Page 1 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Katatonic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Bowling Green, KY, USA

12 Apr 2011, 11:11 am

For two years now I've been single and not a single soul has been interested in me. Now I have 3 woman trying to be with me. I'm really confused, especially with how fast it all happened. Girl A is my ex who I have absolutely NO interest in being with because she's only really after money not love, Girl B works down the hall from me and seems like she'd be stable enough (she's 34, has her own house, never married, no children) but I'm just not attracted to her, and Girl C is married to a good friend of mine and after realizing her marriage is slowly dying she wants to be with me because in her words "I'm Perfect".

WHAT. THE. HELL?

I shot all 3 of them down one after the other and I just feel like just a complete douche. I'm no prize by any means so by me telling them no they should be jumping up and down in ecstacy because I just saved them a lot of trouble. Truth is, I'm afraid to get back into a relationship because of the things my ex did to me. I wasn't abused or anything but it was just the total destruction of trust. Theres a lot more to it then that but I'll keep this short. Anyways............I think I did the right thing. I don't know. I could possibly see myself with Girl C but that would just be wrong. How could I tell me friend "Yeah, I'm dating your ex-wife that you were with for 12 years"?

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I should start giving girls a chance again? I don't really want to because I feel, for the most part, happy with my life and the abscence of a second party in it. Do you guys think I have a problem with letting go? Should I get back on the horse again even though I'm happy keeping my feet on the ground?

Its just been a really confusing morning so far........


_________________
No.


jedaustin
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 310
Location: Apache Junction, Arizona

12 Apr 2011, 11:20 am

I think you made the right decision based on what you said.
I've done A and I've done C.. both are DEAD ENDS and you're wise to completely avoid them.
A: I had a long list of women that JUST USED ME because I was gullible; you know it so just don't go there!

C: I spent 4 years with a woman that kept insisting that she was getting a divorce but she never did.
If you have any respect for yourself DON'T DO IT; it is a trap you will always regret.

B: Why aren't you attracted to her? If it's superficial BS then you need to think long and hard about it. Even a supermodel will grow older, get heavier, and lose her looks. If it's something she can change and you like her otherwise maybe give her a chance. Perhaps do things with her as a friend; some things are just better NOT ALONE. It will either blossom into more or not.

I spent a lot of my life alone and content. I've been together with the woman I'm married to for 17 years, married almost 11; despite being a loner it is better with her in my life. I don't know if 'B' is your 'ONE' but you're doing well to be able to be rational about it.

JD



Katatonic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Bowling Green, KY, USA

12 Apr 2011, 11:58 am

Girl B is just a superficial thing. I used to get called Shallow Hal at my old job because all of us guys would be standing there and then what appears to be a hot girl comes walking by and they all start drooling and then I'll say something like "She has grandma elbows" or something.

She probably would be a good choice....but then I wonder why has she never been married and has no kids? Something doesn't add up for me with her. I think with her getting close to her mid 30's she's getting desperate and wants to "settle down". And I don't think I could do anything on a friend type basis with her because I've done that in the past and they always end up falling for me even when I try my best for that to NOT happen.

I kind of see woman as cars in a way. Would you buy an old Chevy Astro minivan? Or would you go with the Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione? I know I'm a shallow bastard *shrugs*. However I do remember a time when this one girl was overweight and not exactly the prettiest thing in the world ended up growing on me. Now she lost the weight and has to be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Happens to be one of my best friends. Lucked out on that one.

Image
Image


_________________
No.


wefunction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,486

12 Apr 2011, 12:03 pm

Just lost me on that last comment, Katatonic.



jedaustin
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 310
Location: Apache Junction, Arizona

12 Apr 2011, 12:31 pm

That's funny that they call you shallow hal :)
In the end it is not the outside that matters much; it is the person inside that does.
This:
Image
Becomes this:(there are much less flattering pictures out there)
Image



Suomalainen
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
Location: Finland

12 Apr 2011, 1:14 pm

Katatonic wrote:
I don't know. I could possibly see myself with Girl C but that would just be wrong. How could I tell me friend "Yeah, I'm dating your ex-wife that you were with for 12 years"?

Probably not a good idea. Also why is her marriage slowly dying away? Is she one of those people who think that the right spouse is going to make her happy and that her stomach is going to be full of butterflies all the time? If she is this kind of overemotional butterfly hunter, she would dump you anyway in few to ten years. Infatuation high never lasts forever, it's physiological fact, so you should run away from infatuation addicts.



hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

12 Apr 2011, 1:24 pm

I think you would be better off not forcing yourself to choose between these three women, when you don't feel comfortable with what they have to offer. I think it would be healthier to just enjoy being alone and not allowing people to railroad you into choosing. I was alone for quite some time, and I enjoyed most of it. I worked on myself a lot, too. Building my self esteem, deciding what I wanted to do with my life, etc. When I unexpectedly met a nice guy, I wasn't even looking. I hope you will make a healthy decision.


_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


Logan5
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 398
Location: Sanctuary

12 Apr 2011, 2:06 pm

Katatonic, I also think you did the right thing.

With regards to woman B, dating someone you work with carries additional complications and risks. In general, before pursuing a romantic relationship with a co-worker, you have to ask yourself the following question. Which is more important, your job or your (potential) love life?



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

12 Apr 2011, 2:39 pm

Quote:
I feel like a jerk.


No, you did what a jerk wouldn't do.



