Is it impossible to read whether aspie is attracted to me?

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Aspie guy does not give the looks to girls even if they find them attractive?

Do you care if the girl is pretty or not or is it not so important?

I have read aspie guy tends to want someone who is intelligent and deep.

Does it ever occur to you that you want to show off a pretty girl?

You guys fascinate me. I wish I was one. Answer me pls!

I don't speak for all Aspies, but here's my feedback - hopefully others will chime in:

True in my case, in fact I may make an effort *not* to look interested;



For me pretty is important (mandatory?), although I really, really wish I could get over it.



No doubt about it, and the more introverted the better.



Yes, all the time, but there's a big gap between *wanting* and *having*!



Thank you. No you don't. I did. )

Hey

Its hard and be glad you arnt one well at least some of the time i wouldnt give up my AS for the world even when it can be very hard somtimes but yeah i would go for the girl who is more down to earth i would care if they where intelligent or not i dont care but i would like to be able to talk to them about stuff and them being able to understand me actually finding a girl with as could make the whole realeationship thing easier because i ( and im pretty sure others aswell ) stuggle when it comes to realeationships and as for showing off pretty girls we have trouble getting girls in the first place

Thanks for the replies!!

Big hugs and Peace!

Well I can tell you this (attractiveness, his feedback or response to it) has been one of my biggest adjustments in loving a male with aspergers. My advice to you is be easy and flexible with this piece somewhat, or you may end up miserable.

I am a girly-girl. I like to dress up, I have a huge collection of vintage pin-up lingerie. I wear heels. My life experience tells me: guys appreciate this. I think my husband likes it too but this relationship doesn't have the physical feedback that past relationships did. He doesn't grab my butt and tell me I look hot in something (in fact, that almost makes me snicker to read it here it's so ridiculous). Sometimes it can feel (to me) wasted on him, the effort. But in my heart I know it isn't.

He is very funny and clever and in the beginning he made some joke like "Well I might not throw you over the front of my pickup truck and have at you, but I still appreciate that you're beautiful." or some such. I hold onto that thought because it's funny and typical of him.

At times, it has felt demoralizing to spend an hour putting on a sexy outfit, dress up, and maybe not wear a bra or something to make it extra spicy, and he appears completely oblivious. I think "Mmmkay, I could be in sweats, would it matter?"

But I also have to 'own' something about my own sexuality and sense of attractiveness: It is a reflection of my male partner's interest in me.

Like much of dealing with my aspie, I simply accept these feelings are there on his part. The expression of them will not be the same as I'm used to, but the feelings are there. I have to be open to a different type of experience and it pays off everytime if I can accept his difference in relating.

1. What is "the looks"? I'm a little foggy on that one

2. I personalty don't care how the girl looks as long as shes a good person(good person is hard to define, I know) but looks help

3. The reasoning is we look at whats there and how and what, to get blunt, is the quality of the person...not the popularity (at least to my understanding)
Note: I'm not saying were shallow or what ever, I'm trying to say we do things differently and in our own way, but what i understand is we all look for the quality, weather it be looks, brains, cooking, or whatever it may be. and as weird strange abnormal what ever we're called, have different ways.
I may be repeating my self, but I do have difficulty explaining at times.

4. Yes, it does, but since we aren't the most normal people in this wide world, we tended to mess-up or guess wrong...not to say we are incompetent, but miss understand situations sometimes, thus do something the wrong way.

As for wanting to be one, know the full price of your wish before wishing it

I too am foggy on what the "looks" are.


For me, yes, although i think a person becomes more attractive to me when you find out you share common intersts


Im with Grisha- i've sorta just realized that the person im most attracted 2 atm happens to be one of the most deep and intelligant people in my college


even though i don't like admitting it, yes i suppose it does, just not in an obvious way.


lol, i was a bit confused cause i thought u meant u wanted to be a guy, then i realized who "u guys" were

it does have its benefits i suppose but i agree with Metal Man

id also like to add that if i had a girlfreind like Justagirl who made the same amount of effort dressing up for me, i'd wudn't hesitate to tell her how beutiful she looks and how much i appreciate it

Rarely will an Aspie show interest, even furtive glances will be uncommon, and don't expect eye contact at all, few of us are comfortable with it.

Very few of us care absolutely nothing about physical attractiveness, it's built into humans to be more attracted those with physical attributes, it's simply evolution at work. That said, most of us are also able to see past physical looks and appreciate personality much more.

Yes, most of us want someone intelligent and deep. Intelligence is the thing that I find most attractive in females, followed by a few other qualities.

Not really, "showing off" to pretty girls can have bad consequences that normally relate to past experiences for us, either in other failed relationships, growing up in school and things like that. Avoiding such things is safer in most of our minds, and that is one great drawback. It's exceedingly common for social anxiety to be comorbid with Aspergers.

Fascination implies interest implies desire to learn. Something always welcome, so thank you. As for wishing you were one... it's very very rare to find Aspies who didn't have a difficult childhood, it wasn't a fun experience, and neither has been college nor working nor relationships for most of us. Humans are social creatures, and by definition, social skills and ability to integrate instinctually with our species is something us Aspies lack. Coupled with the innate cruelty of children to "wierd, nerdy, shy" kids growing up, and it's just a very unpleasant thing. When you add in the comorbid disorders common to the Autism spectrum such as sensory disorders, depression and whatnot, it's really not something to be wishing for.