Had a great date, but I'm terrified of the future

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I had an awesome date with a girl I met through OK Cupid. We had a long lunch and a movie, and she seemed like she enjoyed it, and being with me. I sure enjoyed being with her.

But then again, being the way I am, and having completely misread people many times before, I just have this terrible self doubt. I'm afraid that my efforts weren't good enough: I'm not attractive enough, wasn't charming enough, wasn't funny enough. Just inadequate. I'm afraid, now that I've contacted her with meeting for a second time, that she will reject me, or worse, just ignore me in the future, give me the cold shoulder. The wait is killing me.

I'm praying that it works out. I'm not necessarily looking for a soulmate, but I'd do anything (including sell my soul) to have a companion who shared my attraction, who genuinely wanted to be with me, even if for just a while, just temporary. Just to have been in a relationships like every other normal person. I've written a hundred women now, and she was the first who agreed to meet me. Now if this doesn't work out....I'm not sure I have it in me to try another hundred, another hundred after that. If this doesn't work out, I'm afraid I'll realize that I really am unworthy of love or companionship, and if that is the life I shall lead, I would rather reject life.

What happened with the facebook girl? You never came back.

It was to be expected. She was understanding of the situation, flattered at the attention, already dating, wants to stay friends. Could've been worse, but not what I had hoped, so I moved on, and hoping to find someone who can stand the sight of me.

Take it down a notch, Meryl Streep. That kind of scenery chewing never impresses the Oscar committee. You do recognize the internal contradiction in those statements, right? "I'm not looking for a soulmate, but if this doesn't turn out to be THE ONE. then life isn't worth living" Puh-leeze.

I sincerely pray for every young person on WP pining for romance, that they will find that special someone they are so earnestly looking for and begin the arduous process of forging a relationship and deeply bonding with another person, being unceremoniously dumped, dying inside, emotionally scarring, and crawling back to their feet only to go through the exact same experience again and again. Because its only through this unending process of humiliation and torture that one develops the perspective to understand that romance is not the magic potion that makes life worth living.

Even Romeo and Juliet, the most celebrated couple of lovers in Western literature danced in a whirlwind for a few short days - then they were dead. It may be fiction, but it's not a lie.

Oh, and that "unworthy" stuff. Don't get sucked into that, dude - that's the kind of low self-esteem that causes people to stay in miserable codependent relationships that destroy everyone within a ten mile radius - because they're afraid if they leave that hell, nobody else will ever have them. That's crap. There's always somebody else out there who'll be sweet to you for a while then dump on you. G'wan - what's the worst that could happen?

You are unworthy of love because you don't get replies from dating sites?

You do realise.. this isn't because you're aspie. Its because NO men get replies from dating sites. Even ones who would possibly be a good catch if you had met IRL.

The number of threads i've seen from men on NZ dating complining about never getting replies is too many to count.

Don't base your worthiness on dating sites. They are possibly the worst way to meet someone for most men. You're probably in the top 5% of men on dating sites because you ACTUALLY HAD a meeting with someone.

For what it's worth, my personal record: Out of 12 people on okcupid I messaged over the past three years, I received 10 responses of some sort. 5 or 6 got as far as meeting them in person. There was some level of mutual attraction with about three of them.

Granted, establishing each new contact involved on average 2.5 hours and many cycles of reading profile, drafting letter, and trashing it

@Brianruns10, congrats on a successful first date! You'll be okay. You got further in the process than you have lately, right?

Sounds good! Even if you don't become attached a friendship is on the way. Anyway the fact that she signed up on a DATING site and agreed to meet a guy on a DATING site means something. Women are unlikely to meet men on dating sites unless they are thinking of more serious things to come ...

Is it a dating and friendship site though?

@oohshiny: congrats, thats a good reply ratio.

There must be a reason it's called OK *Cupid*
Mind you I signed up there only to take funny quizzes and ignored all the guys who wanted to chat to me.

Bwahahah! Nice, nice.

+1 advice from Willard, btw.

No word from her yet, so it's not looking good. Man I wish I could make it past the first date, but I must really be that repellant.

My offer still stands: one worthless soul for a companion I can love, and who will love me.

Well, it's been more than a week, with no reply from her. I thought I did everything right...tried to be engaging, interested, charming, a good listener. I thought there was something there, and once again, I was wrong. What the hell is it about me that makes girls run for the hills after one date? I feel so ugly and unlovable. I'm not looking asking or expecting to meet my soul mate, but god I would love a companion, even for just a little while. I've never even held hands, and all my friends are marrying or dating, and it all seems so easy for them.

I'm really thinking about giving up. Gonna delete all the dating accounts I set up, and take myself off the market permanently. I think I've realized, after trying and trying and failing every time with what must now be a hundred women or more. At this point, I'm sick of putting myself out there, only to be daily reminded of my inferiority. I'd rather take control for my own loneliness.

I do hereby avow to never again subject myself to the humiliation and embarrassment of dating, or the pursuit of female companionship. I hereby acknowledge I am not meant for love or companionship, nor am I worthy of it. I am ugly, humorless, uncharismatic, unlovable and wholly a failure as a man in the classic sense. I am instead destined to devote my life to my work as a filmmaker and visual artist. Like ETA Hoffmann, I am doomed to fail in love, for I am wedded to my muse. I shall devote my life to creating something truly great to mark my existence, rather than waste it in the slim hope of finding love, which there is clearly none out there for me. I dedicate my life to proving everyone who judged me by one date wrong, ignorant, stupid, shallow. I shall find success on my own terms, and will survive alone!

BR

Dude, you're at about the age I had my *very first date*. Easing off it is probably a good idea. I didn't "find someone" until I stopped trying to "find someone". I got so twisted up over my inability to relate on a romantic/sexual level to anyone that I just couldn't relate to women on any level as something other than a "potential mate".

No one wants that pressure. My wife *found me* when I began to focus on excelling at the things I cared about. That was a real turn on for her. So settling back and finding your muse may be a good strategy in the long run. Authenticity can be really appealing to the right person.

True that.