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

12 Apr 2011, 2:58 pm

Katatonic wrote:
For two years now I've been single and not a single soul has been interested in me. Now I have 3 woman trying to be with me. I'm really confused, especially with how fast it all happened. Girl A is my ex who I have absolutely NO interest in being with because she's only really after money not love, Girl B works down the hall from me and seems like she'd be stable enough (she's 34, has her own house, never married, no children) but I'm just not attracted to her, and Girl C is married to a good friend of mine and after realizing her marriage is slowly dying she wants to be with me because in her words "I'm Perfect".

WHAT. THE. HELL?

I shot all 3 of them down one after the other and I just feel like just a complete douche. I'm no prize by any means so by me telling them no they should be jumping up and down in ecstacy because I just saved them a lot of trouble. Truth is, I'm afraid to get back into a relationship because of the things my ex did to me. I wasn't abused or anything but it was just the total destruction of trust. Theres a lot more to it then that but I'll keep this short. Anyways............I think I did the right thing. I don't know. I could possibly see myself with Girl C but that would just be wrong. How could I tell me friend "Yeah, I'm dating your ex-wife that you were with for 12 years"?

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I should start giving girls a chance again? I don't really want to because I feel, for the most part, happy with my life and the abscence of a second party in it. Do you guys think I have a problem with letting go? Should I get back on the horse again even though I'm happy keeping my feet on the ground?

Its just been a really confusing morning so far........


How are you a jerk? One just wants your money (so you say),the other you're not attracted to and the third is married to your friend. You aren't a jerk at all. You made the right choice.



Daemonic-Jackal
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 581
Location: Salford, United Kingdom

12 Apr 2011, 4:05 pm

Chronos wrote:
Katatonic wrote:
For two years now I've been single and not a single soul has been interested in me. Now I have 3 woman trying to be with me. I'm really confused, especially with how fast it all happened. Girl A is my ex who I have absolutely NO interest in being with because she's only really after money not love, Girl B works down the hall from me and seems like she'd be stable enough (she's 34, has her own house, never married, no children) but I'm just not attracted to her, and Girl C is married to a good friend of mine and after realizing her marriage is slowly dying she wants to be with me because in her words "I'm Perfect".

WHAT. THE. HELL?

I shot all 3 of them down one after the other and I just feel like just a complete douche. I'm no prize by any means so by me telling them no they should be jumping up and down in ecstacy because I just saved them a lot of trouble. Truth is, I'm afraid to get back into a relationship because of the things my ex did to me. I wasn't abused or anything but it was just the total destruction of trust. Theres a lot more to it then that but I'll keep this short. Anyways............I think I did the right thing. I don't know. I could possibly see myself with Girl C but that would just be wrong. How could I tell me friend "Yeah, I'm dating your ex-wife that you were with for 12 years"?

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I should start giving girls a chance again? I don't really want to because I feel, for the most part, happy with my life and the abscence of a second party in it. Do you guys think I have a problem with letting go? Should I get back on the horse again even though I'm happy keeping my feet on the ground?

Its just been a really confusing morning so far........


How are you a jerk? One just wants your money (so you say),the other you're not attracted to and the third is married to your friend. You aren't a jerk at all. You made the right choice.


100% this.

OP, have nothing to feel guilty about when it's clear that none of these women are right for you.


_________________
"Every cripple has his own way of walking. " ? Brendan Behan

http://www.facebook.com/YentonianCarlos


hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

12 Apr 2011, 4:48 pm

Also, a real jerk would have gotten involved with one or all of these women, with no "honorable intentions."


_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


Katatonic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 673
Location: Bowling Green, KY, USA

12 Apr 2011, 5:10 pm

wefunction wrote:
Just lost me on that last comment, Katatonic.


Is it about the car thing? I relate most everything to cars......not sure why.

As far as how I consider myself a jerk goes, I hurt all of their feelings. I don't particularly care about hurting my ex's feelings though. But the other two I do. I don't like hurting people. In a way its almost like I think I should date them just so they don't feel bad, even though the whole time I would be the one feeling bad. I won't do that, but thats how I feel anyway.


_________________
No.


jedaustin
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 310
Location: Apache Junction, Arizona

12 Apr 2011, 5:19 pm

Katatonic wrote:
As far as how I consider myself a jerk goes, I hurt all of their feelings. I don't particularly care about hurting my ex's feelings though. But the other two I do. I don't like hurting people. In a way its almost like I think I should date them just so they don't feel bad, even though the whole time I would be the one feeling bad. I won't do that, but thats how I feel anyway.

I had to struggle with this kind of thing. In the end for me honesty trumps feel good things like that. Instead I'm just 100% open about it with them. "I care about you and don't want to hurt you but I don't feel the same way about you. I'm flattered that you feel like that about me."
Sadly in a few cases it was a case of bad timing where they were into me and I wasn't into them and later the other way around. It started that way with my now wife except I refused to give up. In her defense I did tell her on the day I met her that I would marry her someday.. that would creep most women out.. but I just knew. We've been together for 17 years now and married almost 11 :)
When you meet the right one you will know it without any doubt whatsoever; hang in there!



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,083
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

12 Apr 2011, 5:44 pm

Image

but your avatar looks like a cool jerk :lol:



jedaustin
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 25 Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 310
Location: Apache Junction, Arizona

12 Apr 2011, 5:46 pm

Face of Bo is from Dr Who / Torch wood.
Way off topic but does anyone know when the new season of Dr Who starts?