I act too much like a guy. :(

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i dont know how to flirt...i dont want to flirt. i slouch when i sit. i think burping contests are fun. dressing in baggy comfort clothes is better than dressing to look hot. i snort when i laugh....the list goes on.
i mean, im not disgusting or anything. i smell nice, and dont have halitosis...i say some weird s**t, or too much info, but im never offensive really....
i guess guys must never approach me because i'm not feminine enough? is it every guy who is put off by chicks who act like "one of the guys"? it makes me feel bad. i think i'm coming to realise i simply dont act girly enough.

Well judging by your pics, you look pretty feminine to me.

But yeah I too have trouble with the whole feminine act. Judging by some posts, there seems to be a fair share of guys that like tom-boyish women.

I say to act like how you want to act and don't worry about if it seems like you're not girly enough. You'll find someone much better for yourself as long as you don't give up and keep acting like yourself than you will if you do give in and act like someone you're not.

Not all guys are into girlygirls. Some of us guys have dificulty asking girls out. I know I certainly do. Signs of interest in these guys can include being extra-shy around you, compared to others. When I'm interested in going out with a girl or a guy, I tend to begin to have a hard time talking. You mention most of your friends are guys. Perhaps one of them would be willing to give you some advice on what they like, or, may be interested in you as well, and just isn't sure how to ask you out.

tomboyishness doesnt bother me at all, in fact sometimes I feel I can relate to them a bit better sometimes, unless they are of the domineering sort.

Do not change. There are people out there who will appreciate you for being yourself instead of pretending to be something you're not and playing the pointless game of gender roles. There are lots of guys who are into girly girls, yes, but why would you want one of those anyway? Just keep being yourself. Someone will appreciate it. The problem is, the kind of guy who'd be crazy about you might also be likely to be a bit shy, so they might not dare approach you. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. They're just afraid you won't like them. You might have to make the first move. You don't have to flirt, though. Just be straightforward.

I agree with the others; don't try to become a girly girl. The right guy will come along eventually.

Even if you do end up with a boyfriend becuse you act girly, he won't like you for the real you; he'll think you're somebody else.

well said, well said.

Even confident bad boys, I noticed, are afraid of asking out girls they actually care about. They just go out with a lot of girls they don't care about.

I think that, if a guy puts up with your sh*t and isn't obviously in a relationship with someone else, he's probably into you. Same goes for girls, too.

Some of your guy-friends probably think they're stuck in the "friend zone".

I can also agree with this, especially the friend zoning.

Good input here.

Not all guys who are interested will automatically show it. I mean who knows, one guy that has an eye on you may very well even have aspergers.

But to the OP, I can relate especially in the area of flirting. I'm not so sure it is the best way and only option by getting a guy to go out with you. I could be wrong but maybe if some of us females were more direct or upfront with the guys. I think sometimes we assume that men are suppose to do the asking. We seem to assume that a guy will only show interest in a girl if he asks her out, which just isn't true. We also assume that there must something wrong with us if guys aren't asking us out. Not all men are direct or upfront with their feelings either.

yeah, society still has a thing for BS gender roles, such as men always have to approach the woman in question.

as for me, im a man who is more femininely minded, I am shy, and wont really approach women, but it could also do with the fact, im not out desperately looking for a girlfriend. Im the type of guy that will just mind his own business unless something I hear catches my attention. THe best way to describe myself would be the guy you see at the party who is off doing his own thing. He might talk to a few select people he is good friends with, and if someone decides to approach me in a friendly manner to talk or whatever, Ill talk. He may not be the guy that is being a philanderer, he is the one who is just genuinely enjoying things as they are. If a woman does show interest, its a bonus.

Basic health, hygiene and grooming helps for both genders... even most male NTs don't pay enough attention to this.

Also a stereotypical image can help. Guys who like geeky girls will have more interest in one who wears glasses - even if they're fakes that really do nothing.

Imagine that.



Depends on the guy.

There was a survey about that... somewhere... anyway, IIRC:

About 10% of the guys said they'd refuse on principle, something about it not being a woman's "place". A quarter or so said they'd welcome it, since they generally have a hard time working up the courage to ask. The rest (most) said it doesn't matter who asks, so long as someone does, and they'd probably even be impressed enough to go out with women they usually wouldn't.



I read something about women reverse-engineering PUA techniques to learn how to be more "approachable".

IMO most women are desirable, but men generally don't know which ones are available or how/when to ask. I for one tend to fall into the trap of getting to know the woman first, see if 1. she's single and 2. we have anything in common ... often a few weeks later she announces that she found a new boyfriend, to my great disappointment.

What does an approachable woman looks like? Don't ask me, I'm an aspie!

Here's a list of IOIs (indications of interest) on a PUA forum:
http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/ioi ... 12025.html

Be careful not to overdo some of them. Like punching the guy's arm and laughing.

Spazzer, your original post could have been describing me. Right down to the burping contests. Which I would actually used to have with guys in highschool. And win.

Past few years I have started dressing more feminine on occasion (such as in my avatar).. but I digress.

The part that I find ironic is that, despite all their complaining and professing to not understand women, men actually want a feminine girl. I did not understand this when I was younger. I thought that boy would/should like me because I wasn't going to slap them for making sexist jokes or scold them for burping and would love going to monster truck rallies and would never drag them to the opera and on and on. It was not until recent years that I realized my masculinity (or perhaps non-femininity is the right term) actually confused and repelled them. I thought that guys really meant it when they complained about females. Apperently they like the regular female behavior because that is how girls are "supposed" to be and they possibly complain because they are supposed to as well.

Females are the same way. They complain about stereotypical macho males but few of them want to date feminine males.

Of course, this phrase gets thrown around a lot so I don't blame you if you're tired of hearing it: You should just be yourself and eventually someone who likes it will come along.

Spazzergasm :D:D

The thing I could suggest to you right now is that its best to be yourself because then that way, you would most likely to get people who are real to you.... I actually thought that you are more of a feminine person from looking at a few pictures.

As long as you are not offensive and you smell nice, then you are alright but also I would go for the onces that are into your type of interest ... But yea... being approached by guys doesn't always turn out as planned sometimes and could turn out the wrong way.

You could try for a few days, changing to your style to you feel that you found one that you find comfortable and see what comments you would get out of it...

As for the burping contests..... I would suggest keeping that secret...

Hopefully thats helpful enough


superboyian.

Advice: Hang out with geeks. I am dating one and I cannot recommend it enough. They're socially awkward and the guys will definitely notice that you're a girl, and they'll appreciate any interests you have in common. Thanks to my computer-loving boyfriend, I now have an upgraded laptop and a new hard drive, plus he bought me a Nintendo DS for Christmas and got me an R4 card that has almost 60 games on it.

When I was at a Star Wars convention, or even when I go in video game or comic stores, a lot of times guys will hit on me. I don't know if those things interest you but try joining clubs or something where people share your interests. It's a good way to make friends, too. Just normal interactions in school don't seem to do it for a lot of aspies.