She likes me, she likes me not...

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robuust
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17 Jan 2010, 11:04 am

Hi!
First post in this forum, gonna be a long one :) english is not my native language, so apologies for the bad sentences :P

She is 16 (almost 17) and I'm 20.

A bit of history:
Girl likes me, I like her. So far so good. She is very pretty, which makes me kinda nervous, you know :P After the usual texting back and forth, I asked her on a date. I was so freaking nervous, and a bit needy to, because i fell in love with her :( We went to the movies, the date itself was nice, but i had quite high expectations at the end. Obviously, this went out to be a dissapointment. :( 2 days later she said via MSN that she sees me more as a friend, rather as a boyfriend.
"This sucks" I thought by myself, but hey, s**t happens! After a couple of weeks i was like, i'm moving on, lots of other girls.

Once in a while she talked to me at MSN, very shallow conversations.

Then, I saw her in real life again, at a party. Man, she was horrible, ignoring me, scornfull comments and the like. F*ck this, I concentrated on having fun with other people :)
I removed her from MSN and stuff. Not really actually, I just ignored her :P

A couple of months later, when she again attempted conversation, I decided to talk back :) Very nice conversations from that point, but i never initiated it, she did :) So, there is still some interest in me, or what?

This is odd, actually, so i confronted her with her behaviour, and why she is doing so friendly and all. She said she had a good time hanging out with me, but there wasn't really a click. I'm a nice person and such.
I said, i want to get this over with. Her reply? well, then you should remove me from MSN and all...
:o
I said, i dont want to erase you like a bad drawing, can't we just all get along? She was cool with that. She was also really sorry about the scornful comments, she feels ashamed and regrets it. :)

Well, with the issues between her and me and gone, I secured myself a place in the friend zone. Or did i?
The contact between me and her increased, and when i saw her again a while ago, she was all touchy and stuff. More confusion.
Later on MSN, i just asked bluntly, do you fancy me? She said, well, you're a very nice person, and you know, it has been always more than friends between us.
Whoa! a totally unexpected answer, and a very good one :mrgreen:

So, the question is:
Is she stringing me along (keeping me on the hook, or however you say that) :?
Or should i take her out, go ice skating or something? :)

Thing is, i don't want to be ditched again ;)
And on a side note, i'm not in love, which is nice, because then i have clear thoughts en self-discipline, which i need :)



Last edited by robuust on 17 Jan 2010, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

richie
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17 Jan 2010, 11:56 am

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HopeGrows
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17 Jan 2010, 12:08 pm

Unfortunately, there's not much you can do to avoid getting "ditched" or hurt again by this girl....or any girl, for that matter. Every romantic relationship involves risk - there's no way to avoid it.

As far as this girl is concerned, it doesn't seem to me like she has any kind of evil plan where you're concerned - she sounds like she's behaving like a 16 year old. You're both very young, so you're both still learning what relationships are all about. That "education" involves trial and error, and learning as you go - I think that's what's happening in your case.

As far as you're concerned, you are learning the perils of trying to be friends with someone you're attracted to. The best advice I can offer is that if you want to date this girl, ask her out - and make it clear you want to date her. If she turns you down, I suggest taking a break from the "friendship" for a while, until your attraction to her fades. (It's okay to explain that to her, so that she doesn't think that you're punishing her for turning down your invitation to date.) However, if she turns you down and you don't take the break, I think you'll be in for a rollercoaster ride that will ultimately not end well: no gf/bf relationship, no friendship, and plenty of heartache. Good luck.



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17 Jan 2010, 12:46 pm

Well she's still in her teens so she probably confused right now. Not sure if she is relationship material but wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

However I if I were you I wouldn't put too many expectations into it given the past history. She is at that age where she is still figuring things out on her own.


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robuust
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17 Jan 2010, 2:41 pm

Quote:
it doesn't seem to me like she has any kind of evil plan where you're concerned - she sounds like she's behaving like a 16 year old.

Haha, I like this part :P :lol:

Seriously, interesting comments, the both of you! :)

Actually, I do not really want to be friends right now, I want to date ;) but indeed, if she turns me down, and I take the break, we could be friends because she's fun to hang around with :)

thanks all! :)

More advice is always welcome :)



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17 Jan 2010, 3:37 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
As far as this girl is concerned, it doesn't seem to me like she has any kind of evil plan where you're concerned - she sounds like she's behaving like a 16 year old.


