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I don't understand this Friends With Benefits thing...

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biostructure
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25 Feb 2010, 4:29 am

ValMikeSmith wrote:
JohnHopkins wrote:
veruniel wrote:
Or is there something I'm missing?


There's somethign you're missing.

When you're dating someone, the level of caring, catering, the level of everything is, or is supposed to be, way beyond anything you have with a friend.


I think we are all missing that "supposed to be".

I do have kind and loving friends, friendships greater than sexual relationships. Women don't understand this kind of relationship and I think that's why they can't have it (with me or anyone else).

I'm rather grossed out by all the talk of "being used" in relationships, it all sounds like hopeless spew to me. Seriously, if you can't be my friend AND have sex with me, I have no freaking idea why I'd marry you OR have sex with you! That's why I'm a virgin.


Absolutely agree with that last part!



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25 Feb 2010, 6:47 am

I've seen it written here that friends with benefits = promiscuity. I guess I see it as the exact opposite. I don't want to have a string of random one-night stands with people I don't know if I want sex. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of someone I don't know touching me let alone anything else. I would rather sleep with just one person, even if that person is just a friend it is someone that I care about. Granted, my only ever friends with benefits situation seems to have turned into a vague romance, but I have never slept with a stranger and I am happier because of that.



greenblue
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25 Feb 2010, 9:44 pm

If I get the oportunity of FWB , very likely I would welcome it (If I'm attracted to her), but I probably would end up developing feelings for her if that happens, but that's ME. I suppose that can work fine for few people.


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Hector
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26 Feb 2010, 10:59 am

Coming back to this thread, I like the distinction deadeyexx made.

Monogamous relationship - sexual relations, friendship, planning on each-other's terms, only having sexual relations with that person
Relationship - sexual relations, friendship, planning on each-other's terms
Friends with benefits - sexual relations, friendship
Booty call - sexual relations



Gremmie
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26 Feb 2010, 11:53 am

I think I agree with Lupus on this. One of my friends once said to me that he thinks however casual you're being about sex, it should still be with someone you know and like. I think that if I wasn't in a relationship and wanted sex then I'd rather have it with a friend that I actually care about, even if I don't see an actual relationship ever working for us.



hale_bopp
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26 Feb 2010, 2:24 pm

What your missing is the fact you're taking that statement too literally.

All it means is:
Someone to have sex with with none of the requirements of a relationship, whether they're actually your friend or not. Could mean that, or it could mean aquaintences with benefits.



Shebakoby
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26 Feb 2010, 2:59 pm

I don't understand friendships between people of opposite gender, let alone FWB.



alana
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26 Feb 2010, 4:39 pm

the only people I can imagine doing this with are a couple of my exes. I just think knowing people through sex before knowing them really well otherwise is kind of weird. I once thought I could do it but I just don't think I can. I have only had one one-night stand since I got sober and that was about ten years ago and it wasn't worth the emotional drama it turned into, I'd much rather just take care of my own needs. Actually I do envy people who can do this though...I just can't.



jawbrodt
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26 Feb 2010, 6:22 pm

My understanding, is that the main difference is the 'lack of committment', for whatever reasons.


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deadeyexx
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26 Feb 2010, 6:47 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
What your missing is the fact you're taking that statement too literally.

All it means is:
Someone to have sex with with none of the requirements of a relationship, whether they're actually your friend or not. Could mean that, or it could mean aquaintences with benefits.


Nah, if there's no friendship, then it's just called a booty call. With FWBs you do things that don't always involve sex. To handle this kind of relationship, you have to be able to detatch emotional meaning to sex. It's not for everyone as many have pointed out.



Tias
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26 Feb 2010, 7:10 pm

"f**k buddies" would be in my view, throwing out all sorts of morals, and just having sex with a friend like that.

Thats way below anything i would ever do, i just cant understand those people who do those kind of things.
And even if they arent exclusive, i can imagen that jealousy MIGHT get into the play after awhile