Hypersexuality and dating.

Post Reply New Topic

Everyone on here knows while I have a sex drive, I'm typically a one partner guy and want the relationship along with the sex. It seems every few months, however, I get to a point where sex is the end game and it becomes just about satisfying a need and I can't even fathom the idea of romance. The past few days, I had been feeling that way. Luckily, I calmed down and while sex still interests me, finding a compatible girl is just as important for me.

I"m wondering if hypersexuality, even if just occasional, is a symptom of something else, or if it's just normal guy behavior to get to the point of frustration. I can't even explain how angry I was last night over being sexless.

I'm also wondering if this would dissipate in a long term relationship. The longest relationship I've been in is a month, and I only knew the girl for a few months, so it never got to the frustration level, combined with the fact that when we were dating we were at least fooling around and I was "getting something."

For those of you with longer dating experience, would a girlfriend be understanding of the sexual need?

Sounds like you need to find a girl with a sex drive as high as your own.

I have a pretty high libido myself, so I am trying to find a woman with similar; in the mean time, I've been going to bars and nightclubs in an attempt to find someone to "fool around with" (unsuccessfully so far, but I seem to be getting closer and closer). I've never dated, though, or been in a relationship, so I can't speak to that.

This sound familiar. I guess it's common for a lot of guys. Just be careful.

This is common for me. I really don't know why.

Have you found any seasonal correlation? I usually find that my libido peaks during autumn and spring.

I am not speaking from practical experience and this might be worn out
old news but older ladies known as cougars are allegedly hypersexual;
It seems to me that if you are not consistently hypersexual with a
hypersexual partner or vice versa then there might be some frustration
from that, where it may seem too frequently that someone might not be
in the mood. This is just a spicy mental belch of raw data though.

I can't remember another time when I read about someone on the spectrum
being able to have almost too much sex with girlfriends. :8):

Not that I'm any expert, but I feel that sexuality is composed of two things -
1) physiological factors: all that whole hormonal stuff, and
2) psychological factors: emotional and social emphasis, and other non-physical elements.

Basically, a mental part, and a physical part. Any single person's libido at any given moment is a combination of those two things. So if someone's not feeling the sex drive, at least one or both of those categories is tamped down, but not necessarily the other.

I don't know how the hormonal/physical side fluctuates in the big picture, although I'm sure it does... At the very least, it fluctuates daily, affected by lots of little things like waking up(dreams). On the psychological side, though, I think it's a built up pressure, and it can be relieved depending on the source thoughts. For instance, if you're concerned at how long it's been since you've had sex, or have never had it, that's a significant one. When you do finally have it, and for a little while after, one's concern over it subsides and levels off for a long time. A need met. Your libido will still go up and down, so long as your hormones go here and there throughout the day, or so long as the thoughts enter your mind. You'll want it again, but nowhere near so desperately and emphatically as before. I think in many ways it's nearly the same sort of mental mania that people develop about getting a girlfriend when they've had none.

For you, I imagine the ideas of romance and sexuality have come unbound, as they have for me(And I find that surprising - You're a virgin, yes?). So while you might still desire companionship and romance, you'll have periods of frustration or times of stress where you simply don't want to be concerned with that task. However, if you do not automatically associate romance to sex, then your desire for a girlfriend won't rise to a precipitous mania right alongside your libido, like it happens with so many other guys on here(I'm sure they'd deny the link, it's far too pragmatic for their tastes). The desire for sex or girlfriend will rise and fall independently. The libido will be probably more reliable, as it has a physiological component, but not the desire for a girlfriend... That's all in ones mind, I'm guessing.

As for anger, I can imagine myself being very pissed off in your shoes. Tons of social pressures give us sexual expectations, and if we don't live up to an expectation, we get unhappy. Particularly in the modern world, where sex has been highlighted as an indicator of a person's 'worthiness.' That's a huge emotional issue, few ways around it. So that alone isn't surprising. I don't know if how angry you are is normal, can't really tell without knowing you.

Personally, I don't think you need to be concerned about larger implications - You will probably settle down once you get some action. And it might not even be primarily libido that's making you feel this way, meaning your needs with a girlfriend aren't necessarily any different from another guy's. We can't really get a better idea until then, but until then I think it's unlikely to be anything abnormal. I doubt you're hypersexual normally.

Well you're kind of right about the girlfriend thing. After dating her, while I still want a girlfriend and think about it all the time, it's nowhere like the way I was before I met her. While I discovered the positives of a male/female relationship (fooling around, having a talking connection and rapport, spending time together, etc.) I also discovered the bad parts (a partner's interest decreasing while you're still interested, disagreements over stupid things, etc.) So while I still crave a relationship, my standards (for a relationship) went up if anything, and I can live being single knowing that the kind of relationship I want is a really good one that doesn't grow on trees and takes time to find.

There was a time I hated my sexual desires (pure sexual desires outside of a relationship) but now I embrace them and want to explore them. There's two kinds of feelings you can get when you're talking to a girl, even online. One, you feel a connection. The other, there might be some connection, but the main reason you're talking to her is to satisfy a physical need and you're not "feeling it" otherwise.

The frustration from before came from being brave and foolish enough to hide my sexual desires and wait until I found the connection, the right woman. Now that I've separated a pure sexual need from love, and am willing to have casual sex, I feel a lot better and less of a phony, but at the same time, when you're not getting it, it gets frustrating.

The good news is, for a pure sexual encounter, while I'm pickier than the average guy, I'm nowhere as picky as with the women I'd date long term, so it's bound to happen sooner than later.

Well it seems you've ditched a few of the more common un-useful mindsets. But you apparently still have a pickiness towards getting involved only with girls that will become a major healthy relationship...? Why? You can't control that. Date any girl who seems mildly cool and attractive, and see where it goes. Any girl will fulfill most of the relationship needs, the rapport, the comfort, the intimacy, etc.

Then continue to pursue it, or ditch it depending on what you find. But don't try to judge who's long-term material from the outside. Don't try to predict the future. =op

The girl I dated, while not a perfect woman, inside or outside, really "did it for me." I smiled for no reason around her, and it went beyond her being the first girl I dated. I really liked her. When you've had that, you don't want less. Also, on top of the selfish desire for strong romantic attention, I don't want to lead anyone on. I also realize there are some women that wouldn't be a fit for me for whatever reason...I'm not the type of guy they'd date, I'm "cute" to them but they can and want to do better in a relationship than me, etc.

I had several chances to meet someone on the internet. I chose my ex because on top of some commonalities (graduating from the same high school the same year and not knowing each other at the time) and physical attraction, our conversations at the beginning, online and in person, really went well. We just found out we had a lot of differences in philosophy, which happens.

Hm. I get the vibe you might be taking it a lil too seriously, but perhaps not. You've certainly got enough of a good perspective that you'll be a good judge of it, long as you take an objective look now and then...

My first girlfriend did a similar thing to me... Just about everything she did and said made me melt. I think she may have broke me for life. She ended up the yardstick by which I measure women, and no woman has impacted me so much as her, yet... *sigh*
Not good.
>pic

Isn't hypersexuality a medical condition? My younger brother's ex must have had, because she had some serious issues that affected everything. Sometimes, taking it easy is the best thing, and if you feel your sex drive is affecting your abilities to date rationally, do consult a therapist. You'll be happy you did.