Slowly losing the will to pursue a serious relationship?

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I've run into several issues over the past few years that have me concerned. As a teenager, I was one of those types who felt that I had to have a girlfriend, or I was always going to be miserable and lonely, But now that I'm in my early twenties, it has become the reverse.

I've been able to more actively date (somewhat) in my more recent years, but as time as gone on I seem to have become much more lethargic when I approach them. On one hand I'll have bouts of loneliness, but if I begin dating someone soon it feels like a hassle if anything. It feels like I am forcing a certain level of involvement that people come to expect out of a relationship, and rightfully so. I don't feel that it's fair to them that for the most part I'm not very communicative outside of brief conversations. If it's not a subject that I have an extreme interest in, then it's impossible for me to discuss it as I literally don't do anything with my time other than work, listen to music, play my guitar, and read about various topics of interest. Most people aren't going to get excited about discussing the LHC or which is the best Kyuss album. I have a little bit more luck with guitar discussions, but that's mostly with my guy friend at work.

I despise speaking on the phone with most people and only use them for coordinating plans and things. And I dislike being in public in general. I would much rather stay at home than I would go out to a club or something. I don't enjoy activites where I have to gauge the other person's enjoyment or do a lot of speaking. For example, the last date that I had found very comfortable was one where a girl from work came over to my house and we played Super Mario Bros. 3 and ate some tacos. I got lucky with her because her and I both prefer to not be around large amounts of people we don't know. Eventually I discovered she was only looking for friendship though, and not "that kind" of relationship.

Sorry for the random tangents. I tend to type up essays on them because I dislike feeling as though I haven't adequately explained something.

Is there anyone else out there that became this way over time though? How did you get around it? The fact that I no longer feel motivated about pursuing a lover is concerning me. It's difficult getting someone to understand that I'm not in a bad mood or that I'm not trying to be anti-social, it's just I'm "blank" most of the time and trying to follow up on the social cues is mentally taxing after so long. Sometimes it even backfires (the joke wasn't taken as a joke, the sarcasm was taken literally, I didn't express a particular thought the way I thought I was doing it, etc.), which in return makes me keep thinking out my next move. It just keeps becoming counter-productive, which is what I believe led me to where I am now.

I really enjoyed your share on this. I too struggle with relationships. I cannot give you any suggestions on relationships since I have not been in a serious relationship before, I wish you the best of luck with this.

I can say to you though don't give up. Look on the side of the street one day and u see an elderly couple together walking.... Thats what its all about in the end of life, don't give up, we all need someone to be there for us and surely our children will not take care of us forever.

The last paragraph you shared about how to explain to people that your not in a bad mood; could totally relate. that "BLANK" feeling, so it's not just me who has it i see now. Is this a typical Aspergers thing, does it have to do with a deficiency in the brain do you happen to know?

I wish u luck on your journey

Sam

I think I might have used the wrong choice of words. By serious relationship, I didn't mean one that I would be building on toward marriage, but one where the two people involved generally feel an affection to one another. Some relationships I've been in were just...I don't know how to put it. Like it was made apparent early on that it was just for fun for only a few months and we move on to different partners. The relationships were made vocal on her part that she would eventually be moving on to other places in a few months and she's just looking for a good time. Nothing wrong with that kind of dating, and I was happy that they were honest with me about it, but those kind of change ups make me feel uneasy about who I'm with at the time. It's hard to let people get to now me personally enough for dating purposes when we're both caught up in first impressions and that kind of info pops up. Sorry for the confusion. By no means am I looking for marriage any time soon in my life!

I've become immensely lethargic to even the idea of dating in the past two years, and I don't understand why as for a long time it was the exact opposite. I'm not jaded toward the idea of finding a girl or things like that. It's just like the "switch" in my head got flipped off. I don't even have much of a sex drive.

That's where the concern is.

Thanks for the responses!

Ahh, then I misunderstood. You are not like most of the lonely guys here, in that you perhaps at least know how to go about finding some form of relationship.

In that case, others' advice will be better than mine.

But I do have one point: The more quality you are, the more quality a person you make yourself to be, the more you grow, the more you pull in friendship, respect, and admiration... Then the more likely a girl is going to realize that you are a keeper.

So whatever else you do, and think, go find something to do that makes you proud. Large or small.

I am at this place i think.

I have no motivation but it has to do with this thing in this culture where no one wants to date a woman who is number 4 or over. I am talking lesbians and straight people here both. We are apparently disgusting hideous creatures who should be put to death or into camps like in the Handmaids Tale where they used the old women to clean up radioactive waste until their faces fell off and they died. Little children run screaming from us in horror, and our aged bodies can make a persons genitals shrivel up at a mere glance. All the butch lesbians that I am attracted to date 25 or 30 year olds, even if they are older than me, which most of them are. I feel so weird to have woken up disgusting one day, I had no idea it was happening and it certainly wasn't my intention. It is a very strange feeling to feel like human refuse and be getting the message all the time that I have no use to anyone and should just jump off a cliff because it's hopeless and there is no way anyone could ever be attracted to an old bag like me. I am sort of making light about it but in truth I have alot of grief about it really. Because I feel like it's somehow my fault or I did something wrong and how dare me when really I have no control over the passage of time.

So why even try, you know...