How do you work up the nerve to talk to someone?

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aziraphale
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26 Feb 2010, 9:49 pm

Well, for the past several weeks I have been eyeing this guy but I have been to afraid to talk to him. He is just so gorgeous it takes my breath away, and I know he is gay too since he makes it rather obvious. Well, today he went up and told me that I was the only person in the school other than him that had his own sense of style instead of following the crowd. I was so amazed that he was talking to me I just stuttered out a thank you and told him I liked his fashion too. I mean, my head was spinning, my heart was racing crazy and I was so grateful that I don't blush because if I did I would have been bright red. He had to go soon after since the bell rang but I basically spent the whole day in shock. This is so embarrassing, at sixteen I should have learned to talk to guys I'm attracted to by now but I guess I didn't. I have dated guys but they always were the ones asking me out. I have no problem with guys who I am friends with luckily, it would be awkward since I am a guy if I was afraid of all guys, but when I find them attractive I just get so nervous I can't do anything. Any advice on how to talk to guys I'm attracted to?



chaotik_lord
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27 Feb 2010, 2:31 am

Well, in this case, as he had already initiated contact, you can be secure in the thought that he is interested. Approach him, and try to continue the conversation that he'd begun with you; at least, initiate something related to that topic.



Sound
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27 Feb 2010, 6:43 am

aziraphale wrote:
This is so embarrassing, at sixteen I should have learned to talk to guys I'm attracted to by now but I guess I didn't.
Hehe, I'm almost twice your age, fairly socially successful, and I still struggle with approach anxiety. So don't feel too bad about it. :wink:
Just about everyone has trouble with this. Not many people get over approach anxiety easily. So by all means, figure out how to get past it, but don't feel silly about it.
Heck, I'll be anxiously reading the advice you receive - I'd like to stumble across a little gem that might help grant a little added confidence, too!

The small bit I have to offer: Guys and girls aren't so different. If a guy approached you, what kind of approach would you be receptive to? Chances are he'd feel the same.



aziraphale
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27 Feb 2010, 8:08 am

Well, he could be just initiating contact because he wants a friend. I mean I have done that with many of my friends and the rest initiated contact with me and only one of them actually ended up attracted to me. If it's not obvious, I am a guy, though being a pre-testosterone female-to-male transsexual I look a great deal like a girl. If a guy approached me, I probably would prefer that he was direct about his intentions, though I understand that he would have to spend a bit of time talking to me so he lessens the chance of asking out someone who he has no chance of getting along with. Still, part of the reason why I prefer directness is because I am somewhat resistant to subtle flirting mainly because I do not notice it a great deal of the time. The more obvious I can figure out because I do have a passing knowledge of facial expressions and body language. So, it might not work the same for him, but I guess I can talk to him and try to concentrate on his body language and not his body.



DavidM
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28 Feb 2010, 12:34 am

How to pluck up the courage to approach someone? The answer is simple. Man invented alcohol and drugs for this very purpose!



Northeastern292
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28 Feb 2010, 10:24 pm

To sum it up well, sometimes you need to take the chance. Finding something to talk about is the hard part.



Sound
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28 Feb 2010, 11:56 pm

DavidM wrote:
How to pluck up the courage to approach someone? The answer is simple. Man invented alcohol and drugs for this very purpose!
lol EUREKA!