"Bipolar" Mood Swings a worry..

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Hushahush
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14 Feb 2010, 12:40 am

I'm in a long distance relationship at present with a woman I've been involved with for over a year. We have spent time together twice for a period of 1 month each in each other's countries. We got engaged in January and this is the greatest relationship I have ever had.. We're getting married on our 2 year anniversary in her hometown in the Philippines and she's coming to live with me so we can start our lives together, once the VISA is successful.

She's the most supportive and understanding person I've ever met, and if there's ever a time where she doesn't understand my behaviour, she wants to know about my past and how it may have affected me to act in a certain way. The thing that bothers me is there are the rare times where I do make her feel confused or weird. When I've had a bad mood swing, I'll feel like if I share my problems it's just 'WHINGING' and if I share them then it will be a real turn off to her. She said that made her feel weird when I said that, but nevertheless she supported me and tried to understand the emotions behind it.

When I am in those major mood swings, where the confidence is rock bottom, negative thoughts flood around your head, and you feel anxious.. I don't feel like sharing with her cause I'm scared of it becoming a burden - and I have this expectation in me to be consistently confident and happy around her, I just want to give her what she deserves..
And when I'm in that mood I think "she certainly doesn't deserve that.. keep it locked up"


Sense does prevail and I do share with her, I just want to know do you men and women think there's a medium of keeping it inside as not to rock the boat too much?
Can anyone relate to having mood swings and wanting to hide them from their loved ones?
Any advice and wisdom appreciated.. :)



monsterland
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14 Feb 2010, 5:28 am

Long distance is an evil that muddies the waters and creates negative illusions. Hang on until this relationship is no longer long-distance. THEN figure things out, because they will finally appear as they actually are.



book_noodles
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14 Feb 2010, 12:29 pm

I can recognize the importance of communicating that I have sunk into a little ditch of misery from which only time can rescue me. It is difficult to explain to my boyfriend that it is not his fault and it is nearly impossible to reverse... He is very emotionally perceptive (unlike myself) yet he cannot fathom why I'm so anxious and unhappy at times.
It is just plain hard. I'm lucky that he took the time to get to know me; otherwise he would have probably dismissed me as just angsty and high-strung.
I try to stop it when I feel one of those types of moods arriving but I cannot conceal it (It makes me so tired!)



HopeGrows
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14 Feb 2010, 10:11 pm

OP, if you love this woman and believe that she is as supportive and understanding as you say, you owe her the truth. The alternative is that you continue to lie to her about your mood swings, marry her, and try to maintain the "act" you've been putting on - for the rest of your life. How much stress do you think that will cause you? Don't you think these mood swings might become more frequent because of increased stress? Don't you think she might resent you for entering into marriage with her under false pretenses - that being you're not who you're representing yourself to be? If I were her, I'd resent you for it - particularly because she's bending over backwards to accommodate and understand you. And what about intimacy? How can you have emotional intimacy without trust? (Cause you can't have trust as long as you're living a lie.)

This isn't a trivial issue. If you're going to share the rest of your life with her, then you both need to learn a healthy way to cope with your mood swings. But trust me when I tell you that you are playing with fire. Respect her enough to be honest with her. I'm sure she'll be relieved that you've chosen to confide in her, and tackling this issue together will make you closer. Give her the chance to be an equal partner in her own marriage.


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