He's leaving for some stupid camp

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I was thinking that things with my boyfriend of one year and nine months were going very well, and they were. He thought so too. Last November, he reminded me that he was going to return to the Jewish summer camp he attends regularly, but this time he was going to be a Counselor in Training. I was disappointed and worried and several other unidentifiable feelings, as always, since I knew he would be gone for several weeks at the very least. This weird mix of feelings increased by a ton when he mentioned that it was 48 DAYS LONG. He asked me if it was okay, since he needed to go for an interview and a long application process and he wanted to make sure.. I guess.. before he tried.. and I said it was okay.. Which was a lie. I didn't want to be overcontrolling or anything but he is sort of my special interest. He's the one person I let in my 4-foot personal space radius, and communicating with him is not tiring at all. I have no idea what I'm going to do while he's gone, and I'm so upset... He was accepted into the program.. unfortunately. He knows I'm unhappy about it but he likes the camp because he is comparitively more social than I am. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do. Ugh. I miss being indifferent. I feel rather sickish thinking about the girls there that probably have fewer limitations than I do. His disdain for promiscuous girls might not last It feels like abandonment, but I'm sure he doesn't see it that way. I don't even know what to expect from him in terms of his response. Grrr. That is all.

The only thing that I can advise is absolute honesty. Honesty to him and yourself with your feelings about these things and your limitations for what you can handle. My previous experience is that I have dated a couple women who said that something was okay or they wanted me to do something that they thought I would enjoy. And then they let their frustration about it build up until they had to just leave or act out in a way that would end the relationship. But all they would have had to do is tell me their concerns and it would have been fine. They were more important than whatever else I was doing. But that is me, I cannot guarantee his response. But I do think that given how much he means to you, he deserves your honesty. Good luck, and I sincerely hope it works out in the best way for you.

Thanks for your alternate perpective... it does help. I was uncomfortable lying, and I still am... I just don't want it to bother him while he is there since I know he will not reverse his decision. I would never leave for this reason but I really don't want him to go.

I go to camp for a week in the summer. But that's a BSA camp. It's dirty and exhausting, and I'm not SSR staff. That said, one week is enough. It's exhausting. I don't have a SO that I leave behind though.

If it was me - keep it to yourself. There are things I want and/or need to do which takes me away. My asking "are you okay" generally is an acknowledgement of your discomfort.

You can bring up your discomfort, but you'd better make sure you let me know you're okay with me spending time away. If I think there's no way out of the situation, I'll start to tune out your discomfort because my focus needs to be on the reason why I'm leaving, and not your discomfort.

Yes, it's cold, but if I need to get away, I need to get away. Distractions can be very bad.

Somehow you got to get a relationship rather than an obsession.

48 days isn't that long Try 7 months! How far away is the camp and is there any chance you could visit him on some of the weekends? Also, I think you should arrange to call each other at least a couple of nights a week (he calls you one night, you call another..). I found this very helpful.

Don't worry about the other girls. I know that's easy to say, but honestly if you let jealousy and fear eat away at you, you will be a complete wreck by the time he gets back. I have been there and I know what it feels like, but you have to kind of accept it as a sort of Schrondringer's cat; I mean, there's always some chance that he may not be loyal, and you can never really be 100% certain (unless you make him wear a wire), but why beat yourself up about it? It's his problem and he's the one who'll have to shoulder the guilt forever if he messes up. Just be blissfully ignorant and hold up your side of the relationship; it's not your problem and it's not your responsibility to make sure he keeps it in his pants, just like he shouldn't worry himself sick about you.

I think your sense of abandonment is perhaps due to the fact that you are worried about how much you will miss him. In reality, you will probably cope quite well . Have you any plans yourself for what you want to do over the summer? Perhaps you should also apply for a volunteer position elsewhere?

by the way, be honest; are the promiscuous girls really going to go after him first? They tend to like the promiscuous guys and I'm sure there'll be plenty of them. Just make sure your fella know what the definitions of cheating are in your relationship and what the consequences will be if it ever happens. Apart from regular contact via text/phone, that's pretty much all you can do.