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My subconscious, in a dream, informed my conscious self that I was in love with a girl. How I did not know it before I can never know. It happened all in a dream. When I saw her in that dream my heart was broken. Hers was as well. The details are too numerous but in my dream she was getting married and I was invited to attend. She did not really want to marry this man though and I knew I would be the only one to bring her out of it. But fate was sealed and she went through with it. I woke up at a loss for words and strength. I knew then in my heart the girl who left town so many months ago was the one I have loved all along. I only knew her for what seemed like a brief time, close to a year. I was slandered by one of her admirers who spread false and malicious attacks against me, drawing her away from me. It was said that I, in the night at 3 AM, snuck into her bedroom, doing God only knows what. But I never had been into her bedroom and never was. This attack against me persisted and I do not know why. I had wanted to explain the whole situation to her prior to her leaving and tell my side of the story about what really happened but I did not have a chance to bring it up.

It is entirely possible she has left with the impression that I am no more than a cheap stalker who snuck into her bedroom whilst she was asleep.

She lives 700 miles away now and we only talk very occasionally. I have no way of salvaging this do I?

Another chapter of my life, I suppose, fretting on my stupidity and letting someone I truly loved fall between my fingers.

Most women do not impress me in the least. In the state which I am in now, there is no woman that I want to be with. I can only reflect on the memories of women past who touched me, who upon finishing college or unforeseen life circumstances moved far away.

I am heterosexual. But women have hurt me so badly, and I find many of them so incredibly repulsive, that I want nothing to do with them.

My life has taken me to some of the darkest most pitiful places in all of mankind and human history. I thought after a life wrought with tragedy, it would be a very massive and dark cloud with an ever so slender silver lining, a fairy tale ending. I have not found that but only more personal tragedy combined with additional tragedies.

I do not even have one female friend. I am a typical guy, likes hanging out with dudes. Sitting by the fire, getting drunk, fishing, barbecue. There is not one woman at school, at anywhere, that I see as anything more than eye candy. They are fun to look at, but terrible as friends. I have found much greater company with animals who I communicate with. But I love animals so much that I cannot stand to get one, for fear of his or her death. Losing a pet, that I loved more than anything, and a pet that loved me more than even my own family, would break my heart to no end. So even pets I cannot own.

What have I become? Tell me WP, what have I become? That I am a man of 21 years with absolutely no desire for women. I can't even began to tell you the last time I even spoke with one. I am thinking with all of my mental powers and I do not know I have even had a conversation with one all of this year and most of the end of last year as well. But then again I rarely speak to anybody. There is no one who I want to see but one friend who does not talk on the phone much. I have no desire to be around people.

The extent of my taking part in everyday society is eating in restaurants, where I cannot talk to others, but merely look at them and observe them anthropologically.

Society, in less than a score of years and only 15 of that in school, has managed to completely break me. They say "these are the best years of your life" referring to college.

If this is the case, I would like to check out now.

All is fair in love and war. If she didn't want to hear your side and/or you didn't make a real attempt to convey the truth, it doesn't matter.



At this point, no. Let it go.



You are young. You haven't seen the dark side of mankind nor do you understand history.



So hang around the guys, and get a pet. Learning to mourn the passing of one you love is part of growing up and to fear growing up is to be stuck in childhood. As you grow and age, your appreciation for women will return.



21... so young. Focus on yourself and grow yourself into the person you'd like to be sans people. At some point, your opinion (like now) will change.



If that's true, then enjoy. There will be no solace there, only the ending of pain. No chance at redemption and no way to understand the reason behind it all.

You really know how to beat a guy up when he's down. I find your Ageism very offensive. But there are no worries. I am racist and chauvinist and you believe you are superior in age and wisdom. Probably a woman as well. It's a pity you do not know what lies deep within mens' hearts. There is much evil in this world I do not believe you have personally witnessed. Blah blah the mom's dead the dad's dead who gives a s**t. That's about all your old ass has on me is your parents are dead and can feign that you have some extraordinary wisdom for it.

I thought Merle's advice was good and a lot less harsh than some replies you could expect.

Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Why did you entitle this post "needs advice" if you didn't want advice? Personally, I thought Merle was spot on. Though I appreciated the bit about "not knowing what's in the hearts of men," Best laugh I had all day, seriously.

Okay, advice. Just my opinion, you don't have to take it.

You sound a little bit overdramatic to me. I realize it is likely part of your base personality so asking you to change that is unrealistic. However, I would recommend watching several comedic things to help mellow out and stop taking things so seriously for a little bit at least.

I don't think you can salvage this relationship with her. If you are patient, you probably will be able to find another girl that will have the traits you desire. People are dumb sh*ts that overpopulate and just keep having too many babies, so although it is a cliché, it is true when they say "there are plenty more fish in the sea." Obsessing over one girl usually only works in stupid movies. Try to make some not so serious female friends and then progress from there.

Well, I am a guy and know what it was like at 21. When I wanted to sulk, I did it in private. When I wanted someone's advice, I asked.

But I didn't always like the answers. I may have had a problem with the tone, the message or the person. However, given time I realized that advice is freely given and it's entirely up to the listener to take and learn from it. Some good, some bad. Your experience helps determine which is which.

When I hit my 30's, I realized a lot of what I knew was good, but there was a lot more I didn't know. A little reflection showed that the majority of what I learned and what helped me grow happened in the most recent years. The rate of growth simply builds upon that which you learned previously and there does not seem to be any slowing down - it was simply slow to start.

Then I thought about the older folks I knew and wondered if they were the same. So I would talk to them, see what kind of experiences they went through and how they would respond. Sometimes I didn't understand and would dislike the tone, message or person. But in time, I realized it was an opinion based out of their own experiences and judgement - and to take from it what I wanted but to try and not forget it. It may be useful.

18-21 will mostly become a blur with a few poignant portions.

My family is old and large, and now I actually choose to listen to the stories they tell. My father was an officer in Korea and Vietnam. An uncle was a police officer. Another one served under the Shah of Iran. An entire side escaped Vietnam after the fall of Saigon. Pain and death is all something we are familar with: some intential, some accidental and never a single instance. I refuse to comment on what I went through (even to my family) and definately not on the internet.

A lot of things keep us men up at night and it's very difficult to understand how someone at 21 can claim to know or even to have experienced the evil that men can do. I feel like I know where you're coming from - but realize its simply not as dark as you can imagine. Not to sound condescending, but in your portion of the world and in your limited experience - YES it can be (or is) bad. However, the world is far darker and worse than most people with an internet connection can imagine.

I think DirkWillems is very sad because he doubts he can find someone like her. It's the desperation of not being able to ever find anyone suited to him. Also you can have emotional confidence in a nice girl but that is not always possible with guys. But actually it's better for Aspie guys than girls. It seems that many aspie women get abusive partners who can't find someone else to use. Aspie guys may go for the motherly sort of woman. I don't see many motherly sort of guys and those are probably effeminate.

I think DirkWillems is investing waaaaayyy too much in a f***king dream.

In my experience, life may take you many places, but in most cases, if you are brutally honest with yourself, you'll find - you brought your darkness with you.

You've gotten a lot of good advice. I'll just put in an educated guess.

If you weren't conscious of any love for her

1)until she was 700 miles away

2)until you had a dream she was getting married


then you didn't and don't love her. This is all just a safe fantasy- safe because it's based on a dream rather than on actual events and safe because her distance makes it safely unlikely she'll actually call you out on this supposed love because she's not around you any more. Just a fantasy.

Agreed, I don't really get why some people invest their thoughts into their dreams, my dreams are just random nonsense some of which is nightmarish, trying to divine some great secret from your dreams seems silly and superstitious to me.

I really don't know what to say to any of you here. I have come to despise women and generally will not speak to them at all. There are none which are of any use to me and if a person can not serve a purpose, then they are of no value to me at all. I do not know if there are any women that I would even consider being a friend to, perhaps no men at all either, other than one who enjoys going to the bar and drinking to intoxication.

My life is centered on my next drink now, not my next woman, not my next fun time out with any friends at all. Society has shown to me the unprecedented evil that only the human being has brought to this Earth and my friends now are all found in nature.

