I kinda know what I have to do but...

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I'm not sure how to do it. I am talking about approaching girls and getting friends with them. I don't have one single number from a girl and i'm 18...I do try to talk and can sort of converse...only when it's about a common thing, but I find it really hard to start one out of the blue or just go up to someone...I know I'm gonna hear the same sort of stuff of how to do it but I don't understand why I can't just do it...am I too shy, or sometimes I feel like I have trust issues maybe because I feel insecure about myself. Whatever the case, I'm kind of sick of being lonely and I just need to figure out what to do. Like I said, I'm sure I will get the common replies about this topic...I just feel like I'm too scared to do it and backdown...someone please help

Have you tried meeting people online?

In my experience, this is a far better way to not only meet people but get to know what they are like before going through all the stress of a face to face meeting.

I know its not the same but recently I went to the market to buy vegetables and I saw all these green things and it freaked me out because I suddenly didn't know what to ask for anymore and I went home empty handed. One thing that has helped me in the past with shopping, cold calls, and meeting new people is to make a short script to get me started speaking. It doesn't have to be that long. I only need about 4-6 lines to get a conversation going.

Sometimes (and this has happened to me) we start driving ourselves nuts when we have to find a significant other. My stepdad, who might be a borderline Aspie, has always told me "let girls come to you" (He also goes into further, a little more detailed talk on how I'll end up having to fend them off, but I'll leave that for another day).

Sometimes, being active and involved in activities, whether it be at school or in the community makes a world of difference. And sometimes it's just good luck too. For instance, the only girl I've ever kissed (and the only person who I could remotely consider a girlfriend) and I met on a Facebook group only two weeks after we (at the time we didn't realize) ran into each other at an open house for the college we attend. And sometimes good chemistry helps. The girl I've been seriously chatting with for the last couple of weeks and I have a lot of the same philosophical views about social life in general, in contrast to a girl who I chatted with my first semester of my freshman year of college. That girl and I had zero chemistry, but at the time I tried denying it. At first I thought the girl who I have been talking to recently and I had no chemistry, along with being unable to chat without being nervous, but after a while, we both seemed to just start chatting.



My doctor/therapist suggested the same thing of having a list. What's been even a greater help for me is just not being nervous, but then again, I'm a wee bit paranoid around the opposite sex.

I'm not saying this is always the case but it seems generally to be the way of the world ...

... as the man, you are responsible not only for responding to her (passive) signals (such as a smile your way) and making the first move, you must also constantly keep saying things that make her laugh, and you must convince her, essentially, that you are a winner and worth being with ... and, and very often, it's your responsibility to help her feel confident and secure so forget about talking about your weaknesses and anxieties until you know her extremely well ... just lie and smile and lie and smile and go on endless dates and obsess and call and do as you please until maybe someday she lets you have sex with her then you realize it wasn't really worth all the hassle in the first place ... rinse and repeat with a new girl ... ad infinitum.

If this is consistently true, then the solution is for you to think smaller. Take smaller steps, break it down into smaller pieces, etc.
Also, make lists and schedules, and stick to them HARD. Nothing will stop you from flaking out otherwise. And look for other ways to leverage consequence/penalty/pressure on yourself to combat slacking. That one is huge, to me.

For example-
I have tried many times over the years to go out running regularly. Despite having been on running teams in high school, I simply can't keep myself doing it. When I think about the prospect of going to a common gym, I am rather positive that I'll just.... not go.

The solution for me was to find a fitness program that works according to a schedule, like a class format. That imposed multiple pressures to keep me coming back.
1) It cost more than a normal gym, so I want to get my money's worth,
2) the same people would tend to be at each class, and as I got to know people, they'd be anticipating my presence - peer pressure.
3) The trainers would give me s**t for not showing up.
4) I'd feel like a loser if I didn't keep up with everyone who joined around the time I did, or are in similar physical condition.

If it were not for those pressures, I simply would not do it. I'd flake.
So try to find or create external motivators to keep you going.

And on a tangent, I highly recommend looking up a dedicated CrossFit gym in your area. They are really good, and give better value and better results than the typical franchise gyms. They're much more personal, too, which is nice.

Hey Buddy,

If you intend on crossing the river the hard way, then check out the Routines Manual from Love Systems. The e-book basically gives you stuff to work with and remember to say.