Yeah, I learned this with my own ex... teenagers, especially the ladies, tend to have wildly varying emotional states.



Shiznown
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17 Jan 2010, 11:51 pm

robuust wrote:
Hi!
First post in this forum, gonna be a long one :) english is not my native language, so apologies for the bad sentences :P

She is 16 (almost 17) and I'm 20.

A bit of history:
Girl likes me, I like her. So far so good. She is very pretty, which makes me kinda nervous, you know :P After the usual texting back and forth, I asked her on a date. I was so freaking nervous, and a bit needy to, because i fell in love with her :( We went to the movies, the date itself was nice, but i had quite high expectations at the end. Obviously, this went out to be a dissapointment. :( 2 days later she said via MSN that she sees me more as a friend, rather as a boyfriend.
"This sucks" I thought by myself, but hey, sh** happens! After a couple of weeks i was like, i'm moving on, lots of other girls.

Once in a while she talked to me at MSN, very shallow conversations.

Then, I saw her in real life again, at a party. Man, she was horrible, ignoring me, scornfull comments and the like. F*ck this, I concentrated on having fun with other people :)
I removed her from MSN and stuff. Not really actually, I just ignored her :P

A couple of months later, when she again attempted conversation, I decided to talk back :) Very nice conversations from that point, but i never initiated it, she did :) So, there is still some interest in me, or what?

This is odd, actually, so i confronted her with her behaviour, and why she is doing so friendly and all. She said she had a good time hanging out with me, but there wasn't really a click. I'm a nice person and such.
I said, i want to get this over with. Her reply? well, then you should remove me from MSN and all...
:o
I said, i dont want to erase you like a bad drawing, can't we just all get along? She was cool with that. She was also really sorry about the scornful comments, she feels ashamed and regrets it. :)

Well, with the issues between her and me and gone, I secured myself a place in the friend zone. Or did i?
The contact between me and her increased, and when i saw her again a while ago, she was all touchy and stuff. More confusion.
Later on MSN, i just asked bluntly, do you fancy me? She said, well, you're a very nice person, and you know, it has been always more than friends between us.
Whoa! a totally unexpected answer, and a very good one :mrgreen:

So, the question is:
Is she stringing me along (keeping me on the hook, or however you say that) :?
Or should i take her out, go ice skating or something? :)

Thing is, i don't want to be ditched again ;)
And on a side note, i'm not in love, which is nice, because then i have clear thoughts en self-discipline, which i need :)

Personally I would tell her to f**k off. She sounds like a real whore. Oh, and never date teenagers, they are nothing but trouble.



Shiznown
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17 Jan 2010, 11:54 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
HopeGrows wrote:
As far as this girl is concerned, it doesn't seem to me like she has any kind of evil plan where you're concerned - she sounds like she's behaving like a 16 year old.


Yeah, I learned this with my own ex... teenagers, especially the ladies, tend to have wildly varying emotional states.

They also tend to be stupid. Teens in general that is.



robuust
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19 Jan 2010, 5:44 am

she IS a whore.
asked her the other day if she wanted to go out with me. she said, currently i'm very busy with school, sorry. sounds legimate, I have a week of tests coming up too.

looked on her profile page, she does want to date some other guy. this week. she probably kissed him on a new years eve party, according to the messages.

why am i so naive?

removed her from everything, she wont bother me again.



Daniella
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19 Jan 2010, 7:59 am

Shame it ended like that but not too surprising.
I generally don't put much faith in other people. Working pretty good for me so far.



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19 Jan 2010, 10:25 am

robuust wrote:
she IS a whore.
asked her the other day if she wanted to go out with me. she said, currently i'm very busy with school, sorry. sounds legimate, I have a week of tests coming up too.

looked on her profile page, she does want to date some other guy. this week. she probably kissed him on a new years eve party, according to the messages.

why am i so naive?

removed her from everything, she wont bother me again.


