Playing Hard To Get

Post Reply New Topic

There is a cute Arabian NT girl who wrote me last month saying "Do I know you? " on facebook and I replied saying "no, but I go to your school"
So we started writing each other and stuff like that. She always sent me a chat message instead of me sending her one. She always put hearts and smiley faces whenever I say anything. I told her in our last conversation that I saw her in school. She didnt see me she said and then she started worrying about how her hair looked and I said you looked cute and your hair is not important and besides you're a nice person.
She put a heart and so forth.
The thing is is that, she'd start a conversation with me, and stop replying without saying anything. So here I am guessing what she's doing. I didn't wanna seem obsessed or needy, but with em and my aspie friend, we had established that I didn't like when people ignore my messages, and I found out that he feels the same way, even worse than me about it.
So I thought I'd establish it with her. I said "Don't you hate it when people don't reply?" and she said, "Oh are u talking about me?"
and I said "No, just people like my friends. It really makes me feel bad" and she said. "I know what you;'re talking about"

I tried it that way so i wouldn't seem needy. So we kept talking, and then she stopped responding. So I decided to be more blunt, like an aspie. I said "Hello are u there? If you are busy just write back when you get this"
She never wrote back. I waited ten minutes. Her facebook chat was on active too, it wasn't on idle (the half moon thing).
Then I said "Are you ignoring me because I don't like that". she never replied. Then I said "Are you ignoring my messages"
So then I deleted her from my friends list.
I couldn't take it anymore. If she was active on facebook, she could have written back saying that she was doing something.
This is not just a girl problem, I hate when guys and girls do it.
I don't know if she was playing hard to get or what. It seemed like she was attracted to me from all the smiley faces and hearts, and initiation of conversations.
But I couldn't take it anymore. I can't handle inconsistent people and she is one of them. She was sort of flaky.
If she sends me a request back, which has happened before with other girls in this type of situation, I'm going to deny her.
idk maybe she does like me, idc, I don't like her inconsistency. If I had the most beautiful girlfriend in the world, and she was inconsistent, and never warned me that she would be inconsistent or never answered me when I wondered why she wasn't replying, I'd dump her, because it's too stressful.

I tried to do a subtle hint like an NT, but then I was blunt about it, and it still didn't work...so what's her problem.

good luck, be yourself...

what do u mean by that magnus? how does that help this situation?

If you are yourself, she'll like you or she won't. Why would you want it any other way. Be yourself. Don't let culture brainwash you to think that you need to be anything other than what you really are. Unless, you don't like yourself, deal with that first. Once you love yourself, which I'm not assuming you don't, you won't have to play any games.

She may have had a legitimate reason for not responding (there's no way you could know what the situation was on her end) or she may be playing games. That sort of stuff is beyond me. But I remember hearing that the best way to stop the "play hard to get" routine is to play hard to get yourself. Apparently it's standard wisdom for women to play hard to get. I never got the memo. Men do seem to like the chase. I had a guy once mooning over me and my roommates said "Aw, give him a chance." So, I did. He lost interest immediately.

This must be an NT guy more than likely. I'm an aspie guy, and I just don't like mind games. Whether a girl plays mind games with me or not, my attraction for her doesn't change. I don't like mind games, so when a girl starts doing that, try to shut down my feelings for her. For many men and women, creating a challenge works, but not for me.
It leaves me frustrated and anxious. Maybe that's how she feels she must treat me to get my attraction. I'm still attracted to her like I was when she was replying to me, and initiating conversations. So I guess I'm just gonna have to stay away from somebody like that because it does nothing but frustrate me, rather than excite me and make me wanna work harder.

Maybe she is Muslim? Sorry Mjackson, I'm no help here.

I had a similar experience with a girl and texting never actually confronted her or anything just didn't send her anymore texts (ever actually ) thing is she didn't like me atleast not the same way I liked her she did seem to like me as a friend but I didn't want that so I cut off my side of the contact. My guess is she doesn't want to deal with it and thought you'd stop for awhile if she didn't say anything that doesn't necessarily mean she was upset or put off or anything but she could have just been bored at the moment for didn't feel like talking. It could be something else entirely but in my experience my first guess is usually the most accurate one of what people think but not always.

Anyway it's too late to worry about it you didn't know her in real life right? AKA talk to her in class or something, if that is the case then try not to think about it just read a book or play a game or maybe even study and after a few weeks (in my case atleast) you won't even think about her anymore and move on. I personally wouldn't re-accept her if she sent a friend request b/c if I didn't know her in person I wouldn't feel like explaining if she asked what happened (which she most likely wouldn't I'm sure, again personal experience) But I don't accept requests from people I don't know anyway and I have a good memory of whom I meet.

No she hates Muslims, that's what she told me...I'm sorry, I said Arab, I should've said Assyrian. She's Christian

Well it's over now. I'm not gonna worry about it. She's outta my life.

A lot of people seem to act like this online. My ex, who was as aspie as they come, used to do this; it drove me up the wall too, when I would have to wait 10 minutes for a reply.

Bear in mind though that it is hard to tell when someone responds, unless your volume is on and even then, if you are engrossed in what you are doing, it is hard to notice. Also, a lot of people have more than one conversation going on, so you will have to wait a bit for them to reply to you.

I wouldn't read too much into the hearts and stuff; a lot of girls use these things as often as full stops

I am with you, I HATE when people do not respond to my messages. It sounds to me like this girl it messing with your head. I think that she likes the idea that you are interested in her without you knowing that she in not interested in you. She is a typical girl and likes attention from guys and you are giving it to her. You did the right thing by asking her why she was ignoring you. Because you asked this she is probably confused because she has not had a guy ask her that before. Just forget about her. If she is going to play the guessing game you don't want her anyways.

Maybe she's tired of doing all the work. Maybe she doesn't just want another internet friend. You saw her at school and didn't say hello.

OP, I think you may have creeped her out. She may have easily thought you were playing games with her because of the way you handled her slow and/or lack of response. The approach you took, asking her, "Don't you hate it when people don't reply?" - and then backing off when she called you on it - seems a bit passive-aggressive. The rest of the exchange seems more aggressive than anything else, up to and including deleting her from your friends list. If she doesn't know that you're an Aspie, and that her behavior really caused you a lot of anxiety, it could be very easy for her to assume that you're issue is control - and that you react angrily when you're not in control. That could be a red flag for any girl.

You could have tried a less "cagey" approach with her like, "I apologize in advance, but it's a pet peeve of mine when people kind of drop off when we're IMing. I understand if you don't have time to talk - but would you let me know when you do have a few minutes to chat? I'd really like to chat when you have the time." That pretty much would have said it all, without the creep factor.

I understand its frusrating but saying stuff like "are you ignoring me" on a regular basis to people really puts them off.

I personally don't really even use facebook chat or msn because people go all emo and say that sort of stuff.

Huh? What a twist. What happened and what can we learn from all this?