Have I discovered the key to emotional independence?

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I used to be like a lot of the guys on here. I wanted a girlfriend to "understand" me...for me to tell her my life story...how I was serverely bullied, how women didn't want anything to do with me, etc. With my last girlfriend, when I told her these things, I became really drawn to her, and when she didn't reciprocate (she was just dating me because I was a cute guy to her and to have fun) I felt almost like a family member had abandoned me despite having only known her for a few months.

Now, I don't want or expect or care for a woman to be interested in my past or my problems. I just want a woman for the hand-holding in public, watching TV together, going out to eat, having sex, that kind of stuff. I don't care if she knows or doesn't know that I'm mildly autistic and what I've been through in the past. It's almost like, the only people that have been there from day 1 are my parents and my brother, and they're the only people I expect to really really care and understand what I've been through. With a woman, I'm not looking for comfort, I'm looking for a female companion to have a fun time with (in and out of bed.)

The main thing is getting rid of co-dependent tendencies, because they're self-destructive. What you desire out of a relationship afterwards is up to the individual.

I'm not sure I totally understanding what you're describing as 'the key'. Can you refine that a bit? It seems that your definition/description lies in a comparison between living according to that, and living without that, but I don't want to misunderstand here.

Coming from a female perspective, I can understand how you feel.
I think a significant other should be like a best friend to the person - I hate the game playing alot of people do (Whats the right thing to eat on a date? What should I wear? All that) I think it should all come down to being able to be yourself, and having someone who will love you no matter how eccentric you are.

Nobody is 100% emotionally independent. It's very important to have a support system.

I've known my wife for going on 14 years, and I have never told her the depths of the misery my life used to be. She knows some of it, certainly, but I haven't told her the really ugly parts. I don't want her to pity me. I'm supposed to have got over that by now. Even though it's all still there in my memory, I can't think about it all the time, or I'll become a basket case.

I tell you this so you might consider it, too, when you find yourself in a relationship. If your past has been really horrifying, that can be unbelievably scary to someone who has never lived through any trauma, and it could scare them away. I know you think it'd be nice for a woman to hold you and say "poor baby, I'm here to fix all that now," but that's very unlikely to happen, especially with someone without a great deal of life experience. So maybe you could think of an abridged version of your story to tell someone, after you've been in a relationship with her for quite a long time. You don't have to hide your story, but it might not be such a great idea to blurt it all out to someone who doesn't know you very well. Most people aren't prepared to hear a story like that, and would have little idea how to deal with it.

Food for thought. Hope you don't mind.

She dosen't need to know your whole life story, but that's different from understanding. If you want a proper relationship with someone, it's vital that they understand you. By understand you, I don't mean know your whole life story - in my mind, those two things aren't even connected. But if you understand each other; understand why you two do what you do, why you think the way you do, why you act the way you to, and if you know each other's pros and cons and still like each other, you can have a good relationship. But you can't just do all that with a conversation, it just happens over time and you get a connection.

TBH, I don't understand people who say they just want someone for sex and whatever. What the hell is the point? Don't get me wrong, I'm not asexual or anything, I'm a teenager full of hormones, but I still don't see the point of being with someone for that single reason, it makes no sense whatsoever to me. That said, few things and few people make sense to me anyway.