tollerating your partner's obsessions

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i'm 24 and living with my de facto partner.

Out of the two of us i'm the asipe, i'm the only one with a diagnosis or any noticeable difficulties, but he's definitely on the geek end of the autism spectrum, and he has one very aspie-like habit which i'm beginning to loose my tolerance with.

My problem is he is totally obsessed with Warhammer. these tiny and incredibly complex and expensive plastic war miniatures. I didn't mind it at first, seemed better than a lot of interest he could have and also better than just watching rubbish on telly.

But now it's kinda getting on my nerves. When we moved in together the deal was it stayed in the spare room (we got a 2 room apartment so there was somewhere to keep it all) but it's starting to escape, it's all over the kitchen table (well coffee table we use as a kitchen table), it's blocking the bookshelves so i can't actually reach the books, it's all over his side of our bedroom and i step on it when i try to hang the washing on the drying rack, i even caught him playing with "sprue" in bed.

But the biggest problem is i'm loosing a bit of respect for him, even when he reads he reads novels about warhammer, or just reads a rule book cover to cover, or 10 year old magazines about it. He's quite bright and creative and i just wish he'd use his talents, and time, and energy, and money, on something more respectable and real, something with more practicality or more independent artistic merit, not toys from a profit hungry company that's got him totally hooked.

at least money isn't a big issue, we keep all except the essential sharred bills seperate, so he's free to spend his money on toy soldiers and i'm free to spend mine on coffee and icecream and bass guitars etc.

got any advice, keen to hear views of those with obsessions and those with partners who have obsessions.

I think you are right to be concerned. I would talk to him about where he has his obsession. He appears to have forgotten the "Spare room" only clause. I think it would probably be ideal if he did most of his Warhammer stuff in there apart from reading material.

Might be ideal to tell him how he would feel if you were to break one of his models/figures or whatever. Not that you would do it deliberately, but the point being that it's all over the place and you could step on one potentially destroying it.

I never saw the interest in Warhammer, but I understand people love it. I have my obsessions but I do try to keep them under control. It's not always easy to do.

I'm not sure I'd categorise these as toys as they seem more of a hobby than anything else.

Speak to him about it and be upfront. See where it takes you

I think that I would tread carefully on this one. Don't tell him that he has a one-track-mind. That will get you nowhere. All that I suggest, is that you tell him to keep his models in the designated room, and that if he wants to look at his models, than he can go in there, to look at them. Don't make him feel bad about having that obsession. He won't even let you into that room, again if you do.

I'm obsessed with The Kinks. I have their music, books and a few T-shirts that I made. I thought that it would be a good idea to go to my mum's trailer for a week, when city life was getting to be a bit too much for me to handle. I didn't get any support when I was there. She kept telling me to stop looking at the logo on my T-shirt. She told me to act more like a Canadian citizen, instead of cracking jokes about London. She saw me with my headphones, listening to The Kinks on YouTube at 3 in the morning, and she told me that it was the worse she's ever seen me...BIG mistake. I told her, five hours later, that Mick Avory is my favourite Kink. The one that she put me down for being like, at the age of 23, the summer of 1998, when I was first diagnosed with Depression. She gave me this look, and she didn't say anything toxic towards my obsession, any more. The damage was already done. I've decided to go home, a day and a half early, leaving her a big note about feeling a vibe of acceptance in the city, and I could be who I truly am, in the city.

I recommend you don't tread carefuly at all !

Accidently step on a few invading pieces and when he flips, act all innocent and explain that you didn't expect to see them in the kitchen,....

(that's only if talking to him doesn't seem to work)

If it were me in that situation, I'd remind him that he said he'd keep his warhammer stuff in the room. I would remind him in a level tone.

If he got defensive, I'd explain my feelings gently but honestly, using a lot of 'I' sentences (ex. 'I feel _______', 'I need ________' etc.). I wouldn't use any blaming language (ex. 'You have to' 'You are doing this' 'You're making me feel ________' etc). I feel that a good few people react better to this method because you would be talking about you and not him.

If you have to use you language an ok way is to say 'When you do ________ it makes me feel ________'. Also be sure to listen to him. Our obsessions can be a way sometimes for us to try and deal with other issues as you probably well know. There may be a reason he's letting his obsession take over or as others have said he may have just forgotten the agreement.

It depends on which Warhammer. If we're talking about the "Fantasy" one, then that's okay. The Warhammer 40k stuff is ghey.

I can relate, but you need to give him a little room. Most guys have little things which consume a good portion of their focus. Some of the ones I see are: p0rn, fishing, wheeling, guns, and martial arts.

But a game? Well, at least it's not World of Warcraft.

My advice? Give him his space and let him know you can appreciate his interest and focus in *something*. However, let him know that you do need some time where Warhammer is not a priority. If you feel the need and are comfortable, you can try to set a time limit. But be aware, this usually has harsh consequences if not handled correctly.