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Low Self Esteem

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rmgh
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17 Dec 2009, 4:22 pm

Has anyone been in love with someone who's in love with you too, but it never works because of your extremely low self esteem and self loath? Or anything similar?



billsmithglendale
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17 Dec 2009, 4:48 pm

rmgh wrote:
Has anyone been in love with someone who's in love with you too, but it never works because of your extremely low self esteem and self loath? Or anything similar?


Yeah, I've flubbed a few would-be relationships because of that.

Sometimes it's not such a bad thing -- it might not be low self esteem so much as your brain telling you that it just isn't going to work. I've had very popular girls in high school (or after) be interested in me, but I knew that I could never fit in with their friends and lifestyle, and that at the end of the day it would be a gross mismatch.

Women sometimes get caught up in the romance of an idea, but once the reality hits that it isn't going to work, you're the one left in the lurch, worse for the wear.

However, that being said, if you are a very physically-oriented, and just want to "score" with someone who you normally wouldn't have a chance with, go with it, and if you take some lumps, well, that's the cost of doing business. ;)



MKWing26
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17 Dec 2009, 10:20 pm

rmgh wrote:
Has anyone been in love with someone who's in love with you too, but it never works because of your extremely low self esteem and self loath? Or anything similar?


yes, this would be my main problem as well. Most of it is not having the confidence to simply walk up to a woman and talk to her. even if its just on a friendly basis. On the rare occasion I actually get past this stage, I'll get into my head some tiny fault and just focus on it until it becomes a huge flaw.



digitalb0y
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18 Dec 2009, 8:29 am

yea been there done that! Just recently too. I met this awesome girl late this summer and we hit it off right away which doesn't happen with me that often due to my shyness. She is just so amazing, Cute, great morals, she even had many apspie quarks just like me so that was quite comforting. When we really got talking we found out we went though alot of the same stuff in the past. She even started to heavily indulge in one of my biggest obsessions Mountain biking, even recently bought a really high-end bike just like mine Although we both have low self-esteems, at the moments when we try to be more than friends everytime like clockworkm she or I screwed it up (IMHO, me mostly all the time) and then it gets weird and we both get pissed off!!, after atleast three tries we decided (or should I say she, but I cowardly accepted) to be the dreaded "friends". IMHO I would go through the worst part of the screw ups 100 more times if I had a chance of getting it RIGHT with her! Although just about anybody else I would not give that chance. Although she's that special. Thats my 2¢



rmgh
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18 Dec 2009, 1:44 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
I've had very popular girls in high school (or after) be interested in me, but I knew that I could never fit in with their friends and lifestyle, and that at the end of the day it would be a gross mismatch.

Women sometimes get caught up in the romance of an idea, but once the reality hits that it isn't going to work, you're the one left in the lurch, worse for the wear.

Sounds familiar. That's very interesting. I think I might make sure and stay out of it after that advice, thanks.
billsmithglendale wrote:
However, that being said, if you are a very physically-oriented, and just want to "score" with someone who you normally wouldn't have a chance with, go with it, and if you take some lumps, well, that's the cost of doing business. ;)

Hahaha! I feel that for me, that is even less likely to work than the former!

digitalb0y wrote:
yea been there done that! Just recently too. I met this awesome girl late this summer and we hit it off right away which doesn't happen with me that often due to my shyness. She is just so amazing, Cute, great morals, she even had many apspie quarks just like me so that was quite comforting. When we really got talking we found out we went though alot of the same stuff in the past. She even started to heavily indulge in one of my biggest obsessions Mountain biking, even recently bought a really high-end bike just like mine Although we both have low self-esteems, at the moments when we try to be more than friends everytime like clockworkm she or I screwed it up (IMHO, me mostly all the time) and then it gets weird and we both get pissed off!!, after atleast three tries we decided (or should I say she, but I cowardly accepted) to be the dreaded "friends". IMHO I would go through the worst part of the screw ups 100 more times if I had a chance of getting it RIGHT with her! Although just about anybody else I would not give that chance. Although she's that special. Thats my 2¢

That's a nice story. I hope it goes well for you.

digitalb0y wrote:
Although we both have low self-esteems, at the moments when we try to be more than friends everytime like clockworkm she or I screwed it up (IMHO, me mostly all the time) and then it gets weird and we both get pissed off!!, after atleast three tries we decided (or should I say she, but I cowardly accepted) to be the dreaded "friends".

I know what that's like, for sure! Me and this girl have been trying to work something out for years now! :oops: She gets awkward and nervous when I'm after her and when she's after me, I get paranoid and angry. So we go through periods of not talking and then start again. We both have mental issues. But I don't think we're similar like you mentioned you are with that girl, so I guess I should not try anymore.



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18 Dec 2009, 6:47 pm

This is EXACTLY what ive been feeling lately i wanted to break up with my GF because i thought she deserved better than me and its really been getting me down to the point of wanting to isolate myself from all my freinds and GF just so they dont have to suffer me.

But know what im not that bad but i have to keep telling myself that or else im gonna be a very lonely person


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billsmithglendale
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18 Dec 2009, 7:00 pm

Mouldy wrote:
This is EXACTLY what ive been feeling lately i wanted to break up with my GF because i thought she deserved better than me and its really been getting me down to the point of wanting to isolate myself from all my freinds and GF just so they dont have to suffer me.

