Giving up, and I feel fine...

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So after many months of trying Internet dating, I'm done with the whole thing.

I've gotten several outright rejections ("not even coffee"). a couple of first dates, and no second dates.

I always assumed if I got to this point I would feel defeated, or even ashamed of my Aspie self, but interesting enough, I feel much better now. I feel liberated and relieved to not have this albatross around my neck any more.

Strangely enough, this is the sort of feeling I thought I would get from finding Ms. Right, turns out she wasn't even necessary.

Is this weird? Is there something wrong with being OK with being alone?

Well, I suppose that it would potentially be easier for someone on the spectrum to be alone. However, I have found that it is often easier to attract/find a partner when one isn't actively looking. This certainly seems counter-intuitive, but experience tells me that it is true. I think that some of it stems from the fact that one who isn't actively looking for a partner is less likely to over-analyze the situation and is able to project a more natural, positive and confident energetic to whatever situation he finds himself in. I have some other related thoughts on the mater, but they are a bit on the metaphysical side.

I understand where you are coming from, in the past I did / felt the same about relationships, and I still do this when it comes to friends. I tell people - and believe - that I am OK alone. I think it is a case of all the effort to get/maintain a relationship, then something goes wrong - usually something that can be tracked back to personality / AS, and then it is devastating. Being OK with being alone is an easy way to start feeling better I suppose. But in the end, I have to admit (shhh) - I really wish I had LOTS of friends.

I know I always hear comments about taking it easy , not trying to hard to find someone, they will just show up. Not sure about that.

I give you credit, I have never really had to go through the whole dating / online thing, I can see how it would be extremely frustrating. Maybe focus on trying to do things with friends, or small clubs, or similar - I know the AS makes that tough. Maybe try to focus on getting to know / building a textual relationship - at least for a little bit. Be sure to express all the good things about yourself, and be interested in them of course.

Stick in there.

I used to feel like that, but for me I swung to either feeling really lonely or perfectly fine really quickly and randomly.

I agree that you are more likely to find someone when you aren't actively looking though.

Totally counterintuitive but for some strange reason it does tend to happen after you give up or at least stop trying too hard.

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

I really don't see this as a "reverse-psychology" approach where I find someone by giving up.

I really mean that not focusing on solving my relationship problem has opened up so many possibilities for me that were there all along but I didn't notice them.

Maybe I will swing back to lonliness, but right now I am having too much fun!

I think this is something that my fellow romantically-challenged Aspie guys should consider, it's been an epiphany for me.

You can always go back to your misery later...

I couldn't agree more. I stopped looking for someone quite some time ago. I am in a relationship now, but it is not a live-in relationship and probably won't be. I'm happy with it though. For the first time I think I can successfully complete college adn get on with some goals I haven't completed for a long time. But before my 'part time' relationship, I was happily single for about five years. I tried internet dating as well...but was oh so awful at it. Everyone but me wanted a fast track to marriage...and I've already been unsuccessfully married and really was NOT looking for that. Don't know that I'd want to be married again. I really do love my own space.

B

when I stopped trying internet dating I felt much better too. I was very releved to be able to stop, it felt like leaving an unsuitable job.

I did not like being judged and weighed up by people, being rejected or writing emails, it all played to my weaknesses rather than my strengths and made me feel bad about myself.

Im recently single after a year long relationship and I dont think I will try relationships again as Im not suited to them as Im too grumpy and difficult and too much of a loner and have no empathy to see other peoples perspectives (which is probably needed in relationships).

I think its a very good thing to be able to accept being alone and be ok with that and make a life for oneself which does not involve a life partner, some people are just not made for relationships and suit being single/alone better.

I dont think relationships fix loneliness anyway as people dont often understand or accept oneself.

Just because you are liberated from romantic notions such as 'Ms Right' doesn't mean you have to give up on sexual conquests.

But if, like me, you cannot even handle the occasional casual meaningless sex, then you really are screwed - depression, obsessions and other demons will creep inside your soul and torment you for the rest of your life. You will feel completely worthless and descend into a spiral of self-hate that will irreparably destroy your self-esteem and therefore condemn you to eternal rejection, which leads to more self-hate, and the loop keeps going round until you eventually are liberated from this cycle by nothing less than total madness and death.

That's not fair. If stupid things start bothering me
becuz I don't have a stupid sreshipos then I will
kick them and scream and poop on them.

I don't want a reships its not worth it,
its just fiting and sad and stupid and
never never happy I hate it.

Tammy is gone forever and I have to
axept it. There are no more Tammies,
there isn't anyone for me, I know this
is fact and no one will convinse me otherwise.

It Is Set In Stone.

It Is Written

It Is Done

I don't think that there's anything wrong with wanting to be alone.

No, its doesn't sound wrong at all

OH, Grisha!

Once again, I find identification in the rooms of WrongPlanet! Your situation is so close to mine, that I feel oneness with you.

I had met a girl while doing a college internship...she was doing hers, too. she went to a university across town from where I went. She introduced herself to me and even called me her little STUD! Anyhoo, we went together for a little while, but I found out that her real motive was to use me as a means to fund her recreational and weekend activities. It got to the point that I felt as though it wouldn't matter if I was there or not - as long as she got the MOOLAH!

She even tried to use sex to try to get me to do her bidding. I told her that if I wanted that type of relationship, I'd have gone and gotten myself a prostitute; she called me CHEAP. I called her A MOOCH. After so much of that, I got RID of her.

All the supposed loneliness I thought I was feeling went away as I began feeling that I really didn't need a relationship to be happy.

I did, however, start on that path once more, only to get the same results (only worse), and I cut it off much, much sooner.

I do have relationships with people I really like, but a romantic relationship is no longer a necessity or a desire for me. The very idea drains me of all energy mentally and physically.

For feeling this way, people call me selfish and tell me that I'm self-centered. I figure that it's better this way than for some poor girl to keep going through the same thing with me over and over expecting a different result (or me doing it)!

After all, that is the definition of INSANITY!

in my family you had to lie growing up,then I moved out into my girlfriends place and when your use to lies it's what you do, then we broke up and at20yr.s old I found myself so free no need to lie, no need to be at home a huge wieght came off me.
i've been in other relationships but have given up on them now(4 now)because the anizoty is too much



so if it makes you happy, good.sometimes you shouldn't look to far into things just be happy

Well if you're sensitive to the point where getting rejected on a dating site bothers you, you probably aren't ready for dating in general.