The American System

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Does anyone else feel like the American culture has created this ridiculous system of dating? It gets overly complex and to be successful, you have to work the system. We aspies can't figure the system out. There are some cultures where they focus on building a friendship and seeing where is goes. There is no system of dating. In America, if you try to do it by build a close friendship, you come across as trying to date. How do you feel about the American system of dating?

oh there is a system, its just a really moronic one. Traditionally you either meet people through common friends, which while legit we aspies have obvious issues with. The other one, more common in post high school age, is to meet at the bar or simular location where alchol consumption is assumed. So for adults, american culture involves finding that special someone, when your judgement is impaired to the point you think urinating in a grandfather clock is a good social decision.

What cultures would this be? I am not aware of any.


Perhaps I've simply come to terms with the so-called 'American system,' but it makes a ton of sense, to me, now. That system is at-odds with how I 'knew' the system to work when I was in my early 20's, but that's because I didn't actually know how the system worked. I only knew what I was taught. And I was taught wrong.

Me being my aspie self, I didn't pick up on the differences between the narrative and the social reality, as others did. Although, you don't need to have AS to miss this in-congruency - a number of my non-AS friends would act pretty much the same. So it's nothing to beat ourselves up over. Although it's not a strong subject, we got bad grades in this class because the teacher sucked.

Aren't these two situations kind of the the same? In the first case, you are only building a friendship to 'see where it goes' (I'm guessing with a preferred destination in mind), and in the second you are doing pretty much the same, but the person cops on and realises you have them marked as a potential partner.

Personally, I prefer it when people are open about their intentions.

for me atleast the only seperation between friend and girlfriend is, "am I physically attracted to you" because what I like in a friend, common interests, someone I enjoy being around, ect, is what I look for in a significant other. Just I dont want to bone my friends, or they dont want to do the same to me.

Oh exactly! Back in my college days, I had a guy "build a friendship" with me and I actually thought we were friends. But when he saw that it was not going to go where he wanted (sex) he dropped me like a hot potato. Some friend!

Of course the actual alternative to dating is cultures where people don't actually choose their own mates- their mates are selected for them by their parents. I have no desire to live within that system and I bet the OP wouldn't either.

I know what you mean. I tend to look for girls who can operate outside 'the system'. Good luck finding any.

It's probably a good thing we have a "system". Otherwise. we'd do it the old-fashioned animal way. Spot someone in public, sprout a woody. walk behind them sniffing, lift your leg, doggedly (ahem) mount them, pound.

I didn't even realize there is a "system". Probably explains why I'm 31, and have always been single. I think I've only been on 7 dates my whole life.

I rather like the system we have in America when you compare it to say, arranged marriage. I'm pretty sure the only cultures without some system of dating are proponents of arranged marriage. As much as I dislike having to make decisions, being married to some guy I've never met before doesn't sound particularly appealing.

As far as the American dating system goes I've never really had a problem with it, but then again I never really tried to make sense of it, so that's probably why. What is the system exactly?