I Don't Understand This Older Guy Thing

Post Reply New Topic

I was in the women's forum...but I thought i'd bring this subject here since it seems no one wants me there, and this is the love and dating section anyways.
Ok, girls are saying that they like older men because they are more mature ..(ok thats true for the most part) have their financial lives together (ok), more considerate (based on what?), and they make them feel more protective (its all in your head).

But they think all the aspie guys want is sex, and not to mention, someone said that when older women want younger men its all about sex. They dont think that a younger man and an older woman can have anything in common or to talk about or do besides sex. Have they ever thought that older men just want sex too?
And not to mention, do they ever think what they can have in common with an older man?

I personally like older women because from my experiences they are more mature and also more accepting/ I have met some pretty dumb and immature older women though that make me wanna vomit from their personalities.

From my experiences younger girls tend to be more flaky and less straight forward than older women. Older women don't beat around the bush either..from my experiences. Older women also have their lives together, this is not necessarily attractive, but it's a relief knowing that they are using me for money or looking for a man to take care of them. Older women are more confident, this is important, not because she is able to start a conversation or initiate, or walk with her shoulders up and all that nonsense...but because she's confident enuff to not worry about what people think and take time to understand someone. Most young people I've met are egotistic and selfish, yes that includes young girls.

i have a counselor who is an older woman and she is single...I like her, she's a little overweight and she knows and it, but because she understands me and when I have a meltdown she's there to calm me down and talk to me.
She told me "When girls get older they start dating guys for their personality and how they treat the, and less about how popular they are, or how much money they can spend on them or how many cars they have"
she also said "The aspie girls have it easier in dating only because the fact that girls in general have dating easier. I can go out tomorrow and get a guy to marry me, but would that be the one I want"
She put it straight and clear.
She herself has trouble getting guys because she says she never leaves the house,but I bet if she put herself out there, not even having great social skills, she could get a guy to come talk to her...heck she had a bf for 7 years b4 she met me.
So these statements are coming from a woman. It's clear that aspie girls have it easier...but lets not dwell on that. Its the fact that aspie girls on this site tend to put the men down for being upset about their situation, due to the fact that they are men who are somewhat different.
My counselor also said that girls dont need as much personality as men do to score a date. She said that "men's standards tend to be lower than womens, thats why men have it hard. it sucks"

This is the point that i've been trying to get across. Maybe the older men are more mellow because older people are mellow. But aspie men are mellow as well, and usually act more mature than most young men.

In psychology class the girls were talking about "Ms. James, where are all the mature guys"....my friend did a sarcastic laugh.
He said "The mature guy is the one who sits in the corner quiet and doesnt say anything, or doesnt act out and make himself scene....but then again no one wants that guy either."
So, older guy is the word the girls in class should have said, because an older guy can be as silly as he wants, but if he;s older with some money, girls will like him because he's older, not because he;s mature, although i do agree that older people are more mature.

So, just think, maybe some of those "mature" guys just want you for sex. How do you know?
Maybe the cougars want us for sex, maybe they want us because of our personalities, or because they just like us.

I like older women because they are more understanding and accepting of me. My cougar on facebook told me "the girls in your class are too young to understand your asperger's sweetie. you are not weird at all, they are just young"

So my conclusion is. Young people for the most part are immature, and as we age we become more mature...it makes sense. But there are young mature people, and old immature people. And someone's financial status is really not a reason to be with them, but that's my opinion, who am I to judge

I can understand the older guy debate, in the sense that they can often be more mature.

As for the "female Aspies have it easier", I don't really buy that. If they are just going to date the first guy who shows them any sort of attention, then maybe it's true. But Aspies, both male and female, are at a greater risk of being taken advantage of than their non-Aspie counterparts.

The reason why many of the male Aspies on here don't have dates is because rather than doing what is necessary to land a date, they blame the "global feminist conspiracy" for their chronic singledom.

Yeah, Older men just want sex too.

In many cases they're worse for wanting sex than younger men. Usually if an older man wants a younger woman its just for sex (as in larger than an 8 year age gap).

Its not really a maturity thing for me.

I don't like younger men because, well, i'm just not attracted to boys. I like men in their 30s.

The generalizations going on in here are horrid. But I'm probably considered to be in hale_bopp's group of "older men", and she's right. Men never mature...

My boyfriend is younger than me, he is 26 and Im 30, but in the past Ive dated people the same age as me and people older than me. I did not notice any difference between the people in terms or attitude or maturity, they were different people but I would not say their age made a difference. I think age is just a number and nothing more.

I agree about age just being a number, and as long as the prospective partner is legal, I don't factor it in when choosing a partner.

I'm always surprised to see it when someone (or nearly everyone it would seem) mention they want people older. And it seems about as common for both genders.

This comes from the fact that I would prefer someone my own age and maturity, whether that's more immature or mature I am not one to make that decision, it would be egotistical.

But it does make me curious why the majority of humans assume that someone older is more mature (this is rational, understood) and is on their level. The illogical part of this is that everyone assumes they are more mature than the average of their age group, yet if everyone was then it would stand to reason that you should be looking for someone with the same maturity, and on average that should be within your age group.

I think that thread in the women's section originated from a thread made by a guy here who talked about how older women were more mature than younger women. I never really understood why the OP was upset about it but she made a thread attributed to the one supposedly made for guys.

