Support forums for NT's with AS partners?

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roguetech
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15 Feb 2010, 3:08 am

Is anyone aware of a site geared towards providing support for NT's with AS partners? Is there interest for such a site (outside of my partner)?



League_Girl
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15 Feb 2010, 8:46 am

http://asdrelationships.freeforums.org/

I don't know if you want a forum that is for NTs only. But this place is for NTs who have aspie spouses or partners but it's also for aspies who have spouses too or partners.



roguetech
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16 Feb 2010, 11:11 am

It's for my partner, so I am unsure what she would like. I would assume she'd prefer one that is geared towards NT's. From my personal veiwpoint, it does not meet the criteria of providing support for NT's, not in that Aspies participate, but that there is no distinction between NT's and Aspies, unless the posters place it in their post or their signature.



Omerik
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16 Feb 2010, 11:21 am

Well, AS people are individual. I think your partner has to learn how to treat YOU, not how to treat AS people.

But I know nothing about relationships, only mistakes to make, so forgive me for the comment :oops:



BetsyRath
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16 Feb 2010, 2:26 pm

I glanced at a couple of those sites prior to landing here. In my opinion they were full of complaining and stigmatizing the AS partner, and little understanding that a relationship has two parties and both have a responsibility and a role. The NT partner is 50% of the relationship, 50% of the "problem" (if there is one) and at least 50% of the solution - possibly more.

WP helped me much more than those sites could have. For one thing - this community normalized or standardized some of my husband's behavior. "Oh, OK. It's not just him. This is part of the way of being for someone with AS". Even people I can clearly see are more profoundly affected by Autism, I can still see a common thread with my husband.

Being here, amongst people like-minded to my husband, has helped me develop compassion for him. I see the painful side of it this in ways he can't explain to me. I see the parents with their young autistic children and the struggles they have in life, home, school. I see the 18 year olds suffer here with depression and hopelessness - - my husband faced those things at 18. I see in the comments about work the problems he has faced in his career journey and why things in the workplace come so effortlessly for me, but are very hard-won for him.

I experienced a lot of complaining and victim-mentality on those other sites. I wanted something different - more freeing. AS isn't going anywhere in my life - it's here to stay. I'm not "fixing" or changing him, but maybe we can learn some different behaviors, both of us. And maybe I have the most powerful role to bring about change - by changing my perceptions.

Because of all of this above - - WP has helped me with the only part I have control over: my own expectations. This is the most powerful part for me. Eliminate the inappropriate expectation - and I'm a happy girl.


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League_Girl
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16 Feb 2010, 2:32 pm

roguetech wrote:
It's for my partner, so I am unsure what she would like. I would assume she'd prefer one that is geared towards NT's. From my personal veiwpoint, it does not meet the criteria of providing support for NT's, not in that Aspies participate, but that there is no distinction between NT's and Aspies, unless the posters place it in their post or their signature.


You should ask her. That place is a good forum and there are NTs there. They give each other support and aspies too and aspies give out support to them. I am not any good at it. Yes some of us do place in our sig to define ourselves. We say we are NT with an aspie or aspie with an NT or aspie with another aspie. If you're not sure about someone, just view all thier posts and view the past lage of their oldest posts and read their introduction post.



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26 Feb 2010, 2:46 am

BetsyRath wrote:
I glanced at a couple of those sites prior to landing here. In my opinion they were full of complaining and stigmatizing the AS partner, and little understanding that a relationship has two parties and both have a responsibility and a role. The NT partner is 50% of the relationship, 50% of the "problem" (if there is one) and at least 50% of the solution - possibly more.


http://asdrelationships.freeforums.org/ was made because that's true and I thought something fair to AS partners was needed. And so did some NT people on one of those complaining and stigmatizing sites.



Electric_Kite
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01 Mar 2010, 2:26 am

roguetech wrote:
From my personal veiwpoint, it does not meet the criteria of providing support for NT's, not in that Aspies participate, but that there is no distinction between NT's and Aspies, unless the posters place it in their post or their signature.


It's small, less than a hundred registered users and about twenty active ones, and it's really obvious who is NT and who is aspie, because they say so in their posts if they don't put it in their sig.

I don't see why putting it as a profile field would make a difference. Explain?