does this ever happen to you?

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have you ever talked to girl or boy that you're attracted to, and you find out or maybe already know that they're only talking to you to be nice and polite? It's happened to me a lot. Seems it's the only time girls will talk to me. Sometimes just because they feel sorry for me. Quite frankly when I try to start some sort of conversation with somebody I may like and they don't really want to talk to me, it would be easier on me if they just told me to f*** off than to lead me on. Even though they're most likely not leading me on, rather I'm reading too far into someone being kind to me.

Yes, I can't stand people why pity me.

I'm sorry. I understand that would be awful.

oh boy would that be frustrating.

Hmm well they're trying to be nice b/c they are nice people it isn't pity at all they just don't like to make people upset or offend them. Also they may not know you like them people talk to each other all the time maybe even just one time with a stranger they just met and never again that just how it is. But if you wanna know a better way to get to someone you like read some books on body language for one good books exist that are helpful then practice what they tell you to do. I've found (and I'm an Aspergers diagnosed around 12 or so) if you practice it and learn it everything becomes much more clear and you can tell if they are just being nice or actually enjoy talking to you. For instance Thursday in one of my classes I was late and had to sit down in the nearest open seat that being right next to an attractive young woman I would have liked to talk to. Well to be fair she was talking already to another girl just to the other side of me (me in middle) and eventually she made a comment to me about class or something don't really remember... You can think of that as pity if you like but I think she was being nice and trying to include me in the conversation since I was being so quiet, and after a few little comments (had to be brief and quiet teacher was in lecture mode lol) we had a fairly nice conversation nothing note worthy to someone who is used to it but if you don't talk alot a nice conversation with someone from time to time is just that a nice chat.

Now if I want to say hello or sit there again I can and it won't feel or be awkward to do so as we've become acquainted a little now. I do think most aspies have the idea that if they talk to the person they like and they do well that they'll always do well and quickly start dating but the fact is you can spend weeks or months just talking to them (even if they like you too) and never even hang out with them outside of in my case a classroom. I'd recommend to you first try to make a few friends not alot just one or two is good b/c they have some that they'll introduce you too etc etc etc and you'll start meeting their friends that know girls and they'll talk to you and you'll get more acquainted and eventually you'll meet one you want to date and since they are a friend of a friend and you've been introduced you can talk to them more casually and gauge how they feel and if they don't seem to like you they try to let it go and be friends with them b/c they've got friends and (trust me on this) they will introduce you to some of them with the sole intent of getting the two of you to date as girls (and guys too) don't like their friends to be single and unhappy especially if they've got someone themselves.


So the most basic thing any aspie can learn to help them date is to try to make friends first with some non date interest people and you'll eventually meet someone you can date and talk to through them or with them. Which I know is distressing believe me it's kind of a pattern to follow you want this but you have to walk 30 steps to the left to take one step forward but once you get to that goal finally you'll find that you won't fall all the way back to starting position if it doesn't work out which is what happens when you just walk up to a girl you like and you don't hit it off. If you've got friends and a girl treats you badly they'll say stuff like "screw her man she's a such and such" or "dude forget her lets go do something" which is how you can deal with it better and move on then they'll have your back when you try again or set you up with someone.

Hope that made any sense at all.


oh and PS most friends date amongst themselves my brother dated mostly girls that were friends for years and dated each of them in turn, friends are people that get along generally well together and so they tend to date each other as they get to spend more time together. So friends = dates but it's not absolute just try to be more social you'll learn along the way.

I understand how you feel. What burns me is when girls flirt with you too but arent actually interested in you. You just want to jack-slap them into next week. Don't talk to me unless your interested. And thats that!

Yeah, so?

The basic idea is that you will start up conversations and not all conversations will yield results. The benefit of this is it allows you to try different conversational topics and methods, which help you evaluate what works and doesn't work.

Feeling frustrated with the idea that the conversation has zero chance of going anywhere meaningful is expected - but realize that you can have a good time exercising a simple skill, one which is becoming lost in this day and age. Just talking to a girl now-a-days is viewed as an endeavor in and of itself.

Understand that they may not be leading you on. You have broken the ice and are engaging in a conversation. If the conversation goes nowhere, it may simply be your conversational skills are lacking. The justification may be "it was a pity conversation".

Again, look at it as an opportunity and not a curse.

I concur wholeheartedly! To learn how to do it you have to do it and you'll mess up at first think of it as practice b/c one day you'll succeed so long as you practice you'll become better and better kinda like dating itself people mess up alot and date lots of people b4 knowing how to do it right and find the right person but when they do they love'm and marry them. So think of it like that, we aspies have to start a little behind in social skills but we are better learners and if we practice we can be a great deal better than most.