I agree that I found the generalizations being made about men and maturity in that thread quite ridiculous.

While some women may be attracted to older guys, there are some women who believe in these myths about the aging correlating with maturity. I for one have known that age is irrelevant. Some guys no matter how old never grow up and I've known a number of young guys who came off way more mature than your typical "mature" guy.

I think maturity has much to do with experience and personality rather than age but that's just my opinion. Personally I seem to find guys from their 20 to 40s attractive so I really never understood this preference for older guys per se.

My ex husband was 10 years older than me, we were together since I was about 23. Mr. Rath is 7 years older than me. I don't purposefully seek out older men, but I guess I have that pattern.

The male of the species develops more slowly than the female. I think this evens out somewhere in the 20s. If you have children, you see this immediately (particularly one of each gender).

The sex is for me a very important component. People will not live without food, or water, and yet they will go without sex in a relationship, and sex is arguably just as critical to our well-being as humans.

I've never been in a position where I engaged myself with a younger guy on a purely sexual basis. I can see the appeal of a guy who is young enough to have sex all day. The problem is: We have to get out of bed at some point. And then, what do I talk with this guy about? How would I relate to him? I need someone who suffered through 1976 so we can shake our heads about it.

It helps that older guys are often more stable, established, financially independent. But it is also confidence. I find them to be more calm, centered, and more in tune with what *they* want in a partner. Confident - reliable. I'm not saying a young person can't have this, but it's more rare.

Also - - on the sex piece? I'm just keeping it real. An older guy might not be "up" for 4 rounds, but the round you do have with him is much more rewarding for the female. They have more patience, they are interested in the partner's experience, and they have a strong working knowledge of female anatomy by that point which was sadly missing for the guys I dated at 19 or 20 if I recall. That's been my experience.

Maturity comes from the ability to incorporate one's life experience into one's perspective. It is not a skill that all people have, which is why there can be older people (40s, 50s.....) who behave with a lack of maturity.

We've all known that person who keeps making the same mistakes over and over, right? They keep dating the wrong person, screw up one good job after the next, burn through friendships, go back to the same bad habits, etc. Why? It's the inability to incorporate life experience, e.g., failed earlier attempts at the same thing, into their perspective, e.g., I should stop doing that - it never works out the way I want it to.

Younger people can seem "wise beyond their years," if they happen to be good at this skill early in life. It's important to remember though, that a young person only has so much life experience to draw on. So while a "mature" 22-year-old may date a 35-year-old, the 22-year-old is not going to have nearly as much life experience to draw on in any situation, from sex to conversation to choosing a direction in life.

Older people may be more attractive as partners because typically men and women in their 30s and 40s have had their share of NSA relationships in their teens and 20s...they realize they need more from a relationship than sex and fun, like someone to raise kids with, someone to hold your hand while your mom is dying, someone who will support you. You'll typically see less shallow behaviors in older partners....they don't need to be with the coolest partner, show off the prettiest girl, roll up in their man's most expensive car. They want someone with character - and they're more likely to mean that when they say it.

Today me and my counselor were talking about the whole mature things. and i told he how my friend said that there are mature guys in HS and young guys who are mature...but no one wants that guy. And my counselor said "yes exactly".
Why do so many young girls also date as*holes? because as*holes are immature just like they are.
There are freshman and younger girls at school who like me, but first of all im 18...and when i do try to talk to them, they play mind games.

Now idk anything about girls in their 20s, so im not gonna go there. but from my experiences so many girls at school always talk about mature guys...but there are mature guys there, but they just ignore them.
I cant have a decent conversation with any girls my age. I admit that my conversational skills arent the best, but when I talk to older girls I can talk about anything such as (why people treat people certain ways, feelings, life, politics if that comes up) but most younger girls ive met are basically airheads who think about nothing but shopping and drama.
I cant relate to most girls my age.
On my trip to spain, I didnt even talk to the girls from my group because they were too fast and on to the next subject to quick...but I made friends with some of the other teachers from the groups, and they are more mellow, and slow. I remember everytime we got on the bus to go somehwhere...i would chose to sit down by one of the teachers because they took time to understand me more.
On the plane back to the US, a girl from my class told another girl "he's weird".
But none of the teachers ever said that. I believe thats because they are more tolerant and mature than these young girls. I believe i am more mature than most young girls.
So this whole thing about girls being more mature than guys is bs...it depends on the person.

why do girls get to generalize on this forum, but if a guy halfway generalizes he gets kicked off or warned?

I dont like Hitler, but people you hate can be right at times
He said "how fortunate for leaders that men do not think"
and it's true, men do not think. that's why we make generalizations, and we go along with what society says, and how a man is suppose to ask a woman out, or how people say older men are better at sex, and so forth.
it's ridiculous

Not to mention...i have also met young mature girls who made an effort to understand me, and if not that, they were just mature and cool. So it just depends on the person.
Not all this stupid age stuff.

I was watching the temple grandin movie and the kid, including the girls were so immature and called her freak and pervert. Ti me temple was the most mature person in that movie, besides the fact that she lacked social skills, but who cares..she seemed to be a nice person. Aspie people in general seem to be more mature that the people their age. their social skills are just slower. Lack of social skills has little to do with maturity and openmindedness. But no one thinks about that. No one uses their damn brain to think. just think