Okay, so I take things literally a LOT. What does this mean?

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Yeah yeah yeah. That guy who apparently only considers me a friend called me back (today) after I hung up on him (for calling me his friend on Thursday). Well, we talked about his lukewarm feelings towards me and he said that we should "take a break"

What does that even mean? Are we broken up?

As far as I'm concerned, yes. It kind of seems like a way to keep me sidelined while he finds other chicks to screw, but if I find a guy in the meantime, he'll accuse me of cheating on him.

But anyway, for future reference, what exactly DOES it mean when people say that they're taking a break from their boyfriend/girlfriend, because I've heard this used before. Is this sort of like when you're married and you get separated? Is this just two people needing time to themselves to decide if they want to be in a relationship with the other person? Is this just a really jackassy way of breaking up with someone without directly saying that's what you're doing?

I have to say, this place has been great. I don't read people well and I'd still be with that jerkoff if not for this site.

unfortunately, it can mean many different things. It could mean that he needs some alone time (not even the best of couples could stand being around each other 24/7), it could mean that he wants to break up, it could mean the same things you were talking about. Without context it's hard to be sure...

We only see each other once or twice a week, so I don't know about needing time alone. If anything, I was going to be the one to ask for more alone time.

He got out of a difficult relationship right before me and basically jumped into whatever "relationship" we had after the last one ended, so maybe he just wants to see what it's like not to have any pressure.

When we were talking and I asked if he really thought of me as only a friend (a status I assign to f**k buddy, friend with benefits, whore, etc) he accused me of trying to "diagnose" him, because of my interest in psychology, so maybe he just needs a week where he doesn't talk to me and doesn't have to walk on eggshells. I'd rather like that because I hate talking to people on the phone.

I'm not sure what conclusion I want him to come to, if he's taking this time to work things out rather than going after other chicks or using this as a passive aggressive way to break up.

OP, what is it you want from this relationship? Look, you called him on his "lukewarm" feelings for you, and he deflected the question, didn't he? He got you all defensive with his accusation about trying to "diagnose" him, and you seemed to have lost your focus. He didn't respond, "No, you've got it all wrong. I'm crazy about you, baby." It doesn't mean that you don't deserve someone who is crazy about you, or that you won't find someone who is crazy about you. But this guy isn't. He's a jag who's hoping you'll be desperate enough after a week without him to welcome him back - on his terms. And trust me, if you didn't feel valued before, you're going to feel a whole lot less so if you continue in this relationship. Really - it took him two days to call you back.

He's testing you to see how much you'll take from him. Do yourself a favor - take back your power and your self-respect and DTMFA.

But I know that I'll never get anyone else. In 25 years, that was the only one I ever had. When you're starving to death, you'll eat anything.

MizLiz.....what can I say to change your perspective on your situation? I'd really like to do that, because I think you're going to be in for a world of hurt if you continue on the path you're on.

I can try to give you an objective assessment of the situation you're in: you want a relationship with this man. You want him to value you, love you, respect you, call you his gf, maybe even marry you some day. There's nothing wrong with what you want. Nothing. But you've chosen someone who is not interested in those things. He's looking for a woman who is low maintenance, no-frills, has no expectations of him beyond the time spent together, and is willing to have casual sex with him. This is what's typically referred to as an "NSA" - "no strings attached" arrangement.

Your goals for this relationship are incompatible, at a very fundamental level (you don't seem like the kind of girl who is interested in an NSA). Part of the problem is that you leap-frogged to physical intimacy before you established emotional intimacy with this man. Now you're upset that the emotional intimacy you share doesn't match the level of physical intimacy. It's an unhappy, but valuable lesson to learn: generally speaking, NT men do not equate sex with love, or even emotional intimacy. They equate sex with orgasms, and they're happy to know any woman willing to be a means to that end. So you have to be very aware that a man's willingness to have sex with you doesn't mean a thing about his regard for you. My suggestion is to wait until you know any future men better before engaging in sexual activity - at least until you're sure that you share the same objectives and expectations.

And I know you're afraid that there won't be any future men. MizLiz, that thought crosses every person's mind, at some point in their dating life. "But what if this really is my last chance?" I don't believe that this man is your last chance to have a relationship, but no - I can't guarantee that. Regardless of our inability to predict the future, you still have a decision to make. Are you willing to settle for a man who's willing to bang around with you once a week, until he finds someone he wants to bang around with more? Don't make the mistake that many, many women make - don't twist and turn his words and actions inside out until you convince yourself that you really mean something to him. He's indicated very clearly that he is not interested in having the kind of relationship you want. So if you move forward with this relationship, you have to understand that it's an NSA, and nothing more. If I were you, I'd take this "break" between you two and do some very careful thinking about that. Good luck.

Understood.
Still, I hope you don't mind me butting in. There are a lot of lonely people out there in the world. I'm guessing that if your self esteem increases, so will your dating opportunities. At any rate, continuing to be attached to someone with "lukewarm" feelings toward you will only hurt you. I think you can take this one at face value, unfortunately.

Take it however you like, I would offer the advice that you move on. And I'm sure you will have luck finding someone else, there are men who are not interested in only casual sex. Use the interwebs, it sometimes turns up great people. I recently found someone online granted who knows if it will work out. But if not there are always more chances as long as you are willing to try. You will find something to try.

It means '"sit on this shelf while I go look for something better. If I don't find it, I'll come back to you".

On no accounts should you accept a 'break', especially from someone who refers to you as a 'friend' as it is. You are leaving yourself wide open to ending up in a friend-with-benefits situation.

Ending a relationship is just that, the end. You are now free to go your seperate ways. There's nothing saying you can't be friends, or that there is no chance you will ever get back together in the future, but calling it a 'break' implies that you are still an item whilst allowing him to cheat at will. It's making you think there's still hope, for as long as he feels like dragging it on.

Move on as fast as possible and if he tries to pull the 'but you're my soulmate' crap later on once your dating another guy, tell him to f-off. This guy is a real creep.



Very, very, very true. I made this mistake too with my last bf (who resembles yours a lot, everyhting from the 'friend' comment to trying to 'take a break). I can really understand how easy it is to think the best of what someone says. I am so glad I didn't go back to him, and I think, whether you meet someone soon or not, the future You will be prouder of yourself if you cut your losses and move on.

Thoughts in the order they occurred:

- when your guy tells you something, particularly something you don't want to hear, believe him. He called you his "friend". He didn't retract this statement later into being madly in love with you. That means, he doesn't love you (enough).
- "I want a break" can mean anything from "I need breathing space to decide what I want" to "I'm too much of a wimp to break up with you so I am hoping you go away on your own"

In this case it sounds like he quite obviously projected lukewarm attitude towards you, you argued about it and he wants to let this relationship die because it's too much bother.

Girl, you deserve someone who loves you madly and happily and wholeheartedly. This guy ain't it.

Well, considering that he hasn't called me back, I think he said "take a break" to mean "I'm breaking up with you but that's not what I'm going to actually tell you."