Gender issues

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How common are gender issues with AS?

I am male, but absolutely hate it. It's even worse as a male with AS, since not only am I seen someone who has to prove myself to the world, but someone who is very much a threat to the existence of others. I don't have the charm or social grace that many women enjoy everyday, and I can never have the very close female-to-female friendships that are very common. I also don't feel "at home" in a male body, as if somehow someone made a mistake. Yet I'm into many things considered "typically male" -- like computers and technology, progressive music, and video games. Plus I feel that female bodies, brains, and sexualities are healthier and stronger than male ones.

What gives? How does one best cope with something like this?

Well, feel free to experiment, but don't jump to conclusions.
If you haven't yet, then check out some L/G/B/T sites, because I'm sure there's folks like you who aren't quite sure what to think. Those sites are made for situations like yours, even if you decide you're hetero. I imagine that the spread of hetero vs not is the same within the AS community as it is elsewhere, so I doubt you're too much of an oddity, either way!

And now I'll butt out, hehe. Good luck!

I'm a girl, but I have a lot of male qualities. I think gender roles are kind of silly anyway.
You may not feel any better in a female body, it might just be a case of "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence". Being a female aspie can be harder because we expect women to be more conventional. So ask yourself, you you uncomfortable because you are a male, or because as an aspie you are uncomfortable with your body overall?
Feel free to msg me.

Hi Carthamuslocus,

Gender issues seem to be common for people on the spectrum, so you're not alone. Because males with AS tend to be introverted and not as physical as other boys, this can create gender issues. Unfortunately most cultures tend to divide all aspects of human existence into the male/female, masculine/feminine categories ... but when you think about it, apart from our reproductive capacities, there is nothing that is exclusive to one gender or the other. Contrary to popular belief, biologically speaking, men and women are much more similar than they are different. We're not really "opposites". This notion of opposites is a culturally constructed fiction.

If someone has a high concentration of traits that society has labeled as feminine, or does not have all the traits of a typical male, it is natural for that person to feel like the other gender or that they would have been better off born as the other gender. One way to look at it is - there is a problem with the narrow way in which our culture defines how men should be and how women should be. These "social categories of gender" don't match with our personal realities.

I agree with Heliobacter20, I think gender roles are kinda silly. One of my catch-phrases is: Gender is inane, not innate!

To quote Patti Smith, “As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag.”

I agree with AutismMerch. Genders roles are entirely a social-evolutionary construction that would have little or no relevance in modern life if not for sheeple. Pack and hive creatures have gender roles, but the don't have the same individuality or self-awareness as humans. People that try to break down gender barriars now are green monkeys, so to speak. Thankfully, some people are becoming accepting of this.

Still, I remember something about a political official (mayor) in CA speaking to elementary students while dressed something like a hooker. Obviously, 'he' went too far and sent a bad message about the whole thing. There's a difference between wearing a nice dress and wearing a miniskirt.

Gender roles...I don't play 'em. I don't try to assert myself as masculine nor feminine. I just ignore the whole thing and act according to what feels right to me.