Why oh why is it not the done thing to say how one feels?

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immanuel
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22 Jan 2010, 4:55 pm

This is of course a complaint as old as the ages, but is nevertheless a valid one. What I find so frustrating is that, at the moment, there exists a girl who it appears likes me, and whom I like. Now for a normal person, or at least for some normal people, the way ahead would be relatively straightforward: continue to interact with the person, until you reach a stage when so much evidence has been accumulated that the person does indeed like you that a move can be made. However, because of general awkwardness, these interactions are not easy. Specifically in my case, I hate triangular or quadrangular or n-angular social situations, and so if I encounter the girl in question in such a situation, I tend to make a bosh of it, to say little or nothing or even ignore her, and thus appear rude and/or disinterested, when that's the last thing I want to appear.
If I could just say either, I like you, or, less drastically, Please don't take any perceived rudeness for actual rudeness, i'm just a rard, how much simpler and less soul-murdering would life be?

/rant



TheMidnightJudge
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22 Jan 2010, 7:35 pm

I guess straightforward is less romantic. Which is unfortunate. My best chance at a relationship was ruined partially by this rule of indirection.
I know there are times when it's okay to say things blatantly, but I couldn't say where or when.
Maybe do something like ask her out on a date, which should make your feelings clear.

Good luck.


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HopeGrows
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22 Jan 2010, 11:02 pm

OP, would it be too awkward to tell the young lady that you never mean to appear rude, but you find that you get nervous around her, and are not sure how to behave? If she's a nice girl, I bet she'll think it's awfully cute that she makes you nervous. Sound low risk enough to try?



ToadOfSteel
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22 Jan 2010, 11:19 pm

But at the same time, nervousness can prevent you from doing anything at all unless a woman really likes you and is perceptive about your nervousness... Believe me, I have a lot of experience on the matter... :roll:



immanuel
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23 Jan 2010, 8:42 am

HopeGrows wrote:
OP, would it be too awkward to tell the young lady that you never mean to appear rude, but you find that you get nervous around her, and are not sure how to behave? If she's a nice girl, I bet she'll think it's awfully cute that she makes you nervous. Sound low risk enough to try?


Well, something of that ilk certainly, but surely there's very little difference between saying that, and saying something more direct. After all, it's not around everybody that people get nervous, so an implication would be that I do like her. Now while I don't mind making such an implication, i'd rather it weren't so on the nose. So I think perhaps if I were to say something more general, that I get nervous around people or something, an implication of that would be that I care enough for her opinion of me to make such a revelation. But yeah, this is in general the avenue to pursue, although again it has to be said at an appropriate time etc.