dancing

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I like to go dancing every once in a while, and I was wondering if anyone had any advice about some of the situations I tend to find myself in.

1. How do I keep from being a wall flower and actually dance?

2. I usually just say yes to whoever asks me to dance. Well, what if someone asks me that I really don't want to dance with? For instance, a couple of times I've danced with this one guy who a bit creepy and kind of made me uncomfortable (the second time I accepted without first noticing who was asking). How do I say no if I don't want to dance?

3. How do I get a guy to ask for my number, or at least get past the canned introduction conversation tha doesn't even really tell you anything about the other person and actually get to know him?

Any advice would be nice.

Who says you have to be approached at every dance and either accept or reject the nervous or over confident guy? It is not fun for him, either.

back in the day, ladies would have little books called Dance Books. I suggest you revive the tradition. In that book is men's names and this one was booked for the Foxtrot and that one was written in the book for the Shottish and this other guy was booked for the Virginia Reel! Of course, the last dance was for your sweetheart or your brother (or brother substitute) and that was it.

So take your little pretty book, put it on a ribbon on your wrist with a little pen or pencil and go around asking whom you would like to dance with to a certain song, or what ever.

You could look at your book and say, "why I would love to dance with you, but I have all my dances filled, Perhaps next time?" You, yourself would know with whom you were going to dance. Say it is the only way you can keep track. Say you do it this way and leave it at that.

find someway to enjoy yourself.

then enjoy yourself!

When I was dancing just a year ago, which I won't do until I can Rumba without losing my balance, I used the line, "do you come here often?" down at the Spotlight in Sacramento. She would usually say, "all the time" or "once in a while" or they would ask me. That kind of felt like it was a queue that she was interested in me, perhaps use that.

If anyone has a better suggestion than I do please speak now!

Dancing is fun. What kind of dances do you go to?

Anyway, the easiest way to not be a wallflower is to let other people drag you into dancing. You don't go to dances alone do you? Whenever I go I'm with a group of people I know and if one of them doesn't pull me into the fray then somebody else will. Of course, it also depends what kind of dance you go to. It's really hard to be a wallflower at like, raves, or hoedowns or anything that doesn't require partners or has some sort of announcer/mc person. Dances that don't require partners means you don't have to ask anyone and you can dance with your friends in a line or cluster or whatever, and if you're being a wallflower at a dance with an announcer/mc person they will call you out on it and try to get you dance. Least, that's my experiance.

You always have the right to say no when someone asks you to dance. It's no fun to dance with somebody who makes you uncomfortable. The easiest way is to just say "no, thanks," or if you'd prefer you can make up some sort of excuse. Just tell him that you're taking a break because you're tired, or start making your way to get a drink or something. Don't dance with him if you don't want to. Assert yourself.

I have no idea how to answer the third question because I've had no luck with that either. Sorry.

3. If he has a camera phone, make sure he gets some pics of the evening, say a snap or two of a friend you were with. If he has a brain, he'll figure out he needs your number to send you the pics. If he has enough of a brain, he'll even figure out that you set this up so he would ask for your number and he'll be more confident that he likes you.

If your trying to build up his confidence to make the next move, make sure that you cock your head slightly to one side while talking to him. Also, fiddle gently with your hair (if if is long). Do not run your hands through your hair, from forward to back, though. That's a sign of stress. A gentle touch to his elbow is usually considered a flirty touch.

Not really speaking from experience here, though, these are just the subtle signs I've read about that are commonly employed. I never even notice them myself. Which explains the stellar success I had dating before my wife and I hooked up.

The dances I go to are western swing, which means 90% of the songs require a partner. Sometimes I go by myself, and sometimes with roommates, but in my experience it doesn't really matter which once we get in there. As soon as we start dancing, we get seperated, and then it's hard to find each other again. Maybe I'm just overemphasizing my wall-flowerness, but sometimes the whole situation just seems so frustrating.

There's a lot of stuff on the topic in >here...
I'd write it all out, but it'd pretty much constitute a copy/paste.

Oh, whoops, somehow I missed that you weren't a guy, so that changes thing a touch!

By forcing yourself to do it until you acclimatize. There's really no other way. It's purely self-consciousness, and the thought that everyone's gonna look at you, etc, that keeps people off the floor, as far as I've seen. But you can build a limited sort of confidence simply by repetition. You slowly begin to trust the fact that, no, everyone is not looking at you (or caring, if they are).
Some folks use a shot or two to loosen up, but I'd really advise against getting into that custom. Lots of those folks start to feel like they 'can't do it' otherwise, which is false.
Thus the solution is the difficult, uncomfortable answer that you were probably hoping to avoid.

Seems you have trouble saying no. Then this is a skill you'll definitely need to learn, both on the floor an away from a club. A polite, but firm "No, thank you," should be sufficient for the average guy. For those who are persistent, simply, "No. But thank you," with no flexibility, no mixed signals, no ambiguity, eye contact. Sneak in a pang of annoyance. If that isn't enough, "Please leave me alone." should be direct enough for most with a brain.

In other words, I think you're once again skirting the obvious answer: Invest in some backbone, work on defying your self-consciousness, trust your self, say no in exceedingly direct terms, don't be afraid to offend, and don't be afraid to be a b***h. Who else is going to look out for you except for you? If they get offended, it's because they're too dense, it's not your fault.


Answer: Don't try to get them to ask for your number. You ask for theirs. Don't be afraid to take the lead. It is NOT a turn-off.... As a matter of fact, for a lot of guys, who value a strong, smart, confident woman (like myself), it's sooooo hot.
Perhaps this is too much of a stereotype, but nowadays, I figure that the kind of guy who'd turned off by a woman pursuing what she wants is the kind of guy who's not gonna be very pleasant to be around, and is likely quite chauvinistic.

All that said, if you try and ask for a number too early, it could freak a guy out. So lead him along step by step - Dance for a bit, chat a little, ask him to join you at a table, talk a bit, flirt a lot, mention that he seems like an okay guy, scan for a positive, reciprocating response, and then go for the phone number. If he still doesn't want to give you a number, then it probably means he's got a girlfriend or wife or was otherwise lying. So, no loss.

Have some faith. You are a woman, and we are putty in your hand. We really, really are.

Going out on the dance floor and actually dancing can be tough to do. I've had to force myself several times and I'm still not confident about it and sometimes I'll still stick to the wall, if you really want to dance with a guy you gotta practice getting out there.