Page 1 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

17 Mar 2010, 1:35 am

Am I unnatural for not particularly wanting sex? Is that why women don't like me? Or is it just my lower sex drive making me non-competitive with other men?



jamesongerbil
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,001

17 Mar 2010, 1:43 am

I don't know, but that Reginald Barkley icon is pretty hot. I love Reginald! But really, I'm taken. From what I remember of the play-ground social rules, girls like to be chased. Well, the normal ones, that is. I don't. I despise it. But, anyhow, it may make you less competitive, but on this forum, asexuality is fairly common, especially due to the sensory issues that can occur. You are not unnatural. Do you want women for the sexual relationship or only for the companionship?



DavidM
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 400
Location: UK

17 Mar 2010, 1:44 am

Do you masturbate? 8O



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

17 Mar 2010, 1:46 am

jamesongerbil wrote:
I don't know, but that Reginald Barkley icon is pretty hot. I love Reginald! But really, I'm taken. From what I remember of the play-ground social rules, girls like to be chased. Well, the normal ones, that is. I don't. I despise it. But, anyhow, it may make you less competitive, but on this forum, asexuality is fairly common, especially due to the sensory issues that can occur. You are not unnatural. Do you want women for the sexual relationship or only for the companionship?


Primarily the companionship, but if she wants sex im not one to object...



jamesongerbil
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,001

17 Mar 2010, 2:08 am

Ah, I see.



Aspiewifey
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 64

17 Mar 2010, 2:47 am

It's not unnatural to not be interested in sex. It's not unnatural to want sex three times a day either. People are all different. Aside from which, even within a person, those desires tend to wax and wane.

It is true that having a low sex drive could get in the way if you happen to hit it off with a girl with a high drive. That's just a ton of fights waiting to happen.



Villette
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 415

17 Mar 2010, 4:18 am

not unnatural for an Aspie.



Merle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

17 Mar 2010, 4:23 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Am I unnatural for not particularly wanting sex? Is that why women don't like me? Or is it just my lower sex drive making me non-competitive with other men?


No, it happens to a lot of people and typically comes in cycles. No, and no.



ursaminor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Nov 2009
Age: 158
Gender: Male
Posts: 936
Location: Leiden, Netherlands

17 Mar 2010, 7:06 am

Not really.
I see how it might make you less competitive for women, but other than that, it seems like a lucky thing.
Constant arousal is pretty annoying when you are trying to work.
Although I see the entertainment purpouses in seeing people fight each other over me, I probably would not choose any of them, so that part baffles me a bit.
But then again, I am an autistic male, so I cannot be much farther from the typical female point of view :lol:



Postures
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 853
Location: Polska Rzeczpospolita Ludowa

17 Mar 2010, 8:05 am

Not really. Some people just have lower sex drives.


_________________
...at play amidst the Strangeness and Charm.


Side_Kick
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 107

17 Mar 2010, 11:27 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Am I unnatural for not particularly wanting sex? Is that why women don't like me? Or is it just my lower sex drive making me non-competitive with other men?


Aspiewifey wrote:
It's not unnatural to not be interested in sex. It's not unnatural to want sex three times a day either. People are all different. Aside from which, even within a person, those desires tend to wax and wane.

It is true that having a low sex drive could get in the way if you happen to hit it off with a girl with a high drive.


Just like Aspiewifey said, everyone is different in their levels of interest in sex... And also that a girl with a high sex drive would likely be frustrated being with a man whose libido was significantly lower than her own.

On the flip side, a woman with little to no interest/desire in sex would be quite put off by a man who wanted it all of the time. (Like myself). It's just a matter of compatibility, as with any other aspect of a relationship. :)



MichelleRM78
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 303
Location: Wisconsin

17 Mar 2010, 11:39 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Am I unnatural for not particularly wanting sex? Is that why women don't like me? Or is it just my lower sex drive making me non-competitive with other men?


No, not unnatural. You may find, however, that when you find the right woman, your sex drive may increase. Suddenly the desire to be intimate with that woman may increase dramatically. OTOH, I have heard there a lot of women who don't value sex much at all. Most men I know complain that their wives/girlfriends don't want to have sex. I would suspect your lower desire would actually be appreciated by many women.



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

17 Mar 2010, 12:18 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Am I unnatural for not particularly wanting sex? Is that why women don't like me? Or is it just my lower sex drive making me non-competitive with other men?


@Toad, please try not to focus on the sex stuff. I'm fairly certain that your lower sex drive is not scaring women away - you're working on the attraction phase, not on the maintenance phase of a relationship. There is no way a prospective mate could divine the level of your sex drive in the attraction phase. (And please don't discuss anything like that in the attraction phase either - that's a limiting move.)

I'm also fairly certain that your lower sex drive is linked to your depression, and the work you're doing with your therapist will have an impact there. I think when you're ready to attract a woman, your sex drive will take care of itself. Don't put the cart before the horse, okay?


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...


ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

17 Mar 2010, 12:40 pm

I'm not intending to put the cart before the horse at all... I'm just trying to figure out everything... If my claim to being unlovable is invalid, then there has to be a reason for my constant string of failures...



MichelleRM78
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2010
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 303
Location: Wisconsin

17 Mar 2010, 12:42 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I'm not intending to put the cart before the horse at all... I'm just trying to figure out everything... If my claim to being unlovable is invalid, then there has to be a reason for my constant string of failures...


The reason is that you are human in the "dating game." It isn't easy for any of us. We have all had many failures (I won't even put a number on failed attempts on my part). Unfortunately, its just part of it.



HopeGrows
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

17 Mar 2010, 12:51 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
I'm not intending to put the cart before the horse at all... I'm just trying to figure out everything... If my claim to being unlovable is invalid, then there has to be a reason for my constant string of failures...


The reason is that you are human in the "dating game." It isn't easy for any of us. We have all had many failures (I won't even put a number on failed attempts on my part). Unfortunately, its just part of it.


Well said, @MichelleRM78. Every relationship is a failure, Toad - right up until the one that isn't. Issues like these are complex - there usually isn't one single reason, or one simple solution. You're on the right path - just keep walking.


_________________
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful...