sounds like a bad match to me, you work hard and he is unambitious. You could possibly end up supporting him. I think you deserve more.

Have you discussed these issues with him?

Anyway I think Lene's got a point too, you'll only hurt him the longrun if he's not your type. I think it probably best to just move on. If he has a healthy attitude he'll eventually get over it and move on too.

Dating is not about long term commitment but finding out who you click with and feel kindred toward.

First, you have to be honest with yourself. Second, you have to be honest with him.

From the sound of things, you are an intelligent, driven, sweet lady. He plays video games, lives with his mom, and smells bad. Dump him. Give him The Talk and cut it cleanly. It's usually easier for guys that way.

Thank you; you all have been amazing! I have discussed the issues with him myself, and really to no resolution. I wouldn't turn to a forum before actually talking things over with the person I'm involved with, thankfully. I just doubt he's expecting me to dump him... Nonetheless, that's probably what I'm going to do.

From listening to friends, and my own experiences in retrospect, I believe that even if all the signs are there that being dumped is rarely 'expected'. You talk about both good and bad qualities; if the bad were lessened or removed, would you still want to be with him? If the answer is no, then splitting with him is probably advisable. If yes, then consider backing away from things and explain that you need to consider where things are going, and explain why. It may still end the relationship, but it is another option. I know I am far from perfect - or even tolerable, some days - but my wife has told me that my continued effort to try makes up for those days when I am unbearable to be around and can't stand to be around other people.


M.