Asperger traits in my boyfriend?

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I'm new to the board. I've read through some of the other posts. I have a degree in Communicative Disorders and have several people in my life (family, friends, and the patients I work with) who were "officially diagnosed" with Aspergers. I'm only asking these things because I suspect my boyfriend of one year may be undiagnosed and we've had some serious issues arise lately. If I knew he did, then I would be better able to deal with some of the communication breakdowns and difficulty relating at times that we've had. I'm trying to sort out if it's just bad behavior and lack of caring for another person (he often appears very selfish and is unable to think about how badly another person would feel if he did or said something offensive). If it's Aspergers, I really can deal with it. But if he's just a narcissistic jerk, I've got to end this relationship. Here's the run-down--correct me if I'm wrong:

I'm 36, he's 24. He's an only child (was spoiled rotten and still is to a point) and preferred to play alone as a child. He was told he was "precocious". His language was advanced, even as a very young child (I've seen videos). He is extremely intelligent (& I'm not just saying that because we're together--his intelligence is well above-average). He is a gamer (no big deal, I am too) but he could tell you nearly the ENTIRE history of World of Warcraft (and I mean DETAILS). He is also very obsessed with his Kung Fu and can tell you ALL sorts of things about it. There are a couple other subjects about which he is knowledgeable to the n-th degree. He has never made friends easily (including now--only has 2 good friends besides me).

He has difficulty with fine motor skills (watching him do buttons or try to open plastic baggies or bottles is almost painful). He crosses his arms most of the time. Has some unusually flexible joints (he bends his hands at his wrists very far, among other things). He says he's always done this (keeping his arms and hands very tight and close to him). He likes to be squeezed tightly. He is OCD about some things, but is completely oblivious to others. He likes to dress up (more business-like and appreciates "couture"). He appreciates the "finer things of life", but he also usually wears the same clothes over and over (a hoodie in particular). He is a stickler for personal hygiene (brushing teeth in particular). But his room is a complete disaster area (let alone any other space he occupies--he doesn't pick up after himself). He gets unreasonably upset when someone moves his things (despite his room). He has fits of overt rage when he is frustrated. He has very set timelines for things (especially when getting ready for work--he gets frantic if he does things out of order). When he has a set routine, or he has things planned out for our day, he is much more calm and relaxed and goes about the process with purpose.

He actually considers himself "emotionally ret*d" (his quote). His personality tends to put off a lot of people. He is socially awkward (sometimes says or does things that make me cringe because I know how other people percieve his behavior). He talks to people in general (would have a nice long conversation with a stranger, especially if he was imparting some nugget of knowledge or wisdom) without a thought. But try to get him to make a close friend and he nearly can't. He says he;s always had trouble reading people and doesn't easily know what to do to help them if they are upset. He also has a very domineering personality and it's difficult to get him to understand where he is wrong sometimes.

I've taken a few questionnaires using what would be his perspective (from what I've observed and know about how he reacts to life) about it online. He always comes up with this diagnosis. ANY insight would be greatly appreciate because it potentially affects further committment in my life. He wants to get married and have a family some day. This would need to happen in the next couple of years given my age. I just need all the information I can get to make the right decision. Like I said, if he has Aspergers, I know how to work this out. If he's just a selfish, spoiled jerk, I know what needs to be done next. THANK YOU for your help!! !

A lot of these traits do sound aspie or spectrum. Now, as I'm sure you know, the autism spectrum goes from largely nonverbal to middle functioning (which I think is very much underappreciated) to the philosopher Bertrand Russell (most probably aspie) to entirely 'normal,' all with blurry boundaries.

One thing that has helped me is thinking in terms of engagement, not conformity.

Another thing is just accepting that I have patchy skills, including patchy social skills, life skills, and intellectual skills. Now, I think ever human being who has ever walked the face of the Earth has had patchy skills. But I tend to think my skills are more patchy than average!

Now, this is tricky because you're his girlfriend, not his counselor. And it's even doubly tricky since you have some professional background. So, please tread lightly.

And, Welcome to Wrong Planet! It sounds like you are a person friendly to the spectrum.