I'm doubt things are easier for Aspie guys when I look at my own problems with connecting with women and I read about the disappointments in women of so many other Aspie guys on this forum.



I've actually been accused or misogyny on this very forum for expressing similar views in a pretty heated debate that got locked less than an hour ago. Many educated men seem to feel the same level of disappointment in women. Nevertheless, I'd say you shouldn't give up on women altogether. I'm sure they're not all shallow stuck up b*****s although it may sometimes seem that way (and though most of the women on this forum seem to think that's what I believe).



Maybe you should go meet people at other places then. Even though I feel a great amount of loathing for society in general, I still managed to have several friends I strongly connect with and I have deep respect for. These prove to me that at least some people are worth spending time with. I'm sure with a bit of effort you'll eventually get there as well. Just don't give up!

You know, the way to get ahead in life is to run from brick wall into brick wall until you eventually overcome the problems you're facing. Most of us have learnt this from experience. I'm going through one of the most difficult periods in my life myself, but I still try to make the best of it and try to get back on my feet in spite of all the s**t I've been through. Giving up on life is really the easy way out and you might be missing out on some great new experiences if that's what you decide to do.



Give it some time. Try to enjoy life on your own as much as possible and keep an eye out for those few people who aren't total as*holes. The older you get, the easier it becomes to find them. Retreating from society altogether is not going to make you any happier. It's just going to turn you into an bitter old man and that would be a pity since you seem a well-meaning idealistic young man and you deserve a lot better.

This absolutely blows me away. Reread the top two paragraphs quoted here and tell me you honestly think the two of you number among "those few people who aren't total as*holes."

Dirk: You dismiss women en masse because they are "of no use to you" and then you talk about how sh****y other people are. Maybe women have disappointed you because, I don't know...they sense that you're only looking for someone to be of use to you. Your bitterness and your loneliness are your own fault. Grow up.

Salonfilosoof: Women all seem like shallow, stuck-up b*****s? Shallow? Really. Go take a read of the thread "AS men, your views on women" and see what keeps coming up over and over and over again. Lemme know when you get to the guy who wants a girl "with boobs, preferably massive ones." I wonder if maybe women seem like b*****s because they get angry when you say things like this.

When you say things like "I'm sure they're not all shallow stuck-up b*****s," you ARE being a misogynist, because you're backhandedly stating that MOST women are. And as long as you keep that twisted world view, you are going to be a lonely, lonely man, because any woman you find who actually meets your standards of "not a shallow stuck-up b***h" you're going to alienate when she sees how you feel about women in general. Would you want to be with someone who said "Oh, in general Aspies are (insert derrogatory nonsense here), but YOU'RE okay"?

Of course, I'm not sure why I'm even trying to argue with someone who can read the hate-filled, maudlin tirade that started this thread and then say "you seem like a well-meaning, idealistic young man." Actually, he seems like a sulky toddler who needs his nappy changed.

OP: I wouldn't put so much stock in the faces of a dream. When I dream, I'll stick random faces from wherever in my memory on the heads of people in my dreams, regardless of relevance. What is far more important is the personal factors that are represented by the characters. If I were to interpret this dream of yours, I'd say that the face of someone from your past was just stuck on there, and that the real message of the dream is that you're losing the chance to love at all.

The way I see it: in a dream, each "character" represents a part of you, your personality, your attributes, desires, etc etc.

The woman in your dream represents your innate desire to find a mate. Most humans have this need, whether they admit it or not. Unless you can believe that you are completely asexual and have zero desire to ever feel close to someone, you have this desire as well. Even though you've been hurt, you desire to be with a special someone. Someone who won't hurt you. Someone who will love you. The fact that the woman in your dream actually loves you is evidence of that.

The man in the dream is what you've become: a self-absorbed jerk. He's stealing the woman away from you, driving her away from you, just as you drive the women around you away with your narcissism, that air of "I'm better than everyone else here"...

However, that is not what you have to be. In your dream, you take the role of the man who's life is being wasted away by the narcissist character. Your subconscious is showing you what you're doing to yourself, and what you need to do to fix it. You need to challenge that self-absorbed character within yourself, because you're never going to find a woman in the kind of state you're in right now...