Fantasy vs. functional relationships

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I wanted to bring up a kind of tension I have noticed here between two different ways of thinking about relationships. It's sort of along the lines of the kind of spectrum I mentioned in this thread:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt117219.html

People like myself, of which there are definitely others on this board, seek relationships with women mostly for the exciting, crush aspect. We want to know the feeling of touching someone and sensing the passion inside, experience moments that give us anticipation and take our breath away, have sex, and on the non-physical side, just enjoy the novelty of getting to know someone unlike those we have gotten to know before. I get the sense some of us are in a way hyper-romantic, not in the everlasting soul mate sense but in a sense of just needing to get carried away.

If I speak for anyone else, very, very little of our desire to experience relationships has anything to do with wanting to share a significant part of our everyday lives with another person. In fact, our deepest dread is to have to really have another person in our lives full-time. And for those times we want another person for practical support reasons, we look to friends, not to the opposite sex.

Then you have another set of people on here, for whom this kind of everyday sharing is right at the center of why they would ever pursue a relationship to begin with. I think these people are probably less into thrills and chasing dreams and/or more lonely, or both. And it seems like these people do not at all see eye to eye with the first group of people I mentioned, because they see the more dreamy, heart-fluttering aspects as in fact rather unimportant compared to a solid partnership, as opposed to those being really the only thing lacking in an otherwise satisfying single existence.

I think this split explains some of the claims by people on here that others think all their problems will be solved when they get a man or woman into their lives. I think very few expect this to solve all their problems, but they sometimes expect it to fill very different "holes" than someone else who is reading their coments, leading to the impression that the other side expects more.

to be honest, that first definition of a "relationship" doesn't even register as a relationship in my mind... it sounds more like a FWB setup. The second definition is closer to the point though.

The way I've always seen an ideal relationship is that two people share their lives (like you said in your second definition) but to the point where the partners, while still seeing themselves as individuals, cease to see themselves as completely independent from the other.

However, that's just the way I see it now, and maybe that will change with time. The one thing i can definitely tell is that different expectations on the part of both partners can explain why so many relationships fail before they even get off the ground...

Bio - I would stop making posts. You're just making yourself look even worse.

You're making it sound like either people are passionate or asexual with no middle ground.

We feel bad that your hormones are in control of you and that you see women as objects to "explore" but you're choosing to masturbate less than you probably should be masturbating.

The kind of sex you want is exploitative of women. You've said yourself that you just want to have a bunch of casual sex relationships with numerous women and that if you wanted a connection, you could get that with a male.

Is the original poster interested in the pursuit of happiness or the happinees of pursuit? There is an excitement in meeting and being with someone new, but of course the intial excitement wears off and something must fill its place. The replacements are friendship, familiarity, and companionship.

When I first met the lady who was to be my wife, there was a thrill of someone new. Over time, she became my friend too. We have been married for 20 years, she can depend on me to be there for her when she needs me. God knows she's been there for me many times. I like familiarity now. I know her moods and she knows mine, she knows what I like to do and has accepted me for who I am. I don't have to impress her with a faux image of myself. Likewise, I love her for who she is, not some perception of what a woman should be.

I'm really glad I'm not single anymore. I don't know how a shy dork like myself would manage in today's dating world.

When I was young, (I'm 48 now) I wanted to be swept away in every relationship and I was. After the aura wore off and I saw that a lot of these exciting people were "unfit" for a long-term relationship, I dumped them. As I got older and saw people getting married, I felt foolish and wanted a stable relationship, what I called back then a "boring" relationship. But what happened is this: I was wept away again and then realized that this gentleman who is now my husband was most certainly fit for a long-term relationship. By fit, I mean he had an education, a good job, and was moral. Your post is no dfferent than what NT's go through too. Some are "players" and some are monogamous. Because they are social, the "players" get more booty and the monogamous ones get to select from a number of suitors. I had become so lonely by the age of thirty that I actually started to pray for a companion to marry. My prayers were answered. All the erotic experimenting I did when I was young wasn't really necessary like "smoking cigarettes" isn't necessary. My husband told me that if we had met when he was younger, he most likely would have had a brief "physical" relationship with me and then would cast me aside like yesterday's newspapaer. It's down to emotional maturity for both Aspie's and Nt's.

I want both sides. I want to be swept away and have lots of sex. And when the new wears off I hope that I find a man that I still enjoy and we settle into a unbreakable connection that I want for the rest of my life. With the intial passion I felt still in the background and surfacing every now and then to remind me of the initial connection I felt and making my toes curl. I do agree that as I get older (almost 40) I want far different things in a partner then I did when I was 20. Boring, steady, dependable.... sounds wonderful now. Fun, fast and flirty was what I wanted 20 yrs ago. It's hard no matter what side your on.

Well I'm referring to this other threads. He's made it clear that he's frustrated about not having casual sex and thinking women are at fault for not providing it to him.

As far as the OP's point. It's possible to find both 1 and 2 in the same package. I've felt that way about women...celebrities and women I knew in real life. The crush feeling doesn't go away. He's making it sound like romance isn't exciting. Basically what he seems to want is temporary excitement...which is normal, a lot of people do, but don't go knocking people who have found someone that drives them crazy, in a good way.

Women are the victims if the woman is interested in more than sex. The OP doesn't seem to understand that if he wants casual sex, there are places to find it where women are willing participants.