I can understand how you're mad; she does appear to be toying with your feelings, or perhaps seriously confused herself. Either way, it probably is good that you are no longer in contact with her

However, be careful not to go down the bitter road of thinking every girl who's not interested in you is a 'whore'. I've used the Busy with Work excuse myself to turn down dates, and yes, I may have gone out with someone else shortly afterwards. I like to think that doesn't make me a whore. Everybody has the right to chose who they want to go out with, and pretending to be busy is generally an accepted way to cushion the blow.



robuust
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19 Jan 2010, 11:09 am

my apologies. it may seem that that way, yes.

I am okay with the fact that she is not interested in me. in fact, many girls aren't, and that doesn't make me bitter :)
she is toying with my feelings is not a nice feeling, you know :P
and, on top of it all, she was toying WHILE she had contact with the other guy.
I was mad, and said things that aren't nice. we cool now? :D



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19 Jan 2010, 11:37 am

Yes, this happens a lot to younger girls. People who say "she is young" are only commenting on the symptons and not the problem.

She was using you for attention. When she was bored and/or lonely, she'd chat you up. When there are other opportunities, she'd flock to them. When she felt you were hurt (or again lonely on her part) said what she thought she needed to say to get back into your good graces.

Hints: Shallow conversations. Fluctuating attention. Being hurtful, not playful.

So what is her core problem? Young girls are notorious for their low self esteem (easy pickings for pedophiles) and they're desperately trying to make themselves feel better. In addition, they lack the requisite maturity to understand how their behavior can have a negative (oh they see and pick up on the positive) impact on those around them. To the world, they are the center of it.



robuust
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19 Jan 2010, 12:32 pm

Merle wrote:
Yes, this happens a lot to younger girls. People who say "she is young" are only commenting on the symptons and not the problem.

She was using you for attention. When she was bored and/or lonely, she'd chat you up. When there are other opportunities, she'd flock to them. When she felt you were hurt (or again lonely on her part) said what she thought she needed to say to get back into your good graces.

Hints: Shallow conversations. Fluctuating attention. Being hurtful, not playful.

So what is her core problem? Young girls are notorious for their low self esteem (easy pickings for pedophiles) and they're desperately trying to make themselves feel better. In addition, they lack the requisite maturity to understand how their behavior can have a negative (oh they see and pick up on the positive) impact on those around them. To the world, they are the center of it.


damn.

spot on.

I am impressed by your knowledge, actually :) you have a PhD in psychology or something? :P



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19 Jan 2010, 12:52 pm

robuust wrote:
my apologies. it may seem that that way, yes.

I am okay with the fact that she is not interested in me. in fact, many girls aren't, and that doesn't make me bitter :)
she is toying with my feelings is not a nice feeling, you know :P
and, on top of it all, she was toying WHILE she had contact with the other guy.
I was mad, and said things that aren't nice. we cool now? :D


Yep, we're cool :) Don't get me wrong, I completely understand why you're mad; I'd be too. She may have been toying with the other guy too though, and at that age it seems as if its not uncommon to date several people at once before picking one to go 'steady with' (I don't agree with it personally, but a lot of people do). Basically, don't take it to heart and think she was trying to make a fool of you; she probably wasn't thinking her actions through at all.



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19 Jan 2010, 1:41 pm

robuust wrote:
damn.

spot on.

I am impressed by your knowledge, actually :) you have a PhD in psychology or something? :P


Lol, thanks :)

37 years of being on this planet -- increases in age generally increase experience
Listening to other older people -- my dad is 77 years old (heh, do the math)
Arguing with my younger sister -- graduated w/ psych degree from Stanford and Law degree from Berkley and passed the bar the 1st time grrrr, but guess who called crying last night ;)
Managing a global team -- helps a lot with understanding interpersonal relationships and different cultures
Reading philosophy like Sun Tzu -- know yourself, win 50%, know the other win 50%, know both win 100%
And done "bad" things, which I deny vehemently.

But ultimately, I think it was my curse as a young man to read authors such as Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein, Alexander Dumas and Ayn Rand. This made me want a world which was embodied by those authors and had those kind of people.

When I saw the world was not as such, I wondered "why?" And ultimately, isn't that what makes us wiser?

Questioning the world at large, not understanding and/or accepting what is, and ultimately trying to figure out if we are incorrect in our assumptions or if the world is wrong.

And now to go skiing, 1.5' of fresh powder :)