Lonely and Broken Hearted

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I am not sure if this is the right section that I should post this topic in but I am going to give it a whirl. I am fairly new to this site and I believe this is only my second or third post. Lately, I have been real lonely and depressed because most of the time I feel people do not understand how difficult it is for me to live with asperger's on a daily basis. Since I cannot drive and am not in school nor do I have a job, it is very hard for me to get out of the house and meet people and make new friends. The friends that I do have are all at different points in their lives and sometimes I feel like they have abandoned and forgotten about me. One of the more difficult aspects of having to live with asperger's is that of talking to females because I can be really shy at times and usually wait for them to approach me if they want to talk to me and usually it is hard for me to tell whether they are flirting with me in a friendly way or if they are flirting with me because they have a crush on me and would like me to ask them out. Plus, I am dealing with some other personal issues and it is easier for me to talk to girls about it rather than guys because of some stuff that has happened to me in my past. So, if any girl would like to get to know me feel free to message me or respond to this post. By the way, my name is Michael and I am 23 years old. Look forward to hearing from you.

good luck Mick ,theres plenty of girls out there with you name on it mate

I hope so because I have been hurt one too many times and I am not afraid to say that I have broken a few hearts too. I just want someone who wants to really take the time and get to know me and someone who will be loving and understanding about how my mood can suddenly change.

have you checked out Aspie Affection? It's an online dating service for people with Asperger's.
There is a link at the top of the forum but in case you miss it - Aspie Affection you can click here.

That's one of the tough things about the 20's.... The only thing you can do about it is be pro-active; relying on others tends to result in a let-down. Since you're unable to drive, then that will be your major bottleneck to focus on. Your life is essentially on-hold till you have money and a car. That probably means a job is necessary, so focus on that.

In the meantime, try not to worry so much about your social state - It will hardly be possible to further your social life until the car mile-stone is met, so you have no reason to feel crappy about yourself in that regard. Worry about your social life AFTER you've gotten a job & car. Perhaps that's a ways off in the future... And yeah, that sucks. But that just means you should get started now, and give it full throttle effort.
That was one hell of a run-on sentence(BTW, line breaks would also be nice).
Two thoughts:

1) When it comes to women talking to you, and reading them, I find it helps to first bare in mind that 'signals' only represent that they're receptive to you, not that they have a crush or want a relationship or are in love or blah blah blah. It's better to control your expectations by assuming that they're merely receptive to you, and no more. However, this should also be conjoined with being pro-active with flirting and moving the interaction along. Basically, assume that you have to do all the work.
The result is an easier time managing your own expectations, as well as avoiding subtle but awkward presumptions that can turn a girl off. You run the risk of under-doing it, but that's the purpose of focusing on being proactive.

In short, no assumptions + no expectations + strong forward momentum. IMO, this combination of mindsets strikes a good balance to guard against the pitfalls that us introverts commonly hit.

2) You sound like you accept your shyness and social avoidance as an immutable thing. Like you simply ARE, and can't be otherwise. This is false.

You'll find yourself in a better position later on if you press yourself, push your comfort zone, expand it. You'll be capable of trying more things, you'll feel gradually more comfortable, and you'll become a more attractive person to be around. It's also very important for the purposes of meeting women. The majority of them prefer to be approached, and don't feel they should have to do the approaching. By consistently relying on women approaching you, you're shooting yourself in the foot. It doesn't have to be this way. Although it's difficult to learn to approach strangers(let alone attractive women), you are capable of doing it successfully, even with AS. But it will take practice.
Oh. Woops. I responded without being a woman.

Btw. Stop calling them 'females.' They're women.
Although people seem oddly used to it on this board, to the rest of the world it sounds incredibly awkward.....

I know I should not have posted this because of the feedback I would get for people who really do not understand and who are only on this site to make fun of and hurt other people. please respond on if you have something serious in terms of feedback to provide me with or else do not respond. thank you.

Hm. Call me paranoid, but by 'people' I'm going to make a long-shot guess that you're referring solely to me.

Well since my feedback was clearly sub-par, would you help me figure out what part was negative, or was bad advice?

It is hard to live with aspergers, but don't expect 'normal' people to understand. Their own lives are difficult enough and if you go on about how bad yours is, they will just write you off as a moaner. People have a lot more respect if you prevail against the odds or at least try.

If you want someone to understand you, you're welcome to write here on WP, or talk to a counsellor, but I really advise keeping your day-to-day struggles private, unless you have a couple of really close friends or family.



People move on, and whilst they may not have forgotten you, they may no longer feel they have anything in common with you. You can make desperate attempts to get them back, or you can just accept it and try meeting new people.

Is there any reason why you cannot take up driving lessons, go back to education or get a job? Evening courses and volunteer work are also great for meeting people



If it is easier for you to talk to girls, then go up and make the first move. Don't keep expecting them to come up and talk to you. If you don't think of them as 'potential girlfriends' from the word go, what do you have to lose by jsut saying hi?

Also, Sound is correct. You can change aspects of your personality. I don't mean pretending to be someone else, but actually putting in effort to lose your shyness.

You say you want someone who 'takes the time and gets to know' you and who 'will be loving and understanding about how my mood can suddenly change'. Focus on getting to know other people and being loving and understanding yourself. Also, work on the mood changes. You can't expect anyone to put up with that unless you yourself are making an effort to improve yourself.