But know what im not that bad but i have to keep telling myself that or else im gonna be a very lonely person


What you're describing sounds more like depression, and one of the symptoms is self-isolation. Fight that urge, because it's a bad hill to roll down, and hard path back up from the bottom. Get medication, therapy, professional help, whatever, but don't succumb to it.



harlequinsenor
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18 Dec 2009, 8:59 pm

I've been in countless situations where the girl liked me and I liked her... we both knew it but I could never work out it because I could never think of anything to say to her. She just looked at me funny and after a while moved on. It would always kill me because I'm a fairly attractive person physically, but my personality simply can't live up.



madducklover31
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20 Dec 2009, 10:17 am

My boyfriend has stopped having sex with me for that reason. He says he still loves me but he can only "love me from a distance." I was talking with a friend of mine and he says after they see you with low self confidence, it is difficult for them to see you any other way. I'm still figuring out what to do.



ToadOfSteel
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20 Dec 2009, 8:22 pm

I seem to just piss people off nowadays if I try to communicate my needs to them. Just ask any woman that visits L&D here...



rmgh
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21 Dec 2009, 2:50 pm

madducklover31 wrote:
My boyfriend has stopped having sex with me for that reason. He says he still loves me but he can only "love me from a distance." I was talking with a friend of mine and he says after they see you with low self confidence, it is difficult for them to see you any other way. I'm still figuring out what to do.

I don't think that's true. The girl I mentioned always came back to me after I was always telling her about how I feel. She only did that when she was not succeeding with other guys, though.

He should be supporting you.



digitalb0y
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26 Dec 2009, 11:23 am

digitalb0y wrote:
Although we both have low self-esteems, at the moments when we try to be more than friends everytime like clockworkm she or I screwed it up (IMHO, me mostly all the time) and then it gets weird and we both get pissed off!!, after atleast three tries we decided (or should I say she, but I cowardly accepted) to be the dreaded ."friends".


rmgh wrote:
I know what that's like, for sure! Me and this girl have been trying to work something out for years now! :oops: She gets awkward and nervous when I'm after her and when she's after me, I get paranoid and angry. So we go through periods of not talking and then start again. We both have mental issues. But I don't think we're similar like you mentioned you are with that girl, so I guess I should not try anymore.


rmgh Don't give up!



rmgh
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26 Dec 2009, 7:23 pm

digitalb0y wrote:
digitalb0y wrote:
Although we both have low self-esteems, at the moments when we try to be more than friends everytime like clockworkm she or I screwed it up (IMHO, me mostly all the time) and then it gets weird and we both get pissed off!!, after atleast three tries we decided (or should I say she, but I cowardly accepted) to be the dreaded ."friends".


rmgh wrote:
I know what that's like, for sure! Me and this girl have been trying to work something out for years now! :oops: She gets awkward and nervous when I'm after her and when she's after me, I get paranoid and angry. So we go through periods of not talking and then start again. We both have mental issues. But I don't think we're similar like you mentioned you are with that girl, so I guess I should not try anymore.


rmgh Don't give up!

Lol thank you. I will keep going.



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26 Dec 2009, 7:34 pm

I feel that I can only get a woman with low self-esteem.

I am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.


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billsmithglendale
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28 Dec 2009, 7:13 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I feel that I can only get a woman with low self-esteem.

I am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.


Assuming you are not joking, you may have a warped sense of what women want. It's not your fault -- the media, especially MTV and cable networks, have made quite a nice dollar off of peddling an image and a subculture that drives the max amount of advertising dollars and consumer spending.

Addressing your concerns here:
1. Not a problem, judging by most of the recent elections, at least 50% of the country holds your views. At least 25% of that 50% are women, some in your age range.

2. Also not a problem -- I've never had to date a vegan or vegetarian. Plenty of women like to go to town on a nice rack of ribs.

3. See above -- most people don't.

4. Lots of people despise that pop culture image, even in trendy places. This is the great part about the variety of life, and everyone likes variety.



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28 Dec 2009, 8:30 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
I feel that I can only get a woman with low self-esteem.

I am not the people that anyone would want to date, because:

1. I am a Christian and vote Republican.
2. I am not vegan.
3. I do not drive a Prius.
4. I do not wear worn-out blue jeans and a Che Guevara T-shirt everywhere I go.


Assuming you are not joking, you may have a warped sense of what women want. It's not your fault -- the media, especially MTV and cable networks, have made quite a nice dollar off of peddling an image and a subculture that drives the max amount of advertising dollars and consumer spending.

Addressing your concerns here:
1. Not a problem, judging by most of the recent elections, at least 50% of the country holds your views. At least 25% of that 50% are women, some in your age range.

2. Also not a problem -- I've never had to date a vegan or vegetarian. Plenty of women like to go to town on a nice rack of ribs.

3. See above -- most people don't.

4. Lots of people despise that pop culture image, even in trendy places. This is the great part about the variety of life, and everyone likes variety.


I feel like I am not the person that someone would actually be interested in dating. I am the type that people settle for when they can't get anyone else.

To many people, "Christian" means "intolerant prick", rather than a follower of Jesus Christ.

Also, I like the Simpsons, South Park, and artsy independent/foreign films, and I don't think sex should be strictly for procreation. But many of the people with the same interests tend to be artsy hipsters, who generally refuse to date Christians who vote Republican.

Also, I need the partner to be an Aspie.


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