Should NT partners learn about AS/ASD?

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Specifically to those of you who are AS/ASD and who have NT partners who know you're AS/ASD.

How much effort do your partners put into learning about AS/ASD?
Do you think your NT partners should put effort into learning about AS/ASD?

Would you like your NT partner to learn more about AS/ASD?
Anything in particular you'd want them to try to understand better?

When I say learning about AS/ASD I mean reading books or articles, attending meets, hanging out on forums like this, etc. - rather than just learning about AS/ASD from you and your own individual 'symptoms', characteristics and needs.

My wife is a nt type,even though we have been together for 16+ year she still gets annoyed with me. The most resent event was her father passing and she after the fact said you are not vary good a consoling people. Once again I feel like I have done my best and failed her.

#1-2 She has never put forth a effort to under stand me but I believe she should.
#3 Yes I would like my partner to learn more about AS/ASD.
#4 In particular you'd want them to try to understand better that though we have the same emotions I cant show them the same way as she can. Also why I can not stand to have loud noises in the house at night when I am trying to wind down.
#5 Yes our middle son has as and half the battles around the house between her and him are related to it.

I will preface this with a caveat: I will probably take the Lone Spectrumite route (aka not pursue a romantic relationship unless God changes my mind).

But from a Human Development and Family Studies and parent-child, spouse-spouse attachment perspective, I think it is insensitive for NT people to not research autism spectrum disorders if their spouse/partners are on the spectrum.

First, communication: We on the spectrum communicate differently. For example, we might need more time to process after feeling strong emotions to answer the question, "What's wrong?" Also, social situations may need to be explained and the NT person may need to guide the person on the spectrum through situations.

In attachment research, spouses serve as secure bases for each other. How can a person on the spectrum feel secure with an NT person who is unwilling to research their limitations and help accommodate his/her needs?

Also, the NT person would need to research and know about ASD limitations in case their children were on the spectrum. If the child feels like he/she is misunderstood by a parent, that would make the child feel insecure and less competent as he/she develops.

SO yes, I feel very strongly that NT people in relationships should make an effort to learn about way their ASD partners and experience the world. If they do not, I think it's disrespecting who the partner with ASD is. That of course is very bad.

I expect my partner to learn about me.

If my special interest falls into autism again, then I'd talk about autism a lot. I would hope they'd listen.

Yes, without a doubt, yes.

I really think it is important that NT partners should learn about Aspergers. Having Aspergers affects the way I talk to other people and it explains why sometimes all of my attention is focused on my hobbies and not on my partner. The more they understand, the better. My boyfriend knows I have it and knows a bit about it, I suspect he might have it too

I sent my partner some short articles but I'm not sure if they ever read them. I wish she would learn more about it.

I'm going to say no.

I don't think you can or should learn about the person closest to you by studying stereotypes/other people of an entire subdivision.

There are shelves of books and magazines devoted to 'understanding men', 'understanding women' and I think all they do is teach people to treat others as specimens and generalised 'types' rather than learn to deal with the individual in front of them.

If I'm going to spend my life with a person, I don't want to have to resort to reading a book on them everytime they confuse me!

It also seems a little lazy to explain your own faults by telling the other person to read up on them. If you want someone to live with your personality for the rest of their life, then the least you could do is explain your own personal reasons as to why you do X/Y/Z !

It's good that they know but make sure you don't use it as an excuse or for pity.

I do think it's important for anyone who has a partner with a disability to educate him/herself about the disability. My thought is that in the absence of knowledge and/or the correct information, it's far too easy to attribute symptoms to character flaws. For example, a partner who is not adept at reading facial expressions may not realize when he/she has offended someone. Without knowing that the person has an inability to accurately read/interpret facial expressions, it would be so easy to assume the person is mean, rude, uncaring, selfish, etc. - which would only compound the problem.

By the same token, it's also important to understand that mixed Aspie/NT relationships require a commitment to education by both partners. It really doesn't matter if the relationship is Aspie/Aspie, Aspie/NT, or NT/NT - each partner has to grow, stretch, step out of his/her comfort zone in order for the relationship to thrive. When both partners are committed to accommodating each other's needs, it's much more likely the relationship will be happy and healthy.

My wife compelled me to be evaluated after the diagnosis of Autism in our youngest child. She was devastated, spoke with my mother, who reassured her "Oh, but lots of the children in our family go through something like that. Most of them eventually 'come out of it' and turn out all right. Why, you're married to a kid who didn't speak a word til he was nearly 4, and who showed all the classic signs of the condition for the longest time, and he turned out fine."

I got the diagnosis, and she's treated me like goddamned mental patient/stroke victim ever since. I preferred when she just thought I was a quirky son of a b***h with a cold heart and a bad personality - pity is worse than hatred.

Make certain your other half is the type who can hack dealing with a crap-load of information (some good and true, other is otherwise) about how to "handle" an Aspie.