Biology and lust.

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I was wondering, why is it that even though I have no interest in persuing so-called really hot women...you know the kind...the ones with the sexy face, confident posture, long legs, big breasts...I can't stop fantasizing about them? I realize that it's part of biology that a man wants to procreate with a woman with a healthy body...but the women I'm romantically interested in have healthy bodies too, they just aren't so-called "sexy."

It's not like I have no intention of having sex. I want it bad. But I can imagine it being better with someone you're attracted to and romantically interested in who feels the same way about you.

So why is it that males commonly have interest in these "sexy" women?

I don't have to date one to know that I wouldn't get along with them in the long-term. I'm decent looking, but I'm not a male model, and on top of that, I'm a homebody whose event of the week is going out to a restaurant to have an excuse to dress up fancy. A model/perfect type woman is going to want to be showered with attention and be taken all over the place, and is likely to not care or want to understand you on a deeper level.

So what can be done to permanently forget these women exist? I mean, even though it's common to see them in porn and magazines and as actresses, maybe 5 percent of women look like that in most areas of the USA. The only reason I'm aware of them is computer porn, cinemax, and the occasional woman in everyday life.

I think your sorta screwed.LOL Like you mentioned, it's programmed biologically, so it's a natural impulse to lust over sexy women. Even if you were dating the hottest women on the planet, you'd still be checking out other attractive girls, lusting for them, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. My only advice, is to find a girl and have sex until you can't stand to think about it anymore, then jerk off a couple times.LOL Eh, you're screwed.

Well, it's weird. Most of this is behind the scenes. In person, I only seem to notice the women I actually want to talk to. Even in the event that I see one of those porn star/model quality women, I don't even look half of the time. This just seems to be a bad pornography habit that I've acquired. I'm wondering if I had a busier life and a girlfriend that I liked (inside and out, she didn't care about the Aspergers, blah blah blah) if it would decrease?

Yeah, I would say so. The "busier life" won't do much, but the relationship will. In my experience, when i was with someonme i truly was happy with, i didn't even think about other girls, or care, for that matter. It was like I was soo content that it shut off the 'lust section' of my mind. The trick is, to find the girl that can keep you feeling like that, or at least that's my theory.

I learned about this kind of thing from a psychologist friend - I think it's called a super stimulus.

There's also the fact that 95% of the 'sexy' women in magazines etc don't really look like that and are in fact airbrushed to look 'more perfect'.

Real people are far more sexy in reality but your brain will fantasize about the 'platonic ideal' because that's what it's programmed to do - look for the super stimulus and find something that matches enough of it.

Just from a female perspective: The sooner *we* recognize that the prototype is a fake, the better. I think that goes for both genders. Nothing wrong with a little fantasy, but when it really comes down to it, I think you'll find that a real person, especially one you care for and doesn't worry about the Asperger's, is worth her weight in porn mags, even if she only weighs 95 pounds

Just my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth.

~Kate

could you quote where you got that statistic from? I'm curious.

@theop if you want hot women you want hot women i don't see why you shouldn't just look for hot women

I'm sure that I once read something about photographs of our so-called beautiful models being shown to young men in a tribe somewhere and they did not find the slender women attractive. One commented, "why are they so skinny. Are they ill." They wanted fatter women because they saw that as a sign of health and the kind of woman who could look after their children.

I think it is less a question of biology and more likely that we in the western world are brainwashed into thinking that a certain look is beautiful because it is sold to us that way.

Humans are not perfect in any way.
Some might have savant skills which make them able to do massive calculations perfectly.
Buildings, roads and airplanes and trains are much more perfect.

People do not panic when a human makes a mistake because humans are made by evolution, thus have to make mistakes in order to progress.
However, things humans build are built for perfection.
I think humans should build things that would make a million mistakes a second to calculate the best course of action.
There are computers that make things walk by trying hundreds of millions of times and falling every time until the last one and then keep going faster.

Well, I hate to muddy the waters but.... Back in the day, larger women were considered far more sexy than the current standard by which we choose models and pr0n stars. I think this goes to show how deep down and subtle social conditioning affect us.

I know it's not on purpose, but you're objectifying women, here.

It's true that humans seek a mate with equivalent or greater perceived social value. And many people seek to increase their value in order to increase the value of their eventual 'catch.' It's why women wear makeup and fret about their weight, it's why men do a ton of the things they do. In fact, it's the basis of my broken-record-esque "self-improvement" paradigm: You increase your odds by increasing your perceived social value.

But if you manage to pair up with a mate who's relative value seems right up there with you, then you feel that you're with someone 'worthy' of you. In contrast, if there's a little whisper in your mind that says, "I can do better," then you'll be more prone either lose interest, or to compel other person give you bribes. That's how gold-diggers work, for instance, and men have their version of it too. It's also why an overwhelmingly huge fraction of relationships fail.

But that's not my whole point... Any woman is equally capable of seeing and appreciating the inner you, and caring nothing for the 'superficial' things like bribes, regardless of their perceived social value. The perception that a stereotypically hot girl is less prone to deeply appreciating their partner purely on the inside is a myth. Perceived social value discrepancies can get in the way though.
On the other hand, different people have different ways of weighing value.

Dunno, but based on the above reasons, I don't see why one should treat them as lesser for some reason.

Last edited by Sound on 03 Mar 2010, 8:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

Therange, I made a similar post in the "Aspie Males Who Want Girlfriends" thread, but also makes a lot of sense here. What you should do is "map" your natural attraction to sexy types onto girls who are more likely to show interest in you. For ananalogy, think of a DNS server that maps domain names onto IP addresses. For example, www,wamu,com leads to a website at 159.53.84.27. There is hacking technique called pharming, where you cross-map trusted domain names onto rogue IP addresses. For example, on a compromised DNS server, www,wamu,com will now lead to a fake website at 217.43.112.98 (fictitious address) that connects to criminal's database and steals your information.

So, do the same technique on your mind. Remember that the deciding factor for whether or not you'll date a girl is her liking you, rather than the other way around. Instead of having the "I want her" response to a sexy girl, cross-map that same response onto a less sexy girl who shows interest in you. It's not so much a matter of will, as simply having the reaction that already exists to a different person. If I could do it, then I'm sure it's not unique, and other aspies can do it too. All of my NT friends are baffled at this ability of mine, but I guess that's just one of the special powers of AS. You have those powers, so why not use them?

LOL you win the "Weird Analogy of the Day" prize.
I'm not even sure I get it.

What about this scenario: A long time ago, I worked for a general practitioner. He had this patient who was very blunt and shared his feelings with the Doc and me too. He was having a problem with impotence happening with his new found love. A beautiful, clothing model who was a "natural"....no fake parts, no plastic surgery. She was the "real thing". He couldn't "rise for the occasion". She DID want to get to know him on a deeper level and didn't make a fuss about his impotence. This was years ago, way "before" Viagra. Well, on the way home from that visit, he saw an immigrant, middle-aged woman bent over scrubbing the steps in front of her home. He got just a glimpse of her panty under this really raggedy, old-fashioned,house dress. He rose for the occassion. He called the doc just to tell him this. People have been populating this planet for a VERY long time....way before cosmetics and cosmetic surgery. I feel nowadays, guys are being "programmed" to feel they must "want" the perfect (cosmetically altered) woman. This just is all part of the "network" to make people rich - the sexy clothing manufacturers, cosmetic surgeons especially, magazines, Revlon, the prostitution industry. It's not about evolution and men seeking out the strong bodied woman. In evolution the "women" sought out the strong bodied man for physical protection not the other way around. Men sought out the wide-hipped, fat bottomed woman because that was considered good for child bearing. They were interested in the "genitalia" NOT the breasts or physical attractiveness like today. Back in the caveman days, those breasts were for feeding the babies only. AS far as the caveman was considered: If you didn't have a penis, then you were "alright" to him. "Mars needs women!"....just pure woman without the checklist of physical flaws. When men want sex, they're not picky at all. They're only picky when it comes to their egos in front of their friends and in front of male society. The media will "not" make money featuring a peep at the panties of a Russian Babuska scrubbin' steps!!

.....or 295 pounds!

The women I'm genuinely interested in, and the women I've dated, are pretty. Let me clarify, there are different levels of attractiveness. I'm talking about the ones who naturally have great, great looks and great genetics, as opposed to just a girl that's cute or pretty.

And I'm just being realistic. 10s date other 10s unless there's money or other factors involved such as he paid his dues in the same social circle as her. On top of it, 10s, it's not that they're necessarily bad people, it's that they have great social status and can have their choice of whoever they want.

I'm not talking about fake, done up women in too much makeup. Look up Annie Wersching. She's the type I've dated and would like to date again. Then look up Natasha Henstridge or Keeley Hazell. I know it's natural to notice someone like Henstridge or Hazell, but when you think about it day and night involuntarily?

I have heard of results that show a correlation between hunger and attraction to well-fed females. The society's prevalence of famine ought to be a factor.