Not sure how to interpret this.......

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Met an aspie guy on an online dating site and we've been goin on dates since january. Things have been great but I think something odd happened and I'm trying not to over think things.

But here we go...

There's a sushi bar I go to all the time... They know me there and I talk to the chefs cause I sit at the bar and I am there alone 99% of the time. In fact, ANY time I bring anyone with me... The next time, the chefs tease me kind of and ask me if my last friend I brought was my "boyfriend." I always laugh it off cause they're not-- I just don't have many friends and the minority of them are girls.

But this time, I did bring my "interest" along with me and I think they could tell cause while we were eating there at the bar, the chefs asked my date, point blank, "So are you the boyfriend?" And.. I don't know how to interpret his response, but it was non-committal, though light-hearted. So the conversation between all of us kinda ended a little awkwardly but it wasn't TERRIBLE... But once the chefs moved down to the other end of the bar, I turned to my date and apologized, explaining they always do that to me, just not when the other person is there. He seemed fine with it but added, he didn't understand why people have to have such "black and white terms." I responded with, "Well, I think they were just joking but I don't understand why some people thrive upon the grays."

My response was meant to refer to the types of guys who specifically dodge such titles as boyfriends to continue doing as they please... Cause I've had that happen to me in the past... Last guy I was dating did just that... Strung me along for a very long time while lying and manipulating me to no end while he "satisfied" himself elsewhere too.

I think my point was made but not taken ill. I've had very candid conversations with this guy and don't think he took offense (though we have not had the ex discussion nor do i really care to)... We carried on with conversation and had a lovely evening. I guess it's just in spite of how I perceived everything, I was surprised by his response. I think the boldest thing we've done whilst out drinking and being tipsy together at a pub was to sit off in the corner and giddily say that we really like each other... But we HAVEN'T been dating too long and HAVEN'T really discussed the "black and white" stuff so I guess I shouldn't think anything of this?

Since this happened, we've still gone out several times and are having a great time. But I just keep finding myself wondering about this incident and what it means. He's a handful of years older than me, and having dated older guys before, I know they perhaps have some "acquired" views on dating and such... I am just worried that I am letting past events creep into my mind. I don't wanna go crazy-clingy-biotch on this guy but I don't know when to even bring up such topics as dating exclusively... Which is all I am interested in. I have never dated multiple people at once and I feel I am transparent about that but I just don't understand his response when I figured he was the same way... I'm not even sure that he's not (meaning I would not figure he's seeing anyone else). I certainly don't want to bring up the thing at the sushi bar cause I don't want to attach that stigma to the relationship cause it's so great.

I'm just tryin to wait out these crazy urges to KNOW and hope that things keep going great and that it will come about naturally. But it's hard cause there is now a gray-ness that I am having a little trouble dealing with, myself.

I'm glad I'm not dating in the stone ages, but damned if I know what the hell is up and down these days.

@Sedaka - You're over-thinking it. Chill out - don't talk to him about what happened at the sushi bar. Here's why: there's nothing wrong with how he responded at the sushi bar. He was put on the spot by the sushi chefs (who probably like you, and were probably trying to "do you a favor" by putting your guy on the spot - it's a goofy "paternal" kind of thing, e.g., "what are your intentions, son?" but I'm sure their ham-handed effort was well-intended). At any rate, at that point, it was too soon in the relationship to declare his "intentions" to date you exclusively, or to label your relationship. Regardless of what he felt, I'm sure he wouldn't want to put you on the spot, either. So, it sounds like he handled it pretty darn well.

Look, be real about your comment about how some people "thrive upon the grays." You communicated your point of view, my dear - that you like "black and white" and don't have much tolerance for "the grays" when it comes to relationships. I'm not saying you're not entitled to your opinion - but it was early in the relationship to talk about that kind of stuff. You guys have only just begun dating - everything is supposed to be a shade of gray, hon. Let's put it this way: after less than two months of dating, the only "black and white" decision I could advocate for would be a break-up: if the guy/gal has shown such a deficit of character that you know the relationship is a non-starter. Other than that, dating is the process by which you separate out the gray until you can clearly see the black and white - and that takes time.

So your guy has not been scared off by that conversation, which IMO is a good sign. He must like you, cause you didn't scare him off with that comment. I know what you've been through in the past with your ex, and I understand how you feel. But that's your issue - not your new guy's issue, right? This is a new guy, clean slate - don't make him pay for the jag that your ex was, okay? Do not bring this up - ever again. You dodged a bullet, kid - don't re-load, okay?

I don't think what I said sounded as creepy as i'm typing it to be... But it brings up points that we should be able to talk about given where our dating could be going... Health-related issues, at the very least is something to be black and white about imo... Guess I should say it >< The topic of sex....

I would like to be clear for this reason... But as I thought--and you reinforced... I don't wanna tie it back to the sushi bar thing. Cause that COULD make it instantaneously creepy/bad.

Grr... I have been mentally shaking my fists at my sushi chef friends... I know they were teasing or doing whatever they thought was good. But at the very least... I dunno when he'll feel like goin back there... And it's good sushi >:O

Okay, hang on a second - on the one hand you're talking about dating exclusively, and on the other hand you're talking about sex. So I'm with you: before you have sex, you have to have the talk. (Heck you have to get tested - both of you.) Since you mentioned you date exclusively, I'm assuming you are monogamous. You've got to establish that monogamy is your preference before you have sex with him. If he's not willing to be monogamous, then you have a choice to make. And if you don't engage in casual sex - let's say, you have to be in a declared gf/bf exclusive, monogamous relationship first - then tell him that....likely when your relationship has progressed a little more, but before you're fumbling for your birth control. Cool?

I think that you're making too big of a deal, our of the age difference. Age doesn't matter.