Just broken up with a NT girl, what should I do ?

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Joined: 8 Mar 2010
Age: 39
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Location: Shanghai, China

09 Mar 2010, 3:30 am

She is so gergeous in my mind. I am very sad now.

I am 26 and she is 25. We worked together before.

This is my and her first time to date with somebody.

We had been dating for 3 months.

Then I said some word stupid, she is very sad about that.

She want to break up and she said our personality do not match.

It was 3 month ago and now I find a new job.

I want to be with her again, so I told her my thoughts.

She refused me again.

After I saw the movie "Adam", I realized I am a kind of Aspie.

An article linked from Wikipedia said that the Aspie's love will only lasts for 3 month.

Then the result will be broke up. Is this true ?

She want me to forget her and move on. But I just cannot do it.

What should I do now ? Any suggestion ?

lanwellon
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09 Mar 2010, 3:57 am

League_Girl
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09 Mar 2010, 4:25 am

I would just let her go. Keep trying to get her back will accuse you of stalking her.

Aspies lasting three months, not always. I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 years. But my previous relationships lasted three months, go figure.

sinsyokka
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09 Mar 2010, 5:03 am

Sorry to hear bout your loss of your gurl, i guess she was a little unfair i suppose or less understanding of who you are.

But you have to remember, most gurls are sensitive and sometimes to the lads, it would be PAINFUL to have to be careful what you say. :lol:
If she was from the internet, there is possibly no way it would work out well.

Just keep strong and stay blessed.

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jawbrodt
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09 Mar 2010, 5:19 am

I'm not sure what to tell ya, 'cause I'm going though something very similar, except that it was about 7 months, instead of 3. So, I guess you can stop worrying about that "3 month" theory.lol All you can really do is find something to keep your mind occupied, rather than dwell on it alot. That makes it worse. I can tell you, that once the decision has been made, it's rarely reversible. I'm sorry to say, that if she already decided to leave, she's probably not going to change her mind. Sorry man, it sucks ass.

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jawbrodt
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09 Mar 2010, 5:22 am

Yeah, me too, and it's a bummer. I saw your thread in L&D, and responded there, so i won't say much here.

It's a tough thing to get through, and i wish you the best.

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ruveyn
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09 Mar 2010, 5:34 am

lanwellon wrote:

Don't become obsessive. Find someone else. Relations intimate or bordering on the intimate are inherently difficult for both aspies and normals. The are 6.3 billion people in the world. Somewhere, out there you could find someone suitable.

ruveyn

Villette
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09 Mar 2010, 5:58 am

most relationships do not work out. cheer up, my long distance emotional involvement has lasted 18 months.

lanwellon
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09 Mar 2010, 6:34 am

Thank you all for your replys. Please excuse me that I open 2 threads about this topic because I found the Love colume later.

I am thinking, should I tell my girl friend (NT) that I have Asperger at the first time ?

Or I should just pretend normal ?

Which one will be better ?

She is more strong in our relationship.
I mean, usually, she decide which restrauant to eat dinner or she will orgnize the activity cause she has more friends than me.
After all, she told me that she is so tired to keep this relationship with me.
I think she want a more sophisticated boyfriend.

I am now wondering should I find a Aspie girl also ?

Or a girl like her, outgoing, but can accept my AS ?

I even begged her and told her I will change for her. But I know changes are very hard for me.

Or is there a chance that I can change my personality and become normal ?

Should I accpet the truth that I got AS or should I change to be more outgoing ?

so frustrated about this ...

Need your suggestion.

I really want to protect her for the rest of my lifetime, though I am not that tough, I know.

I just cannot forget her. I even think that I will never have a nice girl like her again, because I am very inward.

Or I will not have true love again because I can never forget her.

Last edited by lanwellon on 09 Mar 2010, 7:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

League_Girl
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09 Mar 2010, 6:58 am

lanwellon wrote:

Thank you all for your replys. Please excuse me that I open 2 threads about this topic because I found the Love colume later.

I am thinking, should I tell my girl friend (NT) that I have Asperger at the first time ?

Or I should just pretend normal ?

Which one will be better ?

She is more strong in our relationship.
I mean, usually, she decide which restrauant to eat dinner or she will orgnize the activity cause she has more friends than me.
After all, she told me that she is so tired to keep this relationship with me.
I think she want a more sophisticated boyfriend.

I am now wondering should I find a Aspie girl also ?

Or a girl like her, outgoing, but can accept my AS ?

I even begged her and told her I will change for her. But I know it is very hard for me.

Or is there a chance that I can change my personality and become normal ?

Should I accpet the truth that I got AS or should I change to be more outgoing ?

so frustrated about this ...

Need your suggestion.

I wouldn't go claiming you're aspie since you aren't diagnosed. You could have something else and not even know it that mimics the AS symptoms. You can tell her instead you read about AS and it sounded like you.

Relationships are work for everyone but they are harder for us aspies. They are hard for me too and I find it overwhelming if I have to keep it up. But my husband accepts me for the way I am and he doesn't care. I don't have to work hard at all.

Didn't you say you and her broke up? Is this a new girlfriend you have now?

Last edited by League_Girl on 09 Mar 2010, 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Kilroy
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09 Mar 2010, 6:59 am

thread placing fail

Blindspot149
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09 Mar 2010, 7:09 am

Get another beautiful gf.

You clearly have the skills.

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lanwellon
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09 Mar 2010, 7:09 am

League_Girl wrote:

Yes. We broke up.
I said something stupid. (I thought she lied to me and I told her, I told her that she is hypocrisy, actually, she did not lie.)
Then she was so sad and a bit angry. She want to break up.

I am 26 and she is 25. This is our first time that we start dating.

League_Girl
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09 Mar 2010, 7:22 am

So why call her your girlfriend?

superboyian
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09 Mar 2010, 7:29 am

lanwellon wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Ouch...

it reminds me how many times I screwed up in previous relationships I've been in.

I sent a wrong text to my ex and then suddenly she got angry at me and decided to dump me and the message wasn't even offensive... :lol:

I look back and actually laugh at how funny it was and how ridiculous how it just suddenly ended.

Your girl who you dated reminded me alot like that...

Have you tried to apologise to her?

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lanwellon
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09 Mar 2010, 7:53 am

superboyian wrote:

lanwellon wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Ouch...

I look back and actually laugh at how funny it was and how ridiculous how it just suddenly ended.

Your girl who you dated reminded me alot like that...

Have you tried to apologise to her?

Yes. At the day she said she want to break up.
After then, I want to use my action to prove that I can change for her.
So I try hard to find a new job, a better job, then I asked her to think about it again.
She refused me again.
I realized that there are something in this world that we cannot change.
Not like the program, no undo or sudo in this real world.
Maybe only the time will change everything.

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