Have you ever had a partner who wouldn't read about AS?

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Or does your current partner refuse to read anything about it?


My first boyfriend wouldn't read anything about it. His excuse was it's wouldn't be about me if he read it. Instead anything I didn't like or anything I thought that was different than his friends, he assumed it was the AS when it didn't even had nothing to do with it.

I loaned a book on AS to a good friend of mine (who I hope will become my g.f. soon). I hope she has time to look at it.

My boyfriend has never read about it. Instead he prefers to observe my behaviour so he knows how my ASD affects me, and he does this with other people as well. He has two cousins with autistic disorders: one has Asperger's and the other has autism and he fully appreciates the difference between the two. Plus his best friend also has Asperger's.

So he has never ever read about it when he first heard of the condition?

Sounds like a good indication that you needed to get that person out of your life -- I can't stand pig-headed ignorance, and won't associate with such people.

Yes. I have experienced this.

I don't see why partners need to know in the first place. I didn't tell my first girlfriend simply because the thought of doing so never crossed my mind. If I had, I doubt she'd have cared too much anyway, let alone actually read into it. But, hey, that gives you a little insight into why we broke up.

Anyway, I'm going off topic, so I'll shut up now.

Because then they understand you better and understand how your mind works. My ex wouldn't stop joking with me and quit his sarcasm. I told him I was literal and he didn't seem to get it so I wanted him to read about AS online. He seemed to keep thinking if he kept joking with me and stuff I'd stop being literal. No I just didn't know when he be serious. I stop listening to people if they are hardly serious but this was a relationship so it was hard. I also wanted him to understand sensory issues because he expected me to get used to the feeling of sticky skin. My mom said lot of people don't like it but me, I just can't stand it. We can tell other aspies to get used to things like wool, bright lights since lot of people don't like them either or tell aspies to get used to clothing tags. See, same thing as telling me "get used to it."

It took years for me to get used to clothing tags, but I did eventually manage. There are a few things that still bother me though, mainly because of hypersensitivity. Sound and light are still painful at times, and that's something people should be prepared to accept when around me.

Certain pitches are worse than others though. It's difficult to describe, because most people don't go through it.

As it relates to the topic, my first girlfriend read up on it. The second and third didn't, but I got out of those relationships quick. The person I'm talking to now has read up on it, but she realized quick she has to take everything with a grain of salt. She recognizes right off the bat that the symptoms tend to change over time, which is going to be very useful if we do get close.

I'm just a little cautious, because I don't want to get hurt or make the wrong choice. Combining that fear with feeling completely alone, it's a little confusing in my head, but I'm dealing with it. I know I'm not the most mentally stable person, but I trust that my intelligence and gentle-nature will make up for that.

Yep! My partner has never read anything about ME/CFS and I've had that condition for over 10 years...... ALSO he won't read anything about Asperger's or Autism.....we have an autistic godson and I 'm self Dxed Asperger's..... with appointment this coming week for official diagnosis. At first he didn't see why he should come with me to the appointment....sort of like a "that's your problem attitude" but due to a recent meltdown I think he is beginning to realize that it is an "our situation" condition and has agreed to accompany me to the appointment.

Actually I don't understand why people refuse to become informed about health conditions of "loved ones" ......I think it is a necessary thing to do.. like when my brother developed type 2 diabetes...and was DX bipolar... or my father with severe heart condition which eventually killed him 32 years ago.

But NTs will never understand us really, and most don't even bother trying. That's why I prefer going out with Aspies. Plus, most NTs (especially the stupid idiots that make up the majority of girls my age) would probably just act like I have a disease or something.

About your literal thing, it seems that NTs who change their language for our benefit are virtually non-existant, unless they are some sort of careworkers or something who are paid to act so exagurated that it's patronising.

I have a boyfriend who has AS. I try to read as much as I can about AS, so that I can understand him, but I can not always trust what I read. Not everything applies to everyone. I think the best source of info for a gf/bf is the person's parents or someone who is close to them. Who else knows them better?

It just gives you an insight about the condition. Not every aspie in the same. That why you need to know your partner well to see how they are badly effected by it. It also gives you a heads up about it like the book might say aspies don't like surprises, you can ask your partner if he likes surprises. He might say yes or no or "it depends" because there are all types of surprises. Bad ones, good ones.

It be wrong to read a book and assume your partner has every single trait and sensitive to every single thing. That's why you ask questions like "You don't mind me taking a different route do you?" than assuming he won't like it just because the book said aspies get upset by that change or might get upset.

My last boyfriend refused to read any information about it; annoying because I think we would have got on better and had less misunderstandings if he had, (although I don't think we'd still be together). He said he didn't want to read the official information and would rather me explain how it affected me. I have always found it difficult to explain aspergers to people, I put the emphasis on the wrong thing, leave important stuff out, feel like I'm either being melodramatic or not making it sound serious enough.... So I was no good at explaining it and he didn't understand.

Next time I would insist on someone reading a small amount of information about it, (only if it was serious of course, I don't care about some guy I'm only going to see a few times for fun).

No because he can't read very well, but he has spoken to all of us about how are ASD's affect us and has watched a couple of documentaries on the matter. He has also asked me to read to him about it, which I have yet to do

Granted, I am not a college kid out there for a good time before I have kids - but I do practice changing my language all the time.

I didn't realize in what way my desired future husdband was different from me until too late. After a slow, perfect beginning I found that his behavior became mean and abusive and he probably found mine the same. Now I have read books about AS and reevaluated everything we said or didn't say to each other. I suppose you could say it's my special interest. To the point of neglecting my jobs and friends, I hang out here to learn more and I practice talking with him in my head. I try to be literal and leave nothing open to interpretation, try to fliter out my unspoken expectations.

Just in case I ever get a chance to